


dear brother

by kawx



Series: Letters To a Loved One [1]
Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-05-13 00:58:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 76,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5688463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawx/pseuds/kawx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roman's brother Dean makes him realise one thing. Some of the most poisonous people come disguised as friends and family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A new fic! I know I shouldn't, but this has been in the works for a long time and I can never seem to get it to go away so I'm posting it to see what people think! It's gonna be angsty and it's going to be sad, so buckle up!

Roman swings his bag over his shoulder, letting out a sigh of relief as he pushes his way out of the classroom. He feels restless, fingers itching to do something other than writing shit down. He’s so done with school; he’s been done with school for the past how many years. The only reason he turns up is because of football. And Dean, he’ll always turn up for Dean, not matter how much he hates it, he’s going to turn up because Dean wants him to.  
  
Roman can’t say no to Dean. Dean, his brother, brother in every sense other than blood. Dean is his adoptive brother, and has been Roman’s brother since he was six years old. He can remember his parents talking to his auntie about how worried they were about Roman and Dean getting along. But that had never been a problem; he and Dean clicked straight away and have been inseparable ever since. Dean’s only a couple of months younger than him, so they have the same social circle.  
  
Dean’s friends are his friends, and Roman’s friends are Dean’s friends. It’s a good little set up, but Roman has some small problems. His first problem is Nikki, who is a wonderful girl and very pretty, and he’d probably take her up on all of her flirting if he swung that way. He’s tried to tell her that he’s not interested, but she’s persistent. It’s not that annoying, but he really doesn’t want to hurt her. And then his other problem is Seth, Dean’s best friend. Seth is a nice guy, cute too and he’s gotten them out of trouble more often than not, with his master skilled puppy dog eyes. The only problem is, he has a huge crush on Dean.  
  
That shouldn’t be a problem, because Seth is a nice guy. But lately, Roman’s been having these feelings; weird, confusing feelings towards his brother. It started when he and Dean were watching a movie together in Roman’s room, and ended up falling asleep together in a tangle of limbs. Roman woke up painfully hard, with Dean’s ass pressed firmly against his crotch. If Dean had felt it, he hadn’t said anything. But since then, without being able to help it, Roman’s seen Dean as more than his brother and all of these weird and confusing feelings have been fluttering around in his belly.  
  
Especially when he’s around Seth, the way that Seth stands extremely close to him, touching his arms and laughing at everything he says makes Roman want to punch him. He knows what it is, but he’s not quite ready to admit it yet.  
  
Roman heads through the corridor towards his locker, a smile breaking onto his face when he sees Dean already there waiting for him. They’re both on the football team, so they always meet up to go to practice together. Dean grins widely when he sees Roman, pushing himself away from where he’s leaning on the lockers.  
  
“Hey Deano.” Roman coos, ruffling Dean’s curls. Dean swats at Roman’s hand, glaring at him.  
  
“Why you always gotta’ mess with my hair?”  
  
Roman laughs as he shoves his books into his locker and pulls out his gym bag. “Because I know it annoys you.” Dean shoves his shoulder, muttering something under his breath.  
  
“Everyone still up for Colter’s later on?” Roman asks, swinging an arm over Dean’s shoulders and guiding them towards the sports field. Colter’s was a burger restaurant that they all went to on a Friday night, as a sort of tradition.  
  
“I think so. Oh wait, John’s had to bail, something about his brother coming back from college and a family gathering. But I think everyone else is still game.” Dean says, pushing through the double doors. Randy’s waiting for them by the steps to the changing rooms, legs dangling down from the wall with a cigarette tucked between his lips.  
  
“Y’know, if the coach catches you smoking he’s going to throw a fit.” Dean says frowning. Randy just laughs at him, his free hand reaching out and ruffling Dean’s hair.  
  
“Don’t tell me Deany-boy, you’re worried about little ol’ me?”  
  
Dean scoffs, messing with some of the curls that have fallen in front of his face. “No. But you getting kicked off the team would harm all of us. So don’t do it on school grounds, asshole.” Dean plucks the cigarette from Randy’s fingers and throws it to the ground, crushing it under the toe of his shoe. Randy groans at him and slips off the wall, he grabs Dean, getting him in a tight headlock before playfully messing up Dean’s hair.  
  
“Why you always gotta’ ruin my fun, Deano?” Randy drags Dean towards the training room, managing to avoid the punches Dean’s throwing towards his stomach.  
  
“Roman! Tell Randy let go of me!”  
  
Roman laughs, giving Dean a sympathetic look, “Be careful with my brother Randy, he’s a fragile little thing.” Dean just grunts, finally pushing his way out of Randy’s grip. He rubs at his neck, scowling at Roman and Randy.  
  
“You’re both assholes, so guess who’s going to be getting the corner peg in the locker room?” Dean smirks before turning and bolting towards the locker room. Randy groans, sprinting after him as Roman laughs and jogs behind. He’s had the corner peg (the best peg in the locker room, as decided by the whole team) more than enough times; he’ll let Dean have it for once.  
  
  
xXx  
  
  
“Roman, we went over this shit last week.” Dean says, whacking him over the head with the text book they’re working from. Roman lets out a heavy sigh; frowning as he looks down at the scrawls on his paper. He’s never been very good at school, science especially, and usually he would just get the answers from Corey in class and pray that Corey had at least got some of the answers right. But after his Biology teacher caught him and Corey, that old plan was out of the window thanks to his mom and dad, and now Dean was doing his best to help him understand it all so that he could do his own damn homework.  
  
Dean’s smart, amazingly so, and this Biology shit is in his blood somehow. But no matter how many times he tries to explain it to Roman, he just can’t get it.  
  
“I know, I know. I just, it’s fucking hard? I don’t understand any of it, like, what do white blood cells do again?” Dean sighs, scooting closer to Roman so that they’re legs are pressed against each other and their shoulders are touching. He leans over Roman’s legs, circling something Roman had previously written down.  
  
“They destroy microorganisms by engulfing and digesting them, and they produce antibodies against antigens on their surface.” Roman swears that he heard at least half of that, but the other half is too busy processing the feeling of Dean pressed so closely against him. They’ve been this close before, more times than Roman can count, but this feels different. Like Dean’s skin is burning against his own, erupting those butterflies inside of him.  
  
“Alright, alright, so with question five, the answer would be antigens?” Roman tugs his bottom lip between his teeth, praying that it’s the right answer. He feels bad about Dean sitting with him for hours on end, going through the same shit over again. A smile breaks onto Dean’s face.  
  
“Yeah! Told you you’d get it in the end.” Dean says, giving his shoulder a pat. Roman grunts, leaning down to rest his head on Dean’s back as Dean scribbles something on the paper.  
  
“Only cos’ I got you.”  
  
“Whatever, I only gave you a little bit of help. The answer came out of that brain you got holed up in there.” Dean smirks, pushing the books and paper from Roman’s bed. Roman lets out a sigh and wonders how he’s going to cope when they have to start sitting finals. Dean’s going to be focusing on his own stuff; he doesn’t need to worry about Roman possibly failing every subject he’s doing. Which he is, really, he hasn’t had a great report card for a few years now. Their parents hadn’t been too angry, knowing that Roman was pretty focused on his football and making the team, but they expected him to at least pass everything. He needed to if he wanted to get into a college; even the football ones expected passes.  
  
He’s going to do it, no matter how hard he has to work. He’s going to do it because Dean says he can, and if Dean says he can, then he can.  
  
Roman’s not quite sure when Dean’s word became law, but he figures it was around the time Roman got hit by that car and damaged his leg so badly the doctors were discussing his possibilities of being able to play sports again. Dean had been by his bedside though, telling him that he’d play football again. They both would, they’d make the team together. He couldn’t let Dean down, so he didn’t. Since then, whenever Dean’s told him he can do something, he always believed that he could too.  
  
Dean leans over the side of the bed to reach the remote for the television and flicks through the channels as Roman carts his fingers through Dean’s hair.  
  
“Y’know Brie and Nikki were talking about you again today.” Dean notes as he finally decides on some crappy reality show.  
  
“Yeah? Good or bad?”  
  
“Good. Brie said that you’d make a good couple at prom. Nikki said that you should be prom king and queen, the usual.” Dean laughs, looking up at Roman through his lashes. Roman can’t help but stare at Dean’s face and how it looks under the soft light of Roman’s lamp. There are times when Dean looks like a total badass that would completely kick your ass if you got on the wrong side of him, but then there are other times when Dean looks like a child. A little lost puppy that just needs protecting and loving, and that’s how he looks now; completely adorable and unguarded.  
  
“Yeah well, I’ve already told Nikki that I don’t like her like that. I personally think she should get with Randy, he’s been crushing on her forever.” Roman finally says, snapping out of his trance.  
  
Dean scoffs, “Yeah, but Randy’s a grade A asshole. She could so much better than him.” Dean pokes Roman in the ribs and laughs when Roman squirms.  
  
“He’s not that bad. I mean, yeah, maybe he can be an asshole, but remember who took the fall for us all last summer when we broke Jenkins’ window?”  
  
Dean smiles, “Well yeah, but it was Seth who pouted and stopped Jenkins’ pressing charges for criminal damages.” There it goes again. Seth. Somehow, the two-toned fuck head always managed to weasel his way into their conversation.  
  
“Seth could get out of anything.” Roman mumbles, turning his attention to the show on the screen. It’s irrational maybe, to feel suddenly deflated at the mention of Seth’s name, but he can’t help it. Dean talks about Seth more than he talks about anyone else, and well there’s that word that Roman doesn’t really want to say yet. Jealous. Of course he is, and he knows it. Dean’s the kind of person that if you get his affections, you really don’t want to let them go. Dean cares so passionately for everyone, but for a long time Roman had been the only person that Dean spoke about like he was some sort of God. “Did you hear about my brother Roman? He made first team football!” Dean would say to everyone when they were little and Roman had tried out for his first football team and got picked. Dean used to tell everyone about him, and for a long time he used to write to his old care worker, telling her all about him.  
  
But now, all Dean seems to do is talk about Seth. Like he’s got angels flying out of his ass or something, and Roman has to admit that he’s jealous. He can’t deny it, after so long of having Dean’s undivided attention it’s strange to have it directed at someone else. But it’s deeper than that. Roman doesn’t want Dean to talk about Seth when he’s lying right beside him. He doesn’t want Dean to talk about Seth with a stupid goofy grin on his face like some little love sick puppy. No, Roman wants Dean to look at him like that. It’s wrong, Roman knows that, but he can’t help it.  
  
There’s something about Dean, something that Roman has never come across before, that’s made Roman feel like this. The brother thing, well they’re not really brothers, right? They are, in their hearts and to their family and to their friends. But the blood flowing through their veins, no matter how much of Dean’s is tainted with the colour of Roman’s, it’s a different blood. It doesn’t make it right, Roman knows that, but it makes it a little bit easier to cope with. The fact that he’s crushing on his brother is one thing, but falling for him is another.  
  
It’s slowly driving him mad, mad to the point where he feels like keeping a hold of Dean all around school so that Seth knows to back the fuck off. But he can’t, because brothers are not meant to fall in with each other. It also doesn’t help that their mother loves Seth to death, and is probably secretly planning their wedding.  
  
Roman can feel a headache on, so he settles back and closes his eyes, letting the soft sounds of Dean’s occasional laughter lull him into calm. He’s so glad that it’s the weekend tomorrow; the weekend means he can do his usual brotherly stuff with Dean. Their usual Saturday morning run before hitting the beach for a bit, then back home to get ready to see the whole family. The weekends are Roman’s favourite, because if they were ever interrupted, even if only for a little bit, their mother went mad. It was the only real time Roman got to spend with his brother without precious little Seth Rollins getting involved.  
  
“Thinking really loud, Ro.” Dean mumbles, jabbing a finger into his ribs.  
  
“Sorry, I can’t seem to shut off tonight.” Roman sighs, running a hand down his tired face. Dean sits up, giving him a worried glance.  
  
“You wanna’ talk about it?” He could. He could tell Dean about everything that’s going through his head because he trusts Dean with his life. But he won’t. Not yet, maybe not ever, because Roman doesn’t want to complicate what they have here. Their brotherly relationship is stronger than those of most of their friends and their siblings. He can’t ruin this because all of a sudden his body is betraying him, pulling his heart in on it too. No he won’t, Dean means too much to him.  
  
“Nah, I’m alright. Just glad it’s the weekend, is all.” Dean nods, though he’s still giving Roman that look that he always gives him when he doesn’t quite believe him. He’s had the look so many times.  
  
“Are you sure? You’re not hiding something, are you?”  
  
Roman scoffs, though there’s a lump forming in his throat. “No, course’ not Deano. Just a lot on my mind lately, y’know, trying to actually pass all my classes so I can go to college and not get killed by dad.” Roman gently knocks his knuckles against Dean’s forehead.  
  
Dean’s face softens as he lies back down beside Roman, pressing his body into him. “You’ll do it Ro, don’t worry. I’ll help you whenever you need me, OK?” Roman’s heart aches inside his chest as Dean snuggles against him.  
  
“Thanks Dean.”  
  
Dean pats his belly, leaving his hand on Roman’s stomach and gently tapping out a rhythm with his fingers. Every touch feels like a firework.  
  
“No problem Rome.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a quick update because i have a 1/4 of this pre-written and I'm quickly getting more chapters done and today is my birthday so here's a celebratory chapter! enjoy xxx.

“Roman, would you mind staying back a few minutes after class, I’d like a word.” Roman feels everyone’s eyes on him as the biology teacher dismisses them all. He shoves his text book in his bag roughly, knowing exactly what she wants to talk to him about. The last test he did, he didn’t even pass. So she’d asked him to re-sit it, saying that it didn’t matter what he got as long as he passed and she could help him from there. He failed that re-sit, only getting one or two marks more than the first test. That alone should of made her call his parents, but for some reason she took pity on him and asked him to take the test again. It’s not the most ideal situation, seeing as he’s failed it twice and a third probably won’t make much difference, but it’s better than letting his father know just how badly he’s doing. He’s probably failed it again, but he doesn’t know what to do if he has.  
  
The rest of the class slowly filter out of the room, some casting sympathetic glances at him as they leave. He hangs back by his desk until everyone is gone, approaching his teachers desk when she’s finally settled. She looks up at him with a small smile, and Roman can see how stressed the poor woman looks.  
  
“So it’s not all bad news Roman. You passed the second re-sit,” Roman feels some weight roll off of his shoulders, a sigh of relief falling from his lips. She hands him the paper with her red scrawl scribbled all over it, the big red D shining bright at the top of the page. “The bad news is that it wasn’t by much. You were right on the boundary, but I’m just so happy that you passed. It means that we can start working on what problems you have.” Roman thanks her, folding the test paper up and opening his bag to slide it into his folder.  
  
“Look Roman, I know that you’ve always found this class hard, and I appreciate that. And I know that little stunt you pulled with Corey was just because you were desperate not to fail, but I know that you can do this Roman. We’re gonna’ do whatever we can to get you to at least a C, alright? And don’t worry; I’m not going to call your parents. But I will be calling them if you don’t pass the next test. It’s in two weeks, so I’m giving you a week head start in front of the others. Use it wisely, OK? Now off you go, maybe you can get that brother of yours to help you.” Roman thanks her multiple times before he almost runs out of the classroom.  
  
He passed. It’s all that really matters right now. Passing, passing his classes means he can get into college. Passing his classes will make Dean happy, and that means just as much. Roman shoulders past the students littering the hallways, intent on finding Dean and telling him that maybe he could do biology after all.  
  
Dean’s waiting at his locker like for him like he always does, but he’s not alone. Seth is with him, standing so close to him it’s like they’re attached at the hip. It makes Roman’s fists clench, the good mood he’s just been put in slowly seeping away from him with every step he takes toward them. He can hear Seth’s voice, laughing at whatever lame joke Dean just said. Dean sees him coming, a wide grin splitting onto his face. Roman forces himself to look happy and tries not to glare at Seth.  
  
“Hey Rome, what took you so long? Usually you’re the first one out.” Dean laughs, almost completely turning away from Seth. Roman fights back the urge to grin, because that would be extremely childish.  
  
“Ms Miller wanted to talk to me. I finally passed my biology paper.” Dean’s face lights up at that, his arms instantly engulfing Roman.  
  
“What did I tell you? I knew you could do it, Rome!”  
  
“Yeah well, couldn’t have done it without your help.” Roman grins, holding onto Dean maybe a moment or two longer than he should have.  
  
“Yeah, well done Roman, told you it was just a hiccup.” Seth chimes in, smiling at him. Roman wants to roll his eyes, but forces himself to smile anyway.  
  
“Thanks Seth, you pass that history thing you were freaking out about last week?”  
  
“Oh yeah, managed to do some cramming the night before. Passed it and got the grade I wanted, so I think I can stop worrying now.”  
  
“Good, well, well done. Here’s to finally passing.” He smiles at Seth, only because Dean’s got this big goofy grin on his face as they converse. Roman shoves him playfully, opening up his locker and pulling the rest of his books out and putting them in his bag.  
  
“Oh Rome, I’m not gonna’ be coming home straight away. Seth and I are going to this bookstore to get these new textbooks. I already called mom, she’s not expecting me back.” Dean grins at Seth, who grins back at him equally as wide and it pisses Roman the fuck off. He doesn’t know why, because it’s just a bookshop, but Seth just gets under his skin.  
  
“Alright, well have fun you nerds.” Roman says, trying to keep the disappointment out of his tone.  
  
“Shut up, you asshole.” Dean shoves him before letting Seth throw an arm around his shoulder and lead them away from the lockers. Roman watches them leave, his gut twisting uncomfortably at the way Seth leans in close to Dean’s ear and says something that makes Dean let out a loud, wonderful sounding laugh. Slamming his locker shut, he struts down the corridor, preparing to walk home alone for the first time in a very long time.  
  
  
xXx  
  
  
The smell of his mother’s home made lasagne wafts all the way up to his room, making him look away from the littering of papers in front of him. He’s been working nonstop since he got home, focusing mainly on biology but dipping into his other subjects too. Dean isn’t back yet, though it’s only half six, and it shouldn’t annoy him like it is.  
  
With a shake of his head and an annoyed sigh, Roman gets back to his work. He’s going to do this, he’s going to pass biology whether it kills him or not, because the thought of not going to college is like a horrible nightmare that won’t go away. The thought of Dean going to college without him feels like someone driving a screwdriver into his chest. It’s all kinds of painful that Roman would rather not think about, but he’s got to think about it if he wants to pass this class. It’s an incentive, of sorts, because he and Dean have been talking about college for a long time.  
  
The plan, the plan they came up with many years ago that still stands, is to go to Georgia Tech and do football. Well that was their only plan, until Seth came along, bringing a stream of other possibilities with him, throwing the idea of med school into the air. Apparently, that’s something Dean would really be into. And something their dad likes the sound of too, but it doesn’t sound even remotely appealing to Roman.  
  
Well maybe it does, because there’s nothing more Roman would like to see than Dean succeeding in something he both loves and excels in, but he’d like to be beside him when he does. And that’s selfish, Roman knows that, but the thought of Dean being hundreds of miles across the country does horrible things to his insides. And it’s not like he’s ever going to be able to get into med school.

 

The sound of the door slamming downstairs once again pulls him out of his work, the restless energy that seemed to be buzzing around his body finally settling. He’s never really understood it, but his body has always been able to tell when Dean’s around. If he’s angry, and Dean is nearby, he’ll calm down. Roman gathers up all his papers and piles them up on the floor, shoving his pens in his pen pot as he passes his desk.  
  
When he gets downstairs, Dean is helping their mom set the table. There is a great big smile on his face and Roman can't help but feel Dean's happiness latch itself onto him too, his grin being more than a little contagious. 

 

"Get your nerd-books Deano?" Roman finds himself asking, taking plates from his mother and setting them down on the placemats. She scolds him lightly for his words, but they don't affect Dean, who's grin only gets wider. 

 

"In fact I did, and I managed to get you something too." Roman raises an eyebrow as Dean scurries off into the hallway, returning shortly after holding something behind his back. He's still wearing that beautiful grin when he speaks up. 

 

"Close your eyes, Ro." 

 

"Oh my god Dean, why-" 

 

"Just close your eyes for me, please Ro?" Of course, Roman complies. Because it's do Dean. He closes his eyes for a couple of seconds, a soft sigh escaping his lips before Dean is telling him to open his eyes and Roman can practically hear the grin through Dean's voice. In front of him, Dean is holding a large book, it's bright yellow with large black lettering reading ' _ Biology for Dummies _ '. Dean is snickering as realisation spreads across Roman's face. He takes the book from Dean, staring down at it and flipping through the pages. Dean's brought it him as a joke, but Roman guesses it may be helpful for something. 

 

"You're an idiot." Roman says fondly, hand reaching out to ruffle Dean's hair. "Thank you, though." Dean slightly scowls as he fixes his hair, but the grin is still present. 

 

After dinner, Roman excuses himself to go back upstairs to try and cram another hour or two of studying in before relaxing for the night. He's halfway through a mock paper when there's the familiar sound of a quiet, rhythmic knock on his door. It's unmistakably Dean, and Roman looks up from his work. 

 

"Come in." The door opens slowly, revealing Dean who's freshly showered and dressed in an old pair of sweats and one of Roman's t-shirts. It shouldn't make Roman's heart flutter, because they've always shared clothes here and there, but it does. Dean steps into the room, hair damp and a soft, tired look on his face. 

 

"Don't overwork yourself, Rome." Dean says, padding over to the bed and plopping down next to him. Roman sighs, twisting his pen in his hand. He is tired, eyes starting to sting from looking at words on a page for a long time. 

 

"I have to pass, Dean." He stifles a yawn, avoiding Dean's obvious glare. 

 

"You have plenty of time to pass, Ro. You're not going to be remember all of this in one night. Just take a break for tonight, alright? We can do some more tomorrow." The 'we' part of Dean's comment makes his heart swell a little, as Dean shuts Roman's books and places all his stuff on the floor. Dean pushes him until he's finally letting out a yawn and shuffling towards the head of his bed, discarding his hoodie and making himself comfortable as Dean rifles through his DVD cabinet. Dean finally gives up and puts on a mindless comedy, settling partially on Roman's lap and partially next to him as the opening credits roll on the screen. 

 

It's when they're in positions like this, at times like this, that Roman is truly happy. Nothing beats just laying back and unwinding with Dean, feeling his brother breathing peacefully next to him while Roman runs a hand through his hair, both slightly dozing and paying to mind to the movie playing on the screen. 

 

These moments usually only happen on weekends, because on weekdays, after Dean's completed every piece of homework ever, or has been with Seth all evening or Roman has been with Randy, they're too pooped to do much else other than shower and go to bed. Or sometimes they'll help their father fix up his old car in the garage. 

 

So these moments, the quiet, precious moments are the ones Roman treasures most. Because he knows it isn't going to be like this forever. They're going to be going to college soon, and their lives are going to move on at some point and all of this will be somewhat over. 

 

It hits him hard in the chest and he pushes those thoughts away, he doesn't want to think about the future, only what is right now, and that is Dean with his head pressed against his chest, breathing quietly as he dozes. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the wonderful feedback on this, you're all so wonderful! I got a little carried away with this chapter, I just can't help myself! Hope you all enjoy and don't forget to leave more wonderful comments, I love to know what you think!

Roman wakes to the sun blinding him and a warm, heavy body pressed against his side. It takes a minute for his eyes to focus and his mind to unfog, before he realises that he and Dean fell asleep before the movie ended and hadn't woken up in the middle of the night. They're in exactly the same positions as Roman last remembers them, except one of Dean's legs is thrown over his and his hand is resting on Roman's belly.

Roman rubs at eyes and shifts a little even though all his limbs are numb and they tingle something fierce from pins and needles. Dean doesn't stir and Roman is slightly thankful that he's such a heavy sleeper. The movie is stuck on the menu screen, playing the same trailer over and over again and Roman can't really believe that it was quiet enough for them not to wake up and turn it off, maybe they were just too tired to wake up, whichever it was was, he's grateful that he's slept with Dean curled up next to him.

Dean's face is soft and peaceful as soft little breaths pass through his lips. A smile creeps onto Roman's face as his eyes catch sight of the clock on his night stand. It's eight thirty-seven AM, a little later than they normally wake on a Saturday morning, so he decides now is a good a time as ever to rouse his brother from his sleep. Roman pokes Dean in the cheek, a grin spreading across his face as Dean begins to squirm, the hand on Roman's belly twitching a little before finally sliding up - Roman ignores the burning hot trail it leaves in its wake - his chest to swat at Roman's hand.

"Mmf, stop." Dean grumbles, catching hold of Roman's wrist and putting a stop to his poking.

"Time to get up, sleepyhead." Roman sing songs as Dean's eyes slowly crack open. The brightness of them always temporarily blindsides Roman. They're so blue, baby blue almost, and when the sun catches them they sparkle brightly like sapphires newly polished, they put the most expensive jewels to shame.

"What times' it?"

"Twenty to nine, so get your lazy butt up." He pats Dean lightly on the butt, who groans but shifts anyway, rearing up and stretching his arms above his head. His t-shirt rides up, exposing that incredibly trim waist and Roman has to tear his eyes away before he starts staring like some love sick fool, and slips off his bed.

"Where we running today?" Dean asks, the same question he asks every Saturday morning. Roman rolls his eyes as he finally gets the movie out of the PlayStation, the trailer finally being silenced after how many hours it had been on the menu screen.

"Same as always, buddy. Up to old man Larry's and then down to the beach."

Dean clambers off the bed, legs still a little wobbly and scratches the top of his head.

"Aye aye, captain. Meet you downstairs in twenty." Dean gives him a mock salute and ambles out of Roman's room, leaving Roman to stare after him as he pads to his own room. They always used to share a bedroom, when Dean first came to the family they lived in another house not far from where they are now. It was only two bedrooms, so Roman and his dad had pushed his bed against the wall to make way for a bed for Dean. Then, two years later when both Roman and Dean had started growing and needing more space, they moved to a house where they could have a bedroom.

It had been a little jarring to say the least, they had become quickly accustomed to sleeping in the same room as each other, so to suddenly have so much room and space and not be with each other was hard to swallow for a while. But they learnt to deal with it, and even now, Roman gets a wild buzz of satisfaction when Dean crashes in his room. Even more so now with the weird feelings he's been having lately.

Luckily, his body hadn't betrayed him this morning, even with Dean sprawled all over him and his hand oh so close to his junk. He's thankful, because God knows how Dean would react to him sporting a hard on due to their closeness. Maybe Dean would laugh it off, saying "it happens to everyone, Ro." or maybe he would look at Roman in disgust and nothing would ever be the same between them again. But Roman knows that whatever it is, he doesn't want to find out just yet. Not until he's figured all of this out, got his head in the right place and to finally know what the hell is going on in there.

A sigh leaves his lips as he goes into the bathroom. He washes his face quickly and brushes his teeth, no point in showering before he's been running only to have to shower again afterwards. He can hear Dean crashing about in his room and can hear his parents' television in their bedroom across the hall. It's all very typical, a routine they've all had since he and Dean were about fifteen. Their mother would pack them a rucksack of food, mostly breakfast foods, on a Friday night for them to take with them on Saturday morning, giving their parents a little alone time. They'd be out until mid afternoon, until coming home and either helping their mom to prepare dinner or get ready to go another family members house.

This week dinner is at their house, and a big bunch of family are coming over, including Roman and Dean's favourite cousins Jimmy and Jey. The twins are their saviours when it comes to family dinners, providing more than a dose of comic relief when topics turn towards school, grades and future plans. The night normally ends with the kids having a kick around on the back lawn (as long as Jimmy and Jey promise not to kick the ball over the fence of break any windows) while the adults sit on the patio reminiscing about their youth.

It's sort of nice, to be away from their friends and just have family time. It means Roman can drop his I'm captain of the football team so who cares that I'm failing school attitude and just let it all go and enjoy himself, if only for a day or two. And he gets to spend quality time with Dean, something that is becoming more difficult to do, now that Seth has found his confidence and latches himself onto his brother every chance he gets.

Weekends are Seth free, and Roman likes that more than he will ever admit.

When he gets down the stairs, Dean is pulling on his shoes by the door. The smile that spreads across his face when he looks up at Roman sends a certain warmth barreling around Roman's body, setting him alight from the tips of his ears to the underside of his toes.

"You know, seeing as I was up later than you were, you really should have been down here before me."

"I was awake like, two minutes before you, Dean."

"So? My eyes were still focusing as I was changing. Meanwhile, you were probably fussing over your perfect hair." Dean's hand reaches out to touch his hair, which is tied in a bun at the nape of his neck, but he quickly swats it away.

"Hey," Dean complains, pouting, "You always mess up my damn hair, why can't I mess up yours?" Roman moves away to perch on the stairs and pull on his own shoes, a fond smile tugging at his lips.

"Because like you said, it's perfect." He smirks as Dean rolls his eyes, slightly stomping into the kitchen to retrieve their rucksack. Dean comes back with it hitched on his back, though one of the straps is twisted the wrong way making it sit awkwardly on his brothers shoulders. Roman suppresses a laugh, adjusting the strap so that it sits properly on well defined shoulders. His fingers linger a moment longer than they should, fingertips pressed into hard muscle and bone for what is a fraction of a second but feels like a lifetime on his skin.

He's not sure whether he notices but when Roman pulls his hand away, his brother is looking up at him with those shining eyes, his lips parted slightly. After a moment Dean closes them, swallowing before hooking his fingers through the straps of the rucksack.

"So, are we going?" He says softly, head tilting towards the door. Roman nods quickly, happy to break whatever just happened then and get out into the fresh air to clear his head.

Within a couple of minutes, the two of them are out of the door and jogging down the street, their paces matched exactly, the only sounds being the gravelly smooth thudthudthud of their feet against the pavement.

It's hotter than it usually is for such an early time in the morning, and almost instantly Roman is covered in a thin layer of sweat, his shirt sticking to him uncomfortably. Although there is a slight breeze, it's a stuffy one and does nothing to clear his head. More than anything, it bungs him up, playing havoc with his sinuses. Beside him, Dean is faring no better. His shirt is also sticking to him and his mop of blonde curls are damp and sticking to the side of his face.

They're both silent until they get to old man Larry's - a house on the corner of the street owned by an old man called Larry, whom they see every Saturday morning as he sits on his porch smoking his pipe - shouting out a good morning! to him before taking a left towards the beach and falling silent again.

It's weird for them to be this silent. It's not as though they talk each other to death on their runs, but there is usually some conversation, so the silence is scaring Roman to no end. Was Dean weirded out by Roman's hand on his shoulder, it was only there for a split second longer than it should have been but, was he? Is that why Dean hasn't said a word to him since leaving the house?

But, neither has Roman. For the first time in his life, he doesn't know what to say to Dean. Everything that he has in his head sounds forced, like he's just making conversation because he feels like he should, not because he wants too.

They get to the beach and still, neither of them have said a word. But as usual, in a heap of sweaty and panting limbs, they collapse onto the sand.

Eventually, Dean is the first to break the silence between them, pulling out Roman's water along with his own and throwing it at him, muttering a soft "Drink up, sweaty head." And just like that, the awkwardness is gone, evaporated into the warm air around them and replaced with familiarity.

"Why's it so damn hot already?" Roman grumbles, unscrewing the cap of his water and taking a small sip. It's not as cool as he would have liked, but the small ice pack their mom had put in had done a somewhat mediocre job.

"I feel like a pot of glue I'm so sticky." Roman snorts at that, and looks at his brother with a raised eyebrow.

“Pot of glue, that the best you can do?”

Dean huffs, offended, “Fuck you, Ro. What else is sticky Mr. Analogy King?”

Roman rolls his eyes and pushes himself from the sand, stripping himself of his sweat soaked shirt and kicking off his shoes.

“I don’t know, but I’m sure there’s a better example you could have used other than a pot of glue.” His brother pouts at him, though his eyes are too busy watching Roman pull his hair out of the loose tie and re do it.

“What’re you doing?”

“Going for a swim, you coming?” Roman’s walking away and down the beach towards the water before Dean even answers. The beach is pretty much deserted, Roman’s only seen a few runners and a dog walker the whole time they’ve been here, so he’s not embarrassed by the small yelp he makes when the cool water licks at his ankles. It might be hot as hell out, but the water isn’t nearly as warm. Still, it begins to cool him down as he steps further in. He wades in deeper until he’s deep enough to float, arms scissoring the water to keep him from going under.

He closes his eyes and lets himself relax for a minute, willing himself to forget about all the things that are weighing him down. Here he feels weightless, he’s not failing school and he’s not having weird, romantic feelings about his brother. Here, said brother is not being wooed by someone else. Here, floating in the cool water, he is free.

“You’re going to float away if you don’t pay attention.” Dean’s soft voice makes him crack an eye open, his brother has waded in the water now, too, and is swimming towards him slowly. He sighs.

“I’d like that.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“You could come with me.”

“So we could go crazy and start talking to a football with a bloody hand print on it?”

“Dean, we are not Tom Hanks in Cast Away.”

“It could still happen if you keep closing your eyes and drifting away from me.” At that, Dean takes a hold of his arm and drags him a little closer in land. He lets him, because he hadn’t realised how far out he’d let himself float out. Dean stops dragging him when he feels the sea bed with his feet and then lets him go, but stays close.

“What’s on your mind big guy, why’d you wanna’ float away?” Roman sighs, squinting his eyes in the sun to be able to see his brother properly. There’s a worried look etched there and it makes Roman shake his head, not wanting to put any of the worry onto him.

“Just a lot going on with school and stuff, is all. It’s hard to juggle it all, I don’t know how you do it.”

Dean gives him a light smile before brushing his knuckles against his shoulder. “Cos’ I’m fucking glorious.” Dean splashes him then, unexpectedly, and the water goes straight into his mouth and makes him cough and splutter.

“You’re such a little shit.” Dean raises a challenging eyebrow before jumping on him, pushing him fully under the water, which is, not what he wanted honestly. He didn’t want to get his hair wet because when salt water dries in it it makes his scalp itch. He surges out of the water, fully intending to give Dean a taste of his own medicine, but his breath catches in his throat when he comes to the surface. He’s face to face with Dean, so close that their noses are almost touching and it makes all of the anger flood from his body and disperse into the water around him.

His heart is in his throat, beating wildly and all he can think about is how much he wants to kiss Dean. Up close Dean’s lips look soft and pink and his eyes shine incredibly bright in the early morning sun and it takes everything in his power not to smash his lips against his. He moves away first, stepping back and breaking the eye contact that Dean seemed to be unwilling to do himself.

The sound of the water swishing against him as he wades back to the shore is loud and raging in his ears as he tries not to think about the fact that he had wanted to kiss his brother and that Dean hadn't moved away from him. He steps out of the water, feeling the warm sun on his back. Roman dares to look back, seeing Dean swimming back to the shore.

Twice in the matter of hours he and Dean had shared a weird, tension filled moment and it makes his heart rattle around his chest. Smoothing a hand down his face Roman perches on a boulder near their stuff and rubs the sand from his feet so that he can put his shoes on without his feet being rubbed raw by the bits of sand in between his toes.

Roman becomes engrossed in the menial task, if only to stop his eyes wandering to his brother, who's walking up the beach dripping wet with his soaking shorts hanging low on his hips, the water making them heavy. If he looks up now, Roman knows he won't be able to look away and he doesn't need to create further tension with his weird feelings. He's done enough for one day.

Dean sits beside him a moment later, and puts his own shoes on, though he doesn't bother brushing the sand away from his feet and Roman knows he will regret it later.

From beside him Dean says, "Are you serious about floating away?" It's barely above a whisper and Roman struggles to hear him. The sad look on his brothers face makes his chest hurt.

"What do you mean?"

"If things get harder, if you keep struggling you're not going to float away are you?"

Roman's chest goes impossibly tight and whatever tension that was between them melts away when he turns to Dean.

"I'm not going anywhere unless it's Georgia Tech with you beside me, got that?" Roman ignores the fact that med school with Seth is probably his brothers new dream, because Georgia Tech is a dream they've had since they were eleven and its familiar and its all he can think to say to reassure Dean that he's okay, really.

  
Hours later, after a hot shower, Dean moaning about his feet being sore because of the sand, helping their dad paint a door from his car and helping their mother to prepare dinner, the whole family are in the back garden enjoying the evening sun. As usual, he and Dean are playing football with their cousins while the adults talk and laugh loudly. For the first time in ages, Tamina, their other favourite cousin has joined them. She's been at college for a while and has been working in nearly all of her spare time and hasn't been able to make it back for a while. Saying that Roman had missed her would be an understatement.

"And so you're just going to sit back and let some other guy date the girl you're in love with?" Dean's saying to Jimmy, haphazardly kicking the ball in his direction.

"Well I can hardly swoop in there and say 'Yo Naomi, I'm super in love with you so can you dump your extremely popular and good looking boyfriend and date me please?' can I you asshat."

"If you think that's what I meant then you are dumber than I thought. I meant woo her and make her see what she's missing out on."

Jimmy scoffs, scrunching up his face. "Her boyfriend Miz is like the Roman of our school."

"What, super hot and super talented?" Roman chimes in with a smirk, causing Jey to kick the ball his way violently.

"Mr. Popular is what he means, don't make us beat sense into your ass."

Scoffing, Roman kicks the ball back to him just as Tamina punches him in the arm, but there’s no heat in it.

“Anyway, why the hell are you busting my ass when you still haven’t got together with that little two-toned kid from your school?” Jimmy says then, and immediately the hairs on the back of his neck go up and his gut wrenches at the mere mention of Seth. It doesn’t matter that Jimmy never even mentioned Seth’s name, it’s enough to make him feel physically sick. The weekends are supposed to be friend-free and no mention of the guy at all.

Dean blushes, dark red spreading across his face and down his neck, visible from his tight fitting light grey t-shirt. Dean almost growls at Jimmy, scratching at his collarbone like he always does when he’s agitated.

“Shut up Jimmy.” At least Roman agrees with that, though he’s not totally comfortable with how embarrassed Dean has suddenly become because Jimmy mentioned his stupid crush. Suddenly feeling like he could kick the stupid ball over the fence or through a window, he excuses himself to take a leak. Roman heads inside, his uncle stopping him briefly to ask about how the season is going before he’s heading upstairs to the bathroom.

He doesn’t actually need the toilet, so he splashes his face with cold water and tries to calm the raging storm of jealousy and anger in his belly. He has no right to be jealous and angry, he knows that, but he can’t help it. He hates it, hates Seth for coming along and wedging himself into Dean’s life and holding on like he’s a starfish with suction cups on his hands.

A gentle knock on the slightly open door startles Roman and he looks up quickly, droplets of water flying everywhere.

“It’s me,” Tamina says, pushing the door open and leaning in the doorway. “Are you okay?” She’s got her ‘concerned older cousin’ face on as Roman dries his face with the towel from the handrail.

“Yeah I’m fine.”

Tamina rolls her eyes and puts her hands on her hips. He should really know better than to lie to her, Tamina has always known when she’s being lied to. When Roman was five, before Dean had been brought into the family, he’d used Tamina’s bike without anyone knowing. He hadn’t learned how to ride and thus fell off the bike and broke the spokes in the wheels; he blamed it on Jey at the time and although the whole family had believed him because he was such a good boy, but Tamina had seen right through his lies. She always has.

“Sure you’re fine buddy, it’s not like you just hot tailed out of the garden quick as you could.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”   
Tamina pushes him down until he’s sitting on the toilet lid, and perches herself on the tub beside him.

“You do, Ro. I’m talking about how you looked about ready to murder Jimmy for mentioning that friend of Dean’s.” Roman’s eyes snap to hers, was he that obvious about his dislike for Seth, had everyone noticed it?

“Don’t worry, the guys were far too busy ribbing Dean to even notice your mood change. But I noticed it, and I want to know what’s up.” So do I. Tamina is looking at him softly, though expectantly and he tries to take a deep breath. Is he going to tell his cousin that he’s sort of maybe got a thing for his brother? His older, wiser cousin who was more like a sister to him growing up, a trustee of sorts. But still, it’s not something Roman can sort of just discuss with someone so openly. ‘Oh hey, I think I have a crush on my brother, but it doesn’t matter because we’re not actually brothers, right?’.

“I’m just, not the guy’s biggest fan, is all.” Which is mostly the truth. Sure, Seth is a nice enough guy and he’s always been nice to Roman. But ever since the kid decided he really liked Dean, well that’s when his issues with him arrose.

“And that’s it, you just throw a tantrum whenever the kid is mentioned?”

“I did not throw a tantrum.”

“Alright then, go in a strop or whatever you want to call whatever you just did. There’s more to this Roman, I know you.”

Studying her face, Roman can see that she’s not going to back down from this, so he must either lie to her face or tell her truth. Both seem equally horrible, if he’s being truthful with himself.

“You’ll keep it between us, and I mean us, no one else can know.”

Placing a hand on Roman’s knee, gently Tamina says, “You have my word.” Running a hand down his face, Roman searches for the right words.

“Lately,” He starts, voice shaking and dropping to a mere whisper. “Lately I’ve been having,” Roman swallows and tries not to choke, “Weird, romantic feelings for Dean.” It’s the first time he’s said it out loud, first time he’s ever really admitted to himself. “And I, it’s not like I asked to feel this way, but I do and I can’t help it. I can’t stop them.”

“And that’s why you got upset that Jimmy mentioned the kid, because there’s something going on between them?”

Roman shrugs. “I guess so.”

“Have you spoken to Dean?”

“God no. We keep, we keep having these sort of moments that make everything weird. We’ve had them twice today, how could I tell him, my brother that I fancy him and expect him to just be cool with it? I can’t lose him over that, ‘Mina.”

“You also can’t lose yourself, Ro. Keeping this in, it’s a lot to deal with, especially with school and everything on top.”

“I’d rather lose myself than him.”

Tamina squeezes his knee and stands up, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Listen buddy, I’m always here for you, doesn’t matter where I am, alright?” With a nod of his head, Tamina gives him a final squeeze before heading out of the bathroom and down the stairs, ready to rejoin the family. He should probably do that too, if he doesn’t want to be on the end of toilet jokes for the rest of the night.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly so glad you're enjoying this and thank you for the wonderful comments that have been coming so far, please keep it up it makes me so happy to read what you think! A little shorter chapter this time, but I will be updating soon! My tumblr is psychrollins so come and find me there, if you'd like! Enjoy!

After admitting his feelings to Tamina, the weight on Roman’s shoulders lightened a little. He and Dean still had those weird, tension filled moments but everything felt a little less suffocating now that he’d told someone about the storm that was raging on inside of his head. 

 

It's been three weeks since then, and right now Roman is nervously waiting for his teacher to hand back his latest biology paper. He has to pass this, if he doesn't he’s pretty sure he's going to be moved classes or worse, put on a cause for concern. Naturally, he's one of the last to be called to pick up his paper, and it makes his leg twitch uncontrollably underneath his desk. 

 

Finally, Mrs Miller calls his name with a smile on her face. His heart hammers in his chest as moves towards her. 

 

“Well done Roman,” she says handing him his paper back, there's a bigger smile on her face now and it reaches her eyes and Roman can tell she's genuinely happy and proud of him. 

 

“Keep up the hard work, okay?” 

 

He looks down at the paper, and it's not an A or a B or anything close, but a D. It's not Dean’s grades but Mrs Miller’s scrawl on the front tells him he's only a couple of marks away from the C he wants and with continued effort towards finals he should get there, and that's good enough for him. 

 

“Thanks, Miss.” Roman folds the paper up and slips it into his bag as he leaves the classroom, intent on finding Dean and showing him that all of his hard work had paid off. He’d studied non stop for two weeks for that test, stayed up countless nights and checked things with Dean over and over again to make sure he’d got them completely right. 

 

He pushes his way through the herd of students, his height bringing him a big advantage when it comes to looking for his brother. Roman eventually finds him outside on the field with Seth, Randy and John. 

 

“Well Reigns, nice of you to finally join us.” John turns his head up as Roman squats down in between Randy and Dean. 

 

“Miller kept us back, had test results to get, some of us actually go to class John.” Roman sniggers as John flips him off. 

 

“So how did you do?” Dean asks eagerly. 

 

“Well I passed, not by huge amounts but I'm close to my targets by all accounts.” 

 

Dean shoves him before wrapping his arms around his neck and squeezing the life out of him. “I knew you could do it, well done Roman.” 

 

“This calls for a celebration, Denny’s tonight?” John cheers loudly making Roman shake his head fondly. 

 

“Call the girls and get them to meet us there, can't have a celebration without the Bella’s.” 

 

“I think that would be called a  _ Bellabration,  _ don't you think?” Seth chimes in, Roman can't help but laugh along with the others. 

 

An hour later the seven of them are squeezed into a five seater booth at Denny’s diner, chatting amongst themselves about their plans for the weekend. Roman is sat between Nikki and Brie and although he loves them dearly, there's only so much he can listen to them talking about the latest Dior dress and make up line. He tunes them out while waiting for their orders and instead focuses on Dean. He's sat with Seth on his right side and Randy on his left. Randy’s too busy talking to John to even notice how close Seth and Dean are. The music and talking does make for a pretty loud atmosphere, but he can here Brie and Nikki just fine so he sees no reason for the two of them to be so close. 

 

An annoyed looking waiter slams their food down in front of them, causing them to break apart quickly. It amuses Roman for all of five seconds, before the waiter turns to him with a flirty smile and slides his food across the table gently, a small scrap of paper along with it before scurrying off. The table is silent for a moment before John is catcalling and reaching for the paper. He unfolds it and a grin spreads across his face.

 

“Roman pulled, call her bro she's hot.” 

 

Roman will agree to that, the waiter was pretty, but really not his type. And by Roman’s type he mainly means guys with mousy blonde curls who wear checked shirts over their tees and are crazy good at biology. 

 

When John finally gives him the paper back after ribbing him for a little bit, Roman scrunches it up and shoves it in his pocket. He has no intention of calling that girl, he hasn't got time for starting a relationship if he wants to do well in his finals. 

 

He's just taking a big bite out of his burger when Nikki kicks him under the table, making him almost choke on it. 

 

“What the fuck?” He mumbles through the food in mouth. Nikki smiles apologetically while stabbing a fry with her fork. 

 

Jerking her head in front of her Nikki whispers, “Dean keeps looking at you with a really sad look on his face, is he okay?” Roman looks at his brother for the first time in a while, he's been too busy devouring the delicious food in front of him and talking with Brie about their History work to have taken notice of the state his brother is in. Indeed, Dean looks as though he's a puppy who's just been kicked and if Seth’s noticed, he's tried not to bring it up because the kid is talking at a million miles an hour. 

 

“Well he was fine when we got here, maybe he's just not feeling well?” Roman shrugs at Nikki who is clearly still concerned about Dean, though she finally shrugs too. She doesn't let the topic go though. 

 

“You know he talks about you a lot, Ro.” 

 

“What?”

 

“Dean. In Chemistry the kid never shuts up about you. ‘Roman this, Roman that’, anyone would think he was describing someone we’d all never met. And then he starts talking about Seth and it all gets a little strange. It's like he's torn between the two of you on who's the better guy.” Nikki says, finally popping the fry that she’d been swirling about her plate for the last ten minutes into her mouth. 

 

With a tinge of bitterness Roman picks up his soda, “Seth’s the better guy in his world, period.” 

 

“Don’t say that, you're his brother.” 

 

“Yep, that's all I am, his brother.” Roman says into his drink. Nikki doesn't catch it luckily and this time she does drop the subject and goes back to asking him about prom. 

 

He tunes her out like he did earlier and focuses back on Dean, who seems to have done the same with Seth, soley focusing on his food which he hasn't eaten a whole lot of. Luckily, Roman’s legs are long enough to be able to reach Dean’s under the table, so he gives him a good kick to get his attention. 

 

Dean looks up from his food quickly, giving Roman a small smile. Using his limited mouthing skills, he asks Dean whether he's okay or not. His brother nods, but shrugs in after thought. He’ll talk to him later, Dean or Roman if he's being honest with himself has never been a fan of big heart to hearts in front of crowds of people. 

 

Randy gives them a lift home, and they're greeted by their mother who congratulates Roman on his good effort while his Dad asks him for better grades than D’s when it comes to the finals. That disappoints him a little, because he's really been trying his hardest to make his parents proud and it clearly isn't good enough. 

 

While Dean talks to their Dad about something that Roman doesn't care about, he heads up to bed. It's only late evening but he's drained and he's pretty much ready to jump into the shower and then get into bed. He's not eighteen yet, but gosh does he feel like he's eighty-eighty or something. He's doing so much studying lately that he's got a permanent twinge in his back that isn't helped by football practice. 

 

But all of the physical pain is nothing compared to the mental pain he goes through trying to keep on top of things without breaking down. 

 

Roman flicks the lights on and shrugs his jacket off, throwing it into the pile of washing he's yet to take into the laundry room. He puts his phone and wallet onto his bedside table, the scrap of paper with the waitresses number on it falling out with them. 

 

He bends down and picks it up, looking at it for the first time since he's gotten it. Her handwriting is extremely neat and pretty, and the number is followed by the words  _ call me  _ and a cute smile face, but it doesn't matter, he’ll probably end up giving the number to Randy or John and see if they can snag a date out of her or something. 

 

“Are you going to call her?” Dean’s voice from the doorway startles him and he quickly scrunches up the paper, turning to Dean who's leaning on the doorframe with a weird, unreadable expression on his face. 

 

“Uh, no, probably not.” Roman stammers, suddenly caught off guard by the intensity of Dean’s gaze. 

 

“Good.” Is all Dean says before stepping away, padding down the hall towards his own room. It confuses Roman to no end, making his head spin and his feet follow Dean out of the door. 

 

“Why?”

 

“She's not your type.” Comes Dean’s short reply before his door is shut. Roman stands in the hallway a little confused for a moment before shaking it off and going back to his room. 

 

The shower can wait till morning, that little confusion cluster fuck is working his brain to hard and he really just wants to sleep and forget about everything for a while. Roman strips off and gets into bed, head still reeling despite his desperate attempts to get it to shut off.  _ Good.  _ Dean doesn't want him to call the girl.  _ Good.  _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for such lovely feedback! This is another kind of filler chapter, BUT there is good stuff to come soon so, keep on hanging on and we'll get there, my friends! Please leave a comment telling me what you think, and thank you to my frequent commenters who leave such lovely words on every chapter, you know who you are and I love you very much! If you want to send me a message, my tumblr is psychrollins and I love hearing from everyone! Anyway. enough rambling, enjoy!

For the next couple of weeks Roman actually does well in school, though the time he has to train for football decreases and the coach isn't happy about it. Roman’s tried to explain that a scholarship programme won't take him unless he can pass all his classes, which at the moment he’s only just able to do, and he's got the football bit down. 

 

Coach Helmsley doesn't really care though, he expects him to be at every single training session with no excuses. 

 

It's harder than anyone knows, and for a while Roman struggles to cope with anything. His days become a blur of waking up super early to get some one on one training in with Coach before heading to his classes, working through his lunches to get his work done so that he can attend after school practice with the team, then working all night to make sure everything he learnt in the day stays in his head. It wears him out, and the constant nagging from his parents that he can't let his grades drop doesn't help anything at all. 

 

His social life becomes practically none existent, not even being able to go to Colter’s or Denny’s with his friends on a Friday. But what's worse than all of that is the chance that it gives Seth to weasel his way even more into Dean’s life, and with Roman spending so much of his time trying to juggle everything, they've been spending more and more time together. 

 

It's taken him a while, but he's finally come to the conclusion that he is in fact in love with his brother. It's taken Roman the time he's had to be alone with his thoughts and not being around Dean so much to fully understand the feelings he's been having. 

 

Even though he's now sure what he's feeling, he's not going to say anything. What could he say? Nothing, not when his brother is possibly starting a relationship with someone else, even if that someone else is Seth Rollins. 

 

Roman shoves his dirty shorts and t-shirt into his gym bag as quickly as he can, hoping to be able to catch the late biology catch up session Miss Miller is putting on for her students.

 

“Hey Rome, we’re going to Denny’s for John’s birthday, you're coming right?” Dean’s joined him, standing shirtless with his hair dripping wet against his face. Roman is momentarily stunned by him before he's able to string together some words in response. 

 

“Eh, no. I'm gonna head to Miller for some biology catch up and them I'm going home to do some homework, tell John I'm sorry I had to bail, I'll catch him next week.” 

 

Dean lets out a sigh, “Rome you haven't had any time to yourself lately, and you haven't spent any time with us, you need a break.” 

 

“I'll have a break when I've passed my finals. But right now, I gotta go. See you later Deano.” Roman swings his gym bag over his shoulder and strides out of the changing rooms. His watch tells him that he’s only a couple of minutes late to the Biology session and he knows Miss Miller understands that he also has practice, so he’s not too worried about it. 

 

When he pushes through the door, he’s pleasantly surprised to see he’s not the only one needing the extra help, but he’s not surprised to see who it is who needs the help. Cory has his head buried in his bag, most likely searching for the pen he had last period but carelessly threw in there when it ended. 

 

“Ah Roman, I’m glad you made it in such quick time. If you’d like to take a seat and get your textbook out, we’ll begin. 

 

Miss Miller goes through the work they did last class to make sure that it all went in, and thanks to the copious amounts of work that Roman’s been doing after school, he’d got it pretty much down, he even helps Cory out on a couple of questions which shocks all three of them just a bit. 

 

The whole thing makes Roman a little bit more confident in himself and his abilities and he leaves school feeling a little lighter than when he arrived. The lightness is only short lived though when he remembers the History paper he has to rewrite for Mrs McMahon. She’d initially liked it, saying that it was a well written and well thought out piece of work, only it was on the wrong time period. He’d been in such a rush to do it (having forgotten to put a note in his book that it needed to be done) that he’d completely misread the date. McMahon had understood though and told him that he could do it again as long as he gets it in before she’s graded the rest of them. 

 

The walk home is strangely relaxing, though a little lonely. His usual walk home involves John and Dean bickering about their play on the field and Seth trying to understand what’s going on while Nikki and Brie gossip away at a million miles an hour. Sometimes Randy will join them, if he hasn’t bunked off to go home early and sometimes giving them a lift, if he has gas in his car. Today Roman is alone and it’s peaceful, which he’s sort of getting used to. He does miss his friends, and he especially misses Dean, but he doesn’t want to be the only one not going to college and to be able to avoid that, he needs to pass. 

 

Roman gets home just as the sun begins to set and his brother is setting the dinner table. 

“Roman, just in time, dinner’s nearly ready. Help your brother, will you?” 

 

He shrugs his bag off and leaves it by the stairs, taking some of the cutlery from Dean and setting the other side of the table. 

 

“How was biology with Miller?” 

 

“Good actually, I’m pretty solid on the stuff that should be coming up on the next test so yeah, good I think.” 

 

Dean smiles at him but it’s not quite there, not quite reaching his eyes like Roman knows it can. 

 

“I miss you, you know.” Dean admits quietly, placing his last knife down and coming to stand beside him. Those softly spoken words and the dimples in Dean’s cheeks makes Roman’s heart jump and beat wildly in his chest. 

 

“Hey, I’m still here y’know, just a bit busy is all.” 

 

“Too busy to spend time with your favourite brother.” Dean begins to pout, crossing his arms over his chest like a spoilt child.

 

Roman rolls his eyes, “Don’t give me that face, Dean. I’ve still got time for you, don’t worry.” Roman doesn’t say anything else, though he wants to ask why Dean can say this when most of the time he’s too busy with Seth, but he refrains. It’s a good job he does, because their mom walks in at that moment with a steaming bowl of rice, dad following with the tagine. 

 

Through dinner Roman stays pretty quiet, their dad is pretty occupied in asking Dean about the colleges he’ll be applying too, conveniently avoiding asking Roman. Dean is set on medical school it seems, one far, far away from Florida and that makes the food in Roman’s stomach feel heavy and disgusting despite it being his favourite and he he immediately wants to throw up. He makes it through without barfing all over the table and can even stand to help wash the dishes. He’s just putting the last place back in the drawer when his mother puts a hand on his shoulder and gives it a comforting squeeze. 

 

“Are you okay, Roman? You look worn out.” At least Dean’s not the only one that’s noticed. 

 

“Yeah mom, I’m okay. I’m just, working hard at the moment.” 

 

“Your dad can see that you know, and he is proud of you.” 

 

“Sure doesn’t feel like it.” 

 

“You know what he’s like, as soon as you pass your finals you’ll see. He just wants the best for you, for the both of you.” She kisses his cheek and makes her way back into the front room. He’s sure his dad is proud of him in some way, but right now it feels that all his dad is proud of is Dean and his medical school revelations. 

 

Roman hangs the dish towel on the peg and heads up to his room, toying between starting his history paper and taking a shower. 

 

He ends up starting his paper, because even if he doesn’t get it completely finished tonight, he can finish it in his free period tomorrow which for one, is actually free. 

 

He’s about halfway done when there’s a knock at his door, it’s all too familiar to not know who it is.

 

“Come in.” His door opens and from the corner of his eye Roman can see Dean standing in the doorway, dressed in his grey sweat pants and one of Roman’s old football jerseys. 

 

“Are you going to stop working at any point tonight?” 

 

Roman looks up, his brother is giving him that look, the “I’m going to try and be like mom so that you will stop everything you’re doing and pay attention to me.” look. 

 

“I’m probably going to give up in about ten minutes, I need a shower.” 

 

“Or you could give up now so that you can shower and watch a movie with me?” 

 

“Are you incapable of watching one by yourself?” 

 

“Romann,” Dean whines like a five year old, “I miss you, please?” Roman takes a look down at his work, which he’s pretty pleased about and decides to finish the rest tomorrow. He’s pretty beat and he has worked hard today, there’s nothing wrong in taking a break.

 

“Alright, you win Deano. Go get a movie, I’ll be out in five.” 

 

xXx

 

“Rome?”

 

“Yeah Deano?” The two of them are laying out on Roman’s bed, some stupid comedy playing on the TV. Roman had got out of the shower to find Dean splayed out on his bed, intently reading the back of many DVD cases. 

 

“Why are you suddenly so worried about school?” 

 

Roman sighs, shifting a bit so not all of Dean’s weight is on his side. “Because I don’t want to fail Dean.” 

 

“You never cared about failing before, why now?” 

 

“Because the scholarship programmes don’t just care about my football skills, they want the grades too. I don’t pass, I don’t get the scholarship. I can’t fail dad.” 

 

“You won’t fail dad Rome, he’s not like that.” 

 

“Just don’t worry about it, D. Enjoy the movie.” Dean doesn’t really get it. It’s not his fault, but he can’t understand something that doesn’t happen to him. Dean’s clever, it doesn’t matter whether he goes to med school or Georgia Tech, all that matters is that he’s clever and their dad can be proud of clever. Who could be proud of a son who’s only skill is passing a ball around a field and scoring a touchdown? 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, yay! So things are starting to get interesting now, and in the coming chapters the story is really going to take hold! Thank you all so much for the wonderful comments and kudos you guys are leaving on this, I love hearing your thoughts! So please, drop me a comment with a guess of what you think is going to happen or what you generally think about the whole story or just this chapter, I love talking with you alllll. Hope you enjoy! Also, if you're interested in me posting a playlist for this, let me know! I have a pretty big one! x

The thing with being busy is, the days pass so quickly you lose track of what day it actually is. Before Roman knows it, it’s the middle of February and finals are looming ever closer. And all while Roman nearly tears his hair out he’s so stressed, Dean remains calm, collected and able to socialise with their friends. It’s not the friends part that Roman minds so much, he knows that he can call Randy, John or the twins any time he likes and they’ll be game to hang out, it’s the alone time he’s allowing Seth and Dean to have that is his main concern. 

 

Which is, really jealous and possessive but Roman will admit that, now that he’s admitting his feelings he doesn’t have such a hard time admitting anything anymore, but it’s a trait he’d rather not have. God knows what the two of them have been up to while Roman’s been holed up in his room for the past how many nights. Nikki has been a doll really, sending him texts to keep him updated with any social information he may need so he doesn’t seem like a total recluse when he’s at school, but so far he’s received nothing on his brother and the two-toned little fuck. 

 

Roman shoves his books into his bag and collects his things, it’s finally the weekend and he’s going to take a well earned break by meeting Nikki for pizza. 

 

“Roman, can I have a quick word?” Mrs Miller calls to him as he’s getting up, he shrugs his coat on and heads over to her, praying that it isn't anything about the last test he did, he was so sure he’d done well on it. 

 

She offers him a reassuring smile, “Don’t look so scared Roman it’s not bad, it’s good, actually, very good. Your test scores are really improving, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the grade for the last one you did, which I will be returning next week. I knew you could do it, you just have to use that brain of yours Mr Reigns.”

 

“Thanks Miss, couldn’t have done it without you.” 

 

“You did it all yourself Roman, now go and have a lovely weekend.”

 

“You too, Miss.” 

 

“Oh and Roman, well done. I’m proud of you.” 

 

Roman leaves the class with a smile spreading across his face, there aren’t many occasions that people tell him that they’re proud of him, and it means alot coming from Mrs Miller. 

 

Nikki is already waiting by his locker when he gets there. “C’mon slow coach, class finished five minutes ago.” 

 

Roman rolls his eyes, grabbing the rest of his stuff from his locker, “Yeah five minutes Nik, not ten, calm down.” 

 

“Whatever, lets get going, I’m so hungry and I’m really craving this pizza.” She takes him by the arm and leads him out of the school gates. Nikki has quickly become his right arm this semester, more so than she ever has been before. The others, as wonderful as they are, aren’t as dedicated to their education as Roman has become, but Nikki, being the smart girl she is, always has been and understands that whatever time Roman has is precious. She’s also the most interesting out of his friends, contrary to popular belief, the girl has an interesting view of the world. 

 

“How’s everything going Ro? We hardly get to see you anymore, and my social update texts hardly count as communication when you just read them and reply with the appropriate smiley face.” Roman huffs out a laugh, squeezing her arm. 

 

“What else am I meant to reply to “I think Randy slept with that blonde girl from your history! Hashtag ew.”? 

 

“I don’t know, share my disgust with me maybe?” 

 

“Everyone knows I’m disgusted by everything Randy does, I don’t need to convey it through text as well.” 

 

Nikki laughs, “Good point.” 

 

“What about you?” 

 

“Oh you know, I’m the usual, trying to compete with Brie and her wonderful new boyfriend Daniel. My mom loves him, like, she’s already planning their wedding and I can’t even get a date to prom.” It all seems like a broken record, he’s pretty sure his mom is planning Seth and Dean’s wedding and they’re not even dating yet. And he hasn’t got a date to prom yet either, which is not the top of his to do list, but still sucks. 

 

“I hardly believe you of all people can’t get a date to prom.” 

 

“Okay you’re right, what I meant to say is, I can’t get the date that I want.” She looks up at him with her big brown eyes and those fluttering eye lashes. 

 

“Nik, you know that I love you to pieces but just not like that.”

 

“I know Rome, but you’re my best friend and I don’t want to go to prom with any of the other losers that attend our school.” 

 

That does make Roman laugh, and he can see her point, the selection of male specimens suitable for Nikki is very small. 

 

“Point taken, look, if you don’t find a suitable date soon, I’ll take you to prom. But, only as friends.” Nikki smiles brightly and reaches up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. 

 

“My hero, thank you.”

 

The two of them share a pizza and catch up about school work. Roman’s phone buzzes multiple times in his pocket but he doesn’t look at it, he’s pretty sure it’s Dean seeing as the only people that really get into contact with him are Dean and Nikki. He hadn’t told Dean about meeting with Nikki, just their mom that he wouldn’t be home for dinner and he’s probably annoyed that Roman didn’t tell him. 

 

“By the way, you can’t ditch the prom offer if you suddenly get a hot boyfriend.” Nikki says calmly, the word “boyfriend” makes Roman choke on the soda he was sipping on. 

 

“Excuse me?” 

 

“I said, now you’ve offered to take me to prom there’s no going back.” 

 

“No no, you missed the “boyfriend” part out the second time.” 

 

Nikki rolls her eyes, “And? I’m just saying, you’re not ditching me.” 

 

“You think I’m gay?” 

 

“Ro, dear, I know. I’ve known for a long time.” 

 

Roman admits defeat, he can’t lie for shit, especially to Nikki. “Then why have you always flirted with me?” 

 

Nikki sets down her food, giving him a soft smile. “I figured that because you’d never mentioned it and always went along with all the guys talking about hot girls, you didn’t want anyone to know, so to keep up appearances, I acted to make it look like you know, there was a lil’ somethin’ somethin’ there, and it’s worked so far hasn’t it?” 

 

He can’t argue with that, no one has ever questioned his sexuality, and it’s not like he’s exclusively tried to hide it from anyone, he’s just never been asked about it or wanted to shout it from the rooftops.  

 

“How did you know?” 

 

“Well, you had to be to turn down the beautiful woman you got sitting in front of you,” Roman cracks a smile, and Nikki’s tone softens, “and it’s the way you look at Dean, you can’t look at someone like that and not have feelings for them.” 

 

Roman clams up, it can’t be that obvious, can it? 

 

“I don’t know what you mean, he’s my brother Nik, I don’t look at him like anything.” Roman keeps his eyes on his plate, suddenly going off his food. 

 

“You don’t fool me, Rome. I’ve seen it, the way you look at him likes he’s the sun, moon, earth and stars. The way he looks at you the same way? Don’t worry about it Ro, no one else has noticed, they’re all too dumb. I wasn’t sure at first, but the glares you always give Seth were very telling.” 

 

“It’s wrong, I know, but I can’t help it, I don’t know how it happened.” Roman whispers, rubbing a hand across his face. Nikki stretches her arm out, clasping her hand in his. 

 

“We can’t choose who we fall in love with Roman. And it just so happens that you fell in love with your brother; your not-biologically-related-brother may I add, it can’t be changed you just have to deal with it.”

 

“Nikki he’s my brother, I can’t have a thing for my brother, biological or not.” Nikki squeezes his hand, “Look at me Roman, look at me.” 

 

Roman looks at him, smiling reassuringly, “You’ll be alright, things have a crazy way of working out.” 

 

“You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?” Patting his arm, she shakes her head. 

 

“Cross my heart, Ro.” 

  
  


xXx

  
  


Roman gets home feeling exhausted, spilling his heart over pizza and soda has drained the life out of him, and now all he wants to do is lay out on his bed and watch a movie or play some video games. His wishes are thrown out of the window when his dad immediately starts talking at a hundred miles an hour about the scholarship pamphlets that came in the mail for him. It’s the most excited he’s seen him for a while and if he weren’t so pooped, he’d be able to join in. 

 

“I’ll read over them tonight, dad.” His dad pats him on the back and heads back towards the garage. The pamphlets sit heavy in his hands, being something else he’s got to deal with now and he heads up the stairs, ready to crash land on his bed. 

 

He’s glad that he decided to give himself the weekend off, he could really do with a nap. Roman chucks the scholarship information onto his desk ready to deal with later and immediately rids himself of his jeans, changing into his bed shorts and flopping down onto his bed. It feels like heaven against his aching body, so good that he groans in relief. 

 

Roman’s brief moment of heaven is shattered though when his door swings open and Dean storms in, hands crossed over his chest and a hurt look plastered on his face. 

 

“Where have you been?” 

 

“Jesus  _ mom _ , I’ve been with Nikki, don’t get your panties in a bunch.” 

 

“I’ve been trying to call you for hours, Roman.” 

 

“Okay, is this some freaky friday shit? Because you sound just like mom that one time I forgot to tell her practice had been swapped to a Tuesday.” 

 

“No, this is your brother who wanted to hang out with you, but someone wouldn’t return their calls.” 

 

Roman sighs and sits up, cringing when the bones crack and crunch as he moves. “Dean, I told mom that I was out with Nikki, didn’t she tell you?” 

 

“Mom’s out and besides, she shouldn’t have to tell me,  _ you  _ should answer your damn phone.” 

 

“I’m sorry alright? Nikki and I got caught up talking, is all. I’m back now, we can hang if you want, but I’m probably gonna’ crash on you, I’m already half dead.” 

 

Dean pads over to the bed, like a child who didn’t get his own way, and drops down beside Roman. 

 

“So you and Nikki, was it like, a date?” For a moment, Roman is silent. Maybe he could lie and say yes, because Nikki did say that she’d been flirting with him to fool people and she seems to have Dean pretty fooled, but he’s not sure he could do that to his brother, it’s far too complicated to get into a bunch of lies and he really can’t be bothered to deal with all that at the moment.

 

“No, just a catch up,” In an afterthought he adds, “I did tell her I’d take her to prom, though. So there’s that.” 

 

“So you’re not a thing then?” 

 

“No, why’d you ask?” 

 

Dean shrugs, laying down and scooting close to Roman. It makes his heart speed up, the feeling of Dea pressed close to him and the smell of his aftershave right under his nose. “Just wandered, and it’s common knowledge that she has a thing for you.” 

 

Roman suppresses a smile, “Oh, really?” 

 

“You know it Roman, don’t hide it. She’s always clinging onto you like,  _ “Oh Roman, you’re so funny,”  _ and  _ “Isn’t Roman so handsome?”  _ Dean imitates Nikki’s voice, getting it pretty spot on - only reinforcing what Nikki had said earlier, that she made out that there was something going on - and making Roman laugh. 

 

“So what if she has a crush on me, I don’t have one on her and she knows that.” 

 

“She doesn’t know that if you say you’re taking her to prom, that’s a pretty couple-ly thing to do.” 

 

Roman rolls his eyes, though he can’t help but feel his brother is slightly jealous of the time he spends with any female. First there was the girl from Denny’s, being annoyed that he’d gotten her number - which wasn’t proven, but it was the only thing he could come up with - and now pissy that he went out with Nikki and didn’t answer his calls. 

 

“I told her that we’re just going as friends. And why does it matter anyway, it’s not like I was going to go with anyone else.” Dean is quiet then, pressing his head against Roman’s chest. 

 

“I miss you, we haven’t hung out in ages.” 

 

“We watched a movie like, a couple of weeks ago Deano.” 

 

Dean huffs, “That was a couple of weeks ago Ro, I’ve missed you since then.” 

 

“Well I’m here now, aren’t I? I’m taking a break for the weekend, we can hang out all weekend.” 

 

“Good.” 

 

_ Good. _

  
  


xXx

  
  


Roman wakes up to a dark room and a heavy weight settled on top of him. It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust, but Roman looks down to find Dean asleep, clinging onto him. His leg is tucked nicely over one of Roman’s and his arm is slung over his stomach, hand resting just on his naval. It’s slightly uncomfortable, Roman’s limbs are stiff and they ache something terrible but he can’t bring himself to move Dean, he looks so peaceful and beautiful curled up around him. It would be criminal to even think of waking his brother. 

  
A quick glance at the clock on the nightstand tells Roman that it’s quarter past one in the morning, they probably passed out at around eleven and haven’t moved since. He knows he and his body will regret it in the morning, but he won’t wake Dean to move him. Having him this close, pretending that he’s not sharing him with anyone else, it’s everything he wants and needs.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holaaaa! It's friday, so it's update time! I want to say a big thank you to KailynnYukari, LetsMakeSomeNoiz and FlyingMonkey for having commented on every single chapter and always giving me such nice words and encouragement! You guys are the best and i love you. Also, there's now a playlist for this! http://8tracks.com/kawx/dear-brother so give that a listen! Please continue all the wonderful feedback you've been giving me, it honestly makes me smile so much and I LOVE hearing your theories on how everything is going to happen. Also, there's a reference to an Elbow song in here and if anyone can guess it, well, maybe you'll win something (idk what, like a story or graphic of your choice or something) so look out for that! Anyway, I've rambled for far too long so please, enjoy and don't forget to tell me your theories at the end!

The thing with Dean is, he tends to have episodes where he’s at home for long periods of times and wants nothing to do with anyone other than Roman, and then in the blink of an eye he’s out all the time at the library with Seth and some of his other nerd buddies. Which, is great, except that lately it’s been giving Roman whiplash. 

 

Since he’s been working harder in school, Roman’s been home more, which means that he’s noticed Dean’s erratic behaviour more so than he used to. At the moment, Dean’s at home and has been hanging all over Roman since the day he went out with Nikki after school. 

 

Roman’s flicking through his history textbook when Dean begins to laugh. “What’s funny Deano?” Dean’s laying down on Roman’s bed so Roman’s body is in between his legs while he works. Dean sits up and presses his cheek against Roman’s back and he can feel the searing heat from his skin through the thin material of his shirt. 

 

“Do you remember the letter I sent you? The one before I’d even met you.” Roman laughs then, too. He does remember the letter, remembers being too ill to go and see Dean with his parents but being given the letter once they got back. He shuts his textbook and pushes himself from the bed - ignoring the grunt from Dean as he protests at Roman’s sudden movements - going over to his closet and pulling out a battered cardboard box that he’d had since he was a kid. He carefully removes the lid as he moves back to the bed to sit beside Dean, whose curiosity has peaked now he’s gotten over the initial trauma of Roman moving. 

 

“You still have it?” 

 

“Yeah,” Roman smiles, carefully unfolding the piece of paper that he’d neatly placed in the box after he’d received it. “Couldn’t get rid of it could I? I was getting a brother, that’s not something that happens everyday.” Roman smiles down at Dean’s scruffy, six year old handwriting, remember how excited he was when he heard that soon he would have a brother. 

 

_Dear Brother,_ _  
_ _Sally told me your name is Roman. And you are going to be my brother. Are you a real Roman like the ones Connor told me about? They have big swords and helmets with hair sticking out the top. Anyway Sally said that you couldn’t come and see me when Patricia and Sika did because you were sick. I hope you are not sick anymore. Sally gave me a big box of model cars for us to play with. You can’t play with them if you are sick! I’m real excited about having a brother. I have always wanted one. My momma would not let me have one. She said that I was not a good boy. Sally says I am. So now I get you. I have to go now Sally is calling me. But we can play cars when I see you._ _  
__  
___From Dean.

  
  


“But look at it, I called you a Roman, Roman. I asked whether you had a helmet with hair and a sword, that’s-”

 

“It’s cute, Dean. You were obviously excited to see someone as cool as me.” 

 

Dean smacks his arm lightly, rolling his eyes. “Yeah yeah, whatever. However, I think you’d make a good Roman.”  __   
  


“And you came to that conclusion because?” Roman raises an eyebrow at his brother, placing the letter back into the tattered box. 

 

“Dunno, just think all the armour and helmets and stuff would suit you, is all.” Roman rolls his eyes as he puts the box back onto the shelf in his closet. 

 

“Let’s be honest, I’d look great in a skirt.” Roman comments, wiggling his hips a little making Dean burst into laughter. Getting back onto his bed, Roman shoves Dean as he’s still laughing, the corners of his eyes crinkling and a bright smile on his face. 

 

“Move over doofus, I got to finish this,” Roman picks up his pen before turning to his brother once again, “Wait a minute, don’t you have any homework to be doing? I wanna hang out this weekend, don’t leave it till’ then.” 

 

Dean scoffs, “Dear brother, you think I haven’t done my homework yet?” 

 

Roman backtracks, “You’re right, stupid question. Please, continue to sit and stare at me while doing nothing as I work into the early hours of Friday morning before school has even started.” Roman is not normally so sarcastic, but he’s not seeing the fairness in how Dean can be free from stress while he’s almost tearing his hair out. 

 

“Aw, come on Rome, I’m keeping you company.” That is true, and he does love having Dean sit so close to him, keeping him focused when all he really wants to do is sleep. 

 

“You are, but could you make yourself useful and get me some juice, my mouths feeling like the desert over here.” 

 

“Anything for you, Romie.” 

  
  


xXx

  
  


It’s a rarity nowadays, but Roman’s managed to get his work done so that he can have lunch with his friends rather than holed up in the library trying to learn important quotes, equations and things alike between bites of a sandwich. 

 

“So Daniel told me the carnival came to town yesterday, how about we all go tonight? We haven’t all hung out properly in ages, and yes Roman I’m looking at you.” Brie says, glaring at him though with no actual heat to it. 

 

“Daniel, is that your little goat of a boyfriend?” 

 

“He’s not a goat Randy, he just has more facial hair than your typical eighteen year old, right Nikki?” 

 

“Sure Brie, it’s that.” Nikki smiles, and Roman has to suppress a smirk. Nikki has made it clear to him that she’s not the guys biggest fan. but doesn’t want to hurt Brie’s feelings by telling her so. 

 

“See,” Brie emphasises while glaring at Randy, missing Nikki’s obvious sarcasm, “Anyway, back to the carnival, are you all in?” 

 

“I’m afraid I gotta pass,” Seth announces, “I’m heading out of town for the weekend to visit my grandparents.” Roman does a mini fist pump in his head, hanging out with everyone without that little weasel hanging onto Dean the whole time? He’s down for that. 

 

“Everyone else can make it though, right? Roman?” 

 

“I’m game if everyone else is.” The others, who look mildly disinterested in everything Brie has to say, nod in agreement and she gives an excited clap in response. Roman huffs out a fond laugh at her excitement. 

 

He takes a good look at his friends sitting around a bench in the cafeteria and wonders how they all ended up together. They’re an odd bunch, and most people wouldn’t believe that they were all friends, those who believe in the school clique stereotypes. 

 

They’re all completely different and in theory, should each be in different groups. He and John  and are the jocks of the group, great athletic ability but not much in the way of brains. Randy is the joker, the drop out of you will. He doesn’t do much of anything and his only ticket to college is his father, who's on the board of administrators for a big college out of state. Nikki and Brie are the extremely beautiful and extremely popular twins who every girl secretly wants to be and every guy wants to date. And then there’s his brother, and Seth of course, who are the ultimate nerds.  

 

It shouldn’t work, they’re all completely different types of people who in theory aren’t socially compatible, but somehow it does. And even with a slight exception, he wouldn’t trade them for the world. 

 

The idea of hanging out with his friends - and without Seth, which although he admits to himself is a little cruel, is even better - gets Roman through the rest of the day, and by the time they’re all packed into Randy and Daniel’s - who Brie had neglected to tell them was tagging along - car, he was in a great mood and actually felt totally relaxed. 

 

He hasn’t been to a carnival since he was a kid, the last time being with Dean, Jimmy, Jey and Tamina when they visited their grandparents. It’s oddly familiar, the bright lights of the rides and the smell of cotton candy and corn dogs creating a weird scent in the air that oddly, isn’t disgusting. 

 

The seven of them try out the various stalls and rides, with John and Randy having a ‘friendly’ competition on the shooting range which ended in neither of them being very good and Roman managing to win both Nikki and Dean a plushie on the claw machine. 

 

“You know what I think would be really cool, if we all went to the fortune teller.” Brie says, arm hooked around Daniel’s and a grin on her face. 

 

“Really, Brie, you believe that crap?” 

 

“It’s not crap, Dean, and even if you don’t believe, it’s just a bit of fun, what harm could it do?” None of them can really argue with that so they all end up in front of the fortune teller’s booth which admittedly actually looks really cool. They all go in one by one, Brie going first and Roman standing at the back of the line so that he can admire the view for a little longer. One by one his friends come out with grins on their faces and by the time it’s Roman’s turn, he enters not knowing what to expect. 

 

“Are you the last, my dear?” The fortune teller is a pretty, middle eastern woman with dark hair and piercing green eyes. The inside of the booth is dark besides from a sickly coloured lamp in the corner. 

 

“Uh, yeah.” Roman takes a seat opposite her and she stares at him inquisitively. It’s a little bit unnerving, but he guesses that’s a given with this type of thing. 

 

“Hardship is no stranger to you is it, my dear boy?” She gives a light smile and Roman would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little freaked out. How could she know that? 

 

“Persevere and you will prevail, though be careful, because out there your boy may look like an angel, but he will lace your lemonade and set you on a path of destruction.” It takes Roman a moment or two to comprehend what she just said before he realises that the ‘boy’ she’s talking about is  _ Dean.  _

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking-”

 

“You do, go and join your friends, they are waiting for you.” It’s a dismissal, that much is clear and if Roman is being honest with himself, he doesn’t really want to stay in this booth for much longer anyway. He pushes himself out of his chair, mumbling a quick thanks to the fortune teller before exiting. 

 

The others are all standing outside, laughing at something that Randy has said when he joins them and he tries to look unfazed by what just happened, but it’s no easy feat.

 

“That was quick Ro.” Nikki says, latching herself back onto his arm, the soft toy he’d won her hanging from her other arm. 

 

“Uh yeah,” He says quickly, “She didn’t have a lot to say.” He adds, giving a small smile. It’s good enough, apparently, as they all move on pretty quickly with Brie insisting that they all head to the beach. Roman doesn’t feel up to it now, but Nikki’s got a pretty good grip on him and he’s pretty sure neither Brie nor Dean would let him leave now.  

 

He just can’t understand what the fortune teller said to him, what does she mean, “lace your lemonade?” What has lemonade got to do with his brother? And also, how did she even know about Dean. Which, she hadn’t actually said his name but the angel reference meant that it couldn’t be anyone else. They’d all gone in separate and she hadn’t seen them together at the same time, not unless she’d seen them while they were walking around the carnival. But that still doesn’t explain how she knew about his “hardships” as she put it. 

 

“Rome, you doing okay? You look like you’re thinkin’ real hard.” Nikki’s sitting next to him on the sand while the others play volleyball further down. 

 

“Yeah, yeah I’m good Nik, thanks.” 

 

“Don’t lie to me, Roman, I know you. There’s something on your mind.” It’s not a question and Roman knows he can’t fool Nikki. 

 

“Just something that the fortune teller said, I can’t get my head around it.” 

 

“C’mon Ro, you know that it’s not real, don’t worry about it.” 

 

“I know, I know, but what she said was weird, Nik. And not weird as in, “you don’t know anything about me how can you say that,” but more like, “you don’t know anything about me how did you know that?” type of thing.”

 

“What did she say?” 

 

“That I had to be careful of my boy standing outside because although he looks like an angel. he’ll lace my lemonade and set me on a path of destruction,” Roman scratches his arm and keeps his eyes focused on the game of volleyball over near the water. “And she said that I was no stranger to hardships.” 

 

“Was she talking about--”

 

“Dean? I presume so. Couldn’t describe the others as angels really, could you?”

 

“What could that even mean?” Roman shrugs his shoulders, a heavy sigh leaving his lips. 

 

Nikki tries to smile, “Don’t worry about it Ro, I’m sure sure she’s just trying to freak you out. She said I was holding myself back and that I needed to realise my full potential. I was like honey I realised it a long time ago thank you. She’s just a phoney.” 

 

Roman gives a slight nod and a forced smile, hoping that Nikki will drop it so that he can try and forget about it. 

  
Nikki leans over and presses a kiss to his cheek, “Hey, cheer up, everything will be okay, I promise.” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this update is a day late because I was with my folks last night and didn't get a chance to get on here and upload this, but here we go! Strap yourselves in for this one, the balls gonna' start rollin'! Thanks everyone for your absolutely wonderful comments that you always leave me! Also, BlissfulRiot (over at ffdotnet) managed to guess the Elbow song (it was the lemonade angel line that got everyone) so, when I've kicked out a couple more chapters of this; you'll all be getting a spin of kinda fic from someone else's POV, seeing as that is what she asked for! As always, please keep the wonderful comments coming and hit me up at my tumblr psychrollins and checking out the playlist I made for this! http://8tracks.com/kawx/dear-brother

Roman is still confused about the whole fortune teller thing when he and Dean get back from the carnival, and the last thing he wants to do is sit and talk to his dad about the scholarship leaflets that he’s done nothing with since he got them. 

 

But he does anyway, even if it does leave him feeling deflated and like he hasn’t gotten any further than before. The worst part about it all is that his dad can’t seem to understand that he’ll take what he can get, yes, the dream is Georgia Tech, but he’d be happy with any of the others he’s been potentially offered. His dad probably won’t be, though, gathering from the serious talk he’s getting right now.  _ Study hard and get the grades _ . It’s what he’s been doing, right? Not exactly the good grades but he’s been studying harder than anyone would have ever thought, but it’s not really that simple, is it? 

 

Studying hard doesn’t always get you the grades, it just gives you more of a chance. Roman agrees just to avoid an argument. Eventually, his dad lets him go and Roman lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. This whole school, scholarship and college thing might be a lot easier if he didn’t have him breathing down his neck, scrutinizing every little thing he did and not showing an ounce of encouragement unless it involves Georgia Tech. Roman shoves the thoughts away, he doesn’t want to think about it anymore tonight, he’s mostly enjoyed his evening, he doesn’t need to upset himself. 

 

Upstairs, Roman can hear Dean being extremely loud in his room, which is unlike his brother. The sound of drawers and closet doors slamming filter through the walls and Roman can hear Dean grumbling away at a thousand miles an hour alongside it. He steps closer to Dean’s room, but the rambling doesn’t become any clearer, becomes even more incoherent if that’s possible and louder as something is probably kicked across the room. 

 

Roman knocks on his door, “Deano, you okay in there buddy?” The crashing around stops for a second, just long enough for Dean to grunt in reply. 

 

“Fine, I’m fine Ro.” It’s an obvious lie, because Dean slams his closet door shut again and Roman can’t think why Dean would have to go in and out of the thing more than twice. He pushes the door open, being greeted by Dean’s floor littered with clothes and shoes from his closet and things generally strewn about the room, nothing like it’s normal state. 

 

“Woah, woah, hey what’s wrong?” Roman takes hold of Dean’s shoulders to stop him from pacing about the room. 

 

“It’s nothing, Ro, honestly.” 

 

“Yeah, don’t talk shit, Dean, your room looks like the shower rooms after football practice. Spill.” He pushes Dean down onto his bed and sits beside him, shoulders pressed together. 

 

“Just couldn’t find my sweats, is all.” 

 

Roman raises an eyebrow, “Okay, and now give me the real reason.” 

 

It takes a long moment before Dean sighs frustratedly and flops backwards on the bed. “Okay, I’m pissed off.” 

 

“Gathered, what at?” Dean rolls over onto his stomach and shuffles himself up the bed so he can bury his face into his pillow. 

 

“You.” Comes the muffled reply. A pang of hurt hits Roman right in the chest and he stops breathing for a second. He’s pissed Dean off? He’s, he’s never pissed him off so much that he’s been  _ nice  _ to him about it. When Dean’s pissed at him, they’ll have a scuffle, to get the anger out, Dean never keeps it to himself and neither does Roman, that’s just the way they are. 

 

“Me? I, what have I done?” 

 

Dean doesn’t answer him, instead waves his hand towards the door - what Dean thinks is the door, he can’t actually see it - and mumbles, “It doesn’t matter, just go shower or whatever.” 

 

“Dean if I’ve done something to hurt you, you gotta’ tell me man.” Dean rolls over so that he’s laying on his back and he looks at Roman in a weird way. He looks sad, but not the type of sad he gets at the end of Titanic, the kind of sad that he used to get when people at school would tell him Roman wasn’t his real brother and Dean would get so annoyed that he began to cry. 

 

“Can we just forget about it, Rome? I’m just, it’s not important. I’ll be fine in the morning.” 

 

“No we can’t forget about it Dean, I’m not leaving this room until you tell me what I’ve done to piss you off, I’ll sit here all night if I--” Roman doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, because hands cup his face and lips smash onto his own. It takes a second for Roman to understand, to realise that  _ Dean is kissing him and he’s kissing back.  _ Every other part of his body other than his lips are paralysed and the world around him is spinning at a hundred miles an hour. 

 

Dean shifts his hand to twist it in Roman’s hair and the gentle tug brings Roman’s brain back into the loop.  _ Dean is kissing him. He’s kissing his brother. What the fuck is going on?  _

 

Pushing his brother away from him Roman sees the regret immediately wash over Dean’s face. Fuck. Without letting him speak, Roman stumbles towards the door and somehow gets to his own room without falling over or collapsing. 

 

His heart is racing, pounding inside his chest and his lips are tingling from the memory of Dean’s against them.  _ Dean kissed him.  _ His  _ brother  _ kissed him. For a long moment, Roman stands against his door, waiting for something. He’s not sure what, Dean to come and tell him what the hell just happened? That it was an accident, a mistake and that he’s still pissed at him? But nothing happens and Roman stands thinking about the softness of Dean’s lips for far longer than he should. 

 

Since admitting to himself the feelings he has for his brother, Roman’s thought about what it would be like to kiss Dean quite a lot. But nothing he’d thought about prepared him for that. Dean’s lips were softer than anyone he’d ever kissed before and it made his brain short circuit in the best possible way. It makes Roman want to swing his door open, stride back into Dean’s room and kiss him until he's unable to breathe. But he can't, the regret he'd seen written all over Dean’s face the moment he pushed him away tells him that the kiss probably wasn't Dean’s intention and now he's in his room slapping himself for being so stupid. 

 

When Roman finally moves, his whole body aches from being tensed for so long. He decides to skip showering and leave it until morning, he can't stand to be awake anymore, and rids himself of his clothes before collapsing onto his bed. His head feels like it's setting the land speed record it's moving so fast and no matter how hard he tries, getting it to shut off is damn near impossible. All he can think about is how Dean would feel tucked beside him, skin to skin and sharing kisses much like the one on constant repeat in his head. 

 

Roman doesn’t shut off, at all, despite how much he tries to think about anything other than Dean - he even tries to count sheep, it was his last resort - and he’s still awake when the sun slowly starts to creep up hours later. He vaguely wonders, with aching eyes and sore limbs, whether Dean had to endure the same kind of night he did. What does he do now? It’s Saturday, they should be going running as they do every Saturday morning but how do they move on from this? 

 

Roman lays in his bed for a long time, watching the time slowly go by on the clock on his bedside cabinet, slowly watches the time creep past eleven am and comes to the decision that Dean isn’t going to come knocking on his door anytime soon. But then again, neither has Roman. He wants too, he wants to knock on his brother’s door and find out what the hell happened last night, get back on the same page hopefully. But Roman can’t will himself to move, how is he meant to say anything to him, what does he say? “You kissed me last night which I’ve been wanting to do for a while but I saw the regret on your face so lets just forget about it and you can go back to Seth and I can go back to pining over you like a fool.”  _ Seth.  _ Has Dean ever kissed Seth? 

 

As soon as that thought enters Roman wills it away, he does not need that little shit ruining something that is already possibly extremely ruined. The time soon creeps past midday and Roman can’t stand it anymore and shoves the paper he’s been trying to concentrate on for the past hour to the end of his bed. He makes a cautious dash past Dean’s room, trying to avert his eyes from looking through the crack in the door to see if he was on there or not. 

 

Their mom is in the kitchen standing at the stove, an array of vegetables and spices spread out across the counter, it smells wonderful. 

 

His mom looks him up and down, noticing that he’s in his bed clothes and frowns, “Roman honey, have you been here all morning?” 

 

“Yeah, did you not know?” 

 

She shakes her head, “I thought I heard you leave. Is Dean still upstairs?” 

 

Roman shrugs, “I don’t know, I’ve been doing some papers for school.” 

 

His mother frowns again, “Go and check on him, will you dear? I’d like the both of you to help me prepare for tonight, your dad is busy working on that heap of junk in the garage.” There’s no heat in her voice, but Roman can tell there’s some contempt in her soft eyes and he wonders just how much time his dad spends talking about cars and motorcycles when he and Dean are not around. 

 

“Uh sure, I’ll go get him.” He supposes he couldn’t avoid Dean forever, he was going to have to see him tonight anyway, better sooner that later he tries to tell himself making the slow ascent back up the stairs. 

 

Roman gives a tentative knock to Dean’s door and pushes it open when he gets no response. Dean is lying on his side facing the window, dressed in the same clothes as he was when Roman left him last night. Maybe he  _ did  _ have the same type of night that Roman had. 

 

“Dean, you awake?” Roman watches the way Dean’s body tenses slightly, his shoulders hunching in on himself. 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“Mom wants our help, you coming down?” Dean slowly turns over and Roman can see the redness around his eyes. 

 

“Sure, give me five minutes.” Roman gives him a slight nod and backs away from the door, his heart hammering in his chest. That wasn’t difficult, but he wasn’t expecting to see Dean’s red rimmed eyes. On his way back down stairs he hears Dean crashing around in his room again, this time he doesn’t interfere, just lets Dean get whatever is going on inside his head out and joins his mom in the kitchen. 

  
  


xXx

  
  


“Dean, Roman get your heads in the game, what is wrong with you? You forgot how to play football or something?” Jey throws the ball towards Dean who misses the catch entirely and scowls while picking it up from by his feet. 

 

“We’re in our back garden, Jey, not Levi’s stadium, chill out.” 

 

“That’s never stopped you from trying to beat my ass into the ground before.” 

 

“Yeah well,” Dean grumbles throwing the ball to Jimmy, “M’ not really feeling it.” 

 

“And Roman,” Jey ignores Dean and strides over to Roman and snatching the ball from Jimmy only to shove it into Roman’s hands. “Mr I’m-going-to-Georgia-Tech. Play like I know you can play.” 

 

“Who says I’m going to Georgia Tech?” His cousins have their eyes on him and somewhere in the background he can feel his dad looking at him too.

 

“Just about every member of the family, they believe in you Ro.” Tamina, who surprisingly made it back again, cuts in. 

 

“Yeah well,” Roman mirrors Dean from a moment ago, “I’ve got a long way to go.” 

 

Roman spends dinner trying to avoid any mentions of school, the sympathetic looks that Tamina is shooting him every five minutes and trying not to stare at his brother throughout the whole thing. He’s not sure whether his family can feel the tension - Tamina knows, she’s the smart one - between them, but if they do they don’t mention it. 

 

“You and Dean have barely spoken all evening, has something happened?” Tamina finally asks him when they’re clearing up the kitchen. Roman could tell her about the kiss, she was the first person he told about his feelings, but, no matter how much he can trust her, it’s something he just has to keep to himself right now.

 

“No, we’re good. Just both beat, I guess.” Tamina studies him, folding the hand towel slowly and stepping closer to him. 

 

“What about what you told me a month or so ago, have you said anything?” 

 

“No,” Roman shakes his head and puts a smile on his face. “I’m pushing it to the back, it’s for the best.”  _ I’m totally not pushing it to the back, it’s getting worse and now we’ve kissed and I’m freaking out. He’s freaking out.  _

 

“Is it really for the best though, Ro? Pushing something like that away, especially with the stress of school on top, it’s a lot to deal with at once.” 

 

_ You got that right.  _ “I’m fine, ‘Mina. I’m coping.”  _ I’m really not.  _ She squeezes his shoulder, admitting defeat and goes back to join the others outside. It gives Roman a few moments of alone time to collect himself. He’s tired as hell, not sleeping last night has finally caught up with him and all he wants to do is curl up in his bed and forget the last two days. It’s not an option, though, his mom will kill him if he asks to be excused to sleep when it appeared that he’d been asleep all morning. Instead, Roman takes a deep breath, rubs at his tired eyes before grabbing another pitcher of his mom’s homemade punch and taking it into the garden. 

 

“Ah Roman,” His uncle booms when he sits down, “Your mother’s just been telling me that you’ve been spending a lot of time with one of the Bella twins, are we going to be introduced to her anytime soon? Her family are lovely folks.” Roman takes a sip from his drink and avoids Dean’s gaze, which is like a puppy when you accidently kick it or something. 

 

“Uh, no, Nikki and I are just friends, we’re study partners if anything.” It’s not a total lie, but it’s better than telling his uncle that Nikki is basically his beard girlfriend helping to cover up his feelings towards his brother. 

 

“But you’re taking her to prom, correct?” Roman’s mouth drops open a little, completely baffled by how he could know that already. 

 

“Well I might be but how would anyone know about that?” 

 

“I’m afraid I’m the guilty one, Roman. Dean told me and I got excited, Nikki is a lovely girl.” Does he live in a family of gossips or something, do they really have to discuss his personal life so openly? 

 

“Well yeah, it’s only if she doesn’t find another suitable date.” 

 

“Roman, Miss Bella is part of an extremely well to do family, I wouldn’t let her slip through your fingers.” His uncle presses. It is true, anyone who's anyone knows who the Bella family are, but Roman knows Nikki and Brie for Nikki and Brie and their wealth and social status mean nothing to him.

 

“And the boy the other Miss Bella has associated herself with, I heard he was a lumberjack, not entirely suited to that way of life.” Roman never realised his family were such elitist and he tries to keep the scowl from his face and the annoyance from his tone. 

 

“I’ve heard their mom really likes Daniel, it can’t really matter that much.” 

 

“That’s because she’s only eighteen, they’re letting her do what she wants for now, but when it comes to the age she should marry, they’ll let her know what they think of him, lad.” There’s a lot Roman could say to that, but he decides against it. There’s no point starting an argument, it’s not the way his mother raised him and his father would kill him for speaking out against his uncle. But it shows some light on why his dad is the way he is, it obviously runs in his family. Still doesn’t excuse their thoughts but it at least gives a reason. 

 

Topic changes then to something that Roman isn’t interested in and so he tunes them out, resting his head against his chair and watching the sun go down before his family finally leave. Tamina gives him an extra hard squeeze as she leaves and he’s grateful. 

 

“Ro, honey, I’m sorry for blabbing to your uncle about Nikki, I didn’t think--” 

 

“Don’t worry about it mom, it’s just that we’re not together so, I don’t want people to get the wrong idea.” 

 

“You deserve to be happy Roman.” 

 

“I know, ma. Do you need anymore help?” She shakes her head.

 

“I’m gonna’ head to bed. Love you.” His mom reaches on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. 

 

“Love you too dear, sleep well.”  

 

Roman jogs up the stairs, eager to shower and then jump into bed and catch up on all the sleep he missed last night.  _ Hopefully.  _

  
  


xXx

  
  


Roman does find sleep, and he wakes up early the next morning feeling better than he did the day before. He spends most of it writing papers and studying for the biology test he has next week, but helps his mom cook dinner in the evening too. He doesn’t see Dean all day, and at some point his mom makes a comment that maybe he’s coming down with something, Roman agrees with her despite everything. After dinner Roman clears away the dishes before excusing himself and heading to his room. He’s just stepping out of the bathroom when Dean appears, seemingly from nowhere and pushes him back inside, kicking the door closed behind him. 

 

It’s all a blur, really, but Dean’s lips are on his in an instant, pushing him back up against the wall and holding him in place. 

 

“Please don’t push me away again, please, you can’t put me through that again.” Dean mumbles against his lips, hands tangling in the hair at the nape of Roman’s neck. This time, Roman doesn’t. Kissing Dean feels too good to stop so instead of pushing him away again, Roman melts into it, let’s his hands settle on Dean’s slim waist and relaxes against the cool tiles of the wall. Roman’s only got a towel around his waist so this should be  _ weird  _ but all Roman can really think about is how Dean slots against him and the softness of his lips and how his fingers play with the hair at his neck. 

 

Dean kisses him until there’s no air left in their lungs and they’re panting against each others mouths. It’s wonderful and confusing at the same time, wonderful that Dean is here, pressed up against him with red, swollen lips but confusing because  _ what the hell is going on.  _

 

“Dean, what--” 

 

“Sh,” Dean silences him with another quick press of their lips. “I don’t know, Rome. I don’t know.” 

 

Roman concedes, he can understand. “Are you still pissed at me?” He says, because it’s all he can think of. 

 

Dean shakes his head. “No, not anymore.” 

 

“What did I do, exactly?” 

 

“Nothing major, s’just having a bad day, I didn’t mean to be such a brat.” Dean kisses him again, slower this time, his hand cupping Roman’s cheek. 

 

“Sleep in my room tonight, please?” Roman can’t say no, not when Dean’s looking at him the way he is and when there’s chance to be able to kiss him again and definitely not when he’s got everything he wants in the palm of his hands. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's update time again! Thank you all again for leaving me such wonderful comments and kudos, it really does make me smile and I love talking with you about your ideas of whats going to happen, so keep them coming! As usual don't forget to check out the playlist and come talk to me at my tumblr, psychrollins! Enjoy :-)

The euphoria of the kiss wore off around midnight, when Roman woke from a peaceful slumber to Dean clutching him tightly and he realised what was really happening, that he was in bed with his brother after  _ kissing  _ him. And perhaps it was the wrong thing to do, but when the sun rose Roman crept out of Dean’s bed, got himself ready for school and left early so he could spend some time in the library before school. It hurt like hell, leaving Dean sleeping so peacefully and looking like he did, but the whole thing was sitting heavy on Roman’s shoulders and he needed to get away for a little while, at least to clear his head before it got even more clogged with shit from school. 

 

It’s now second period, and Dean hasn’t called or texted him and Roman’s constantly checking his phone but never sending any messages himself. What can he say?  _ Sorry that I left you in bed without a word, bro, we kissed again and now I’m freaking out. Again.  _ Is Dean freaking out again? Probably, but Roman doesn’t know how to deal with that, because Dean kissed  _ him  _ and invited  _ him  _ into his bed when they’re  _ brothers.  _ For months now Roman has been having these weird, totally overwhelming feelings towards his brother and now that something is being done about them, it’s all too much for him to cope with. 

 

When Roman does get a text, it’s from Nikki, asking him to go prom dress shopping with her after school. It’s not his idea of fun, but he’s got a lot of shit he needs to get off his chest and he can’t think of any better time than when he can sit down and tell Nikki she looks beautiful in between, so he agrees. 

 

“Roman, well done on last week's test, you’re doing much better. Lets repeat this next week, yes?” Mrs Miller sets his test paper down in front of him with a smile on her face before moving onto the the people behind him. He’s finally managing to get the grades and it makes a warm feeling swell inside him. 

 

“Yo Reigns, you giving it to her or something?” Roman swivels in his chair to face the voice from behind him. Enzo Amore is the joker of the class who is even worse than Roman at biology. 

 

“Excuse me?” 

 

“You know, she getting it from you or what?” He makes a thrusting motion with his hips enthusiastically and Roman just raises an eyebrow. “Dude, last time I heard you were scoring just above me and now you’re top of the class, come on, you’ve got to be banging her.” 

 

It’s disgusting and amusing at the same time, “No, Enzo, I’m not  _ banging _ her. I’m studying, maybe you should try it, it actually works.” He’s glad that Mrs Miller is over the other side of the room and not hearing any of this conversation. 

 

“Nah, I’d much rather bang her. But congrats though,” Enzo says, shoving everything in his bag without a care, “On leveling up. Bada boom, realest guy in the room.” Roman watches Enzo waltz out of the room, crazy hair and leopard print jacket almost leaving a visible trail of  _ cool  _ in their wake. He shakes his head, completely confused by that encounter and packs his own stuff away. He’s the last one out, as always, and he weaves his way through the crowded halls. It really does help being a tall motherfucker and being on the football team, people tend to move out of the way for you. 

 

When he gets to his locker, Brie is waiting for him. 

 

“Hey Brie, what’s up.” 

 

“Do you have a few moments, I’d like to talk to you about something.” 

 

Roman makes a face as she shoves his books into his locker. “What have I done?” 

 

Brie laughs and shoves his arm playfully, “Nothing doofus, it’s actually about Nikki.” 

 

“What can I do?” 

 

“Has she said anything to you about Daniel? Like whether she likes him or not?” She has, in fact, but Roman’s not sure he should tell Brie that, if Nikki hasn’t told her already then she probably doesn’t want Roman to, either. 

 

“Not really, she doesn’t mention him a lot, why?” 

 

“Because she’s been really distant from me since I started dating him, and sometimes he’ll try and joke with her but she’ll just walk away.” 

 

“Maybe it’s just hard for her, you know, adjusting to her twin not being around so much.” 

 

Brie gives a smile, “I guess you’re right, thanks Ro. I better get to class, catch you later, Ro.” Brie hugs him before shimmying away into the crowd. 

  
  


xXx

  
  


“What about this one?” Nikki steps out of the changing room in a long red gown with those sparkly things showering down the sides to the floor. She looks beautiful, as she has in the past dozen she’s tried on, and Roman doesn’t know how he’s going to help her decide on just one. 

 

“It’s beautiful, Nik, just like all the others. But I do like the sparkly bits on this one.” Nikki rolls her eyes at him and heads back into the changing room to try on another one. 

 

“So what was this important thing we needed to discuss?” 

 

Roman has been trying to pluck up the courage to tell Nikki what happened since they went to the first shop, that was three shops ago and now Nikki is clearly getting impatient. 

 

“Yeah, it’s uh, it’s Dean.” 

 

“What about Dean?” 

“He kissed me, yesterday. And the day before.” His mom always did tell him to rip the plaster off quickly. The curtain Nikki is behind is ripped open, her face stuck in a shocked expression, the zipper on her dress midway down. 

 

“He  _ what? _ ” Roman buries his face into his hands and groans. 

 

“He kissed me Nikki, twice, and now I’m freaking out because I don’t know what it means.” Nikki shuffles to him, hitching the dress up so she doesn’t step on it or trip and sits down next to him and puts a comforting hand on his knee. 

 

“It means he likes you, doofus.” 

 

“He’s my  _ brother  _ Nikki, no matter how much I like him and how much he likes me, this is  _ weird. _ ” 

 

“I know it’s confusing, Rome, but some things just are and you have to go with it. What did he say, when you kissed?” 

 

Roman shrugs, “He said he didn’t know, and then asked me to sleep in his room,” then he cringes because he knows what's coming next. “And I haven't spoken to him since because I left early this morning.” He says in a rush. The slap to his leg comes as expected. 

 

“Roman! What the hell? You get the one fucking thing you want and you left him in bed?” 

 

“I couldn’t face it Nik, I didn’t want him to wake up and him tell me it was all a big mistake. My heart couldn’t take that.” 

 

Nikki’s face softens and she offers him a sympathetic smile, “Once may have been a mistake, Ro, but not twice. Twice is on purpose.” Roman knows that she has a point, but it doesn’t do anything to ease the whizzing of his brain. 

 

“Mistake or not, what am I meant to do now? If he likes me, what do I do? There’s, people won’t be cool with that Nik.”

 

“Fuck what people think!” Nikki says, a little too loudly before apologising to the store attendant. “My sister is dating a lumberjack who wears bootcut jeans with a beard and sometimes sports a top knot and do you think she cares? No, because she loves him, she doesn’t care that my uncle is practically trying to force her to marry a guy from his church, she loves Daniel and nothing will split them up.”

 

“I mean yeah, but Daniel isn’t her brother. There’s still, shit to deal with, but at least he’s not her brother.” 

 

“Same principal, Rome,” Nikki squeezes his knee and heads back into the changing cubicle to try another dress. She’s not gone a minute before she’s popping her head back around the curtain again. “Oh and Rome, Dean doesn’t  _ have  _ to be your brother, if you really think about it.”  

 

Nikki doesn’t choose a dress from that store and they end up going to a couple more before they end up at one which has a dress that Nikki falls in love with. It’s not something Roman would have pegged her to pick, but she looks breathtaking in it and it quite possibly renders everyone in the store speechless, he was even lost for words when she stepped from behind the curtain. The dress is a dark navy blue, a high round neck, skin tight, full sleeved dress. Simple and pretty plain other than the shower of diamonds that rain down the length of the dress until they all pool at the bottom. Roman’s not sure whether it's that or whether it’s just Nikki that makes the dress so beautiful, but either way, it has the store attendant patting him on the shoulder and grinning at him. 

 

“You’re a real lucky man, sir.” The guy must be no older than he and Nikki, and he’d looked about as bored as anything until Nikki had tried on that dress. Roman doesn’t try to complicate things by telling him that Nikki isn’t his girlfriend and just smiles. 

 

“I sure am.” The female attendant measures Nikki up before putting the dress on order and ringing it through. 

 

“You know you’re going to have to get a navy tux to match, right?” Nikki grins at him as they’re standing at the cash register. 

 

“I guessed as much, s’good thing that I look damn good in navy, really.” 

 

“You’d look good in any colour, Rome, even lime green.” Roman grimaces at the thought of wearing a lime green tux. 

 

“Yeah, I doubt that, Nik. Let’s just be glad you didn’t go for a lime green dress because then I would think about letting you down.” Nikki pulls a face at him and pushes him towards the exit. 

 

Roman walks Nikki home and tries to ignore the swirling of his stomach the whole way there. The shopping has been - for the most part - a nice distraction from what he was going to say to Dean when he gets home. He hasn’t seen him all day, thanks to their differing time tables, and he and Nikki have been shopping for hours, so it’s pretty clear he’s put it off for long enough, now. Well, maybe he could hide out in his room all night and pray that no one tries to talk to him at all. 

 

“Thanks for coming shopping with me, Ro,” Nikki says to him once they get to her house. “Sure you don’t wanna’ stay for dinner? My mom’s probably made more than enough.” 

 

Roman pulls her into a hug and kisses her forehead. “That sounds more than inviting, but I’ve got to get back and face the music at sometime, or you know, I’d probably never leave your house just to try and avoid my life that little bit longer.” 

 

“You’re welcome anytime Roman, don’t forget that, okay? Just text me if anything serious happens.” Roman promises to do so and leaves before Kathy gets the chance to appear and drag him inside.  

 

For the rest of the short journey home, Roman constantly checks his pockets and his bag for anything that he could have possibly left behind somewhere and need to go back for, anything to prolong the inevitable. But he has no excuse and so when he puts his key in the door, he mentally prepares himself for whatever happens. 

 

Once again, his father is in the garage working on his latest pet project while his mother is busying herself in the kitchen. 

 

“Hey mom, where is everyone?” He’s only asking to find out where Dean is, but he fiends curiosity for his father, too. 

 

“Your dad is in the garage and your brother is up in his room, has been for hours now. I’ve kept you something to eat, want me to warm it up for you, love?” 

 

“Please, ma.” 

 

“How was shopping?” She asks while she prepares his food. 

 

“Well Nikki had fun, I think, she finally decided on a dress after like, a gazillion years.” Roman explains and his mom smiles. He tells her about the dress while he eats and gives her the news about his latest biology test while he helps her clear up. 

 

“I’m proud of you, Roman. And so is your father for all intent and purpose, don’t forget that.”

 

“Love you mom.” 

 

“Love you too, sweetie.” 

 

Roman finally heads up to his room after hanging around in the kitchen as long he can, he can’t put off his homework any longer and he really needs to shower. It takes him all of thirty seconds to climb the stairs and get into his room without being seen. He’s making it worse than it probably is, but he can’t bring himself to do anything other than avoid Dean, he’s never been very good at voicing his emotions. 

 

He manages to finish his homework and have a shower all without running into Dean. His mistake, though, is when he goes downstairs to grab a drink before he heads to bed because when he gets back, Dean is sitting on his bed. 

 

“Uh, hey, Deano.” 

 

“You left me this morning.” Straight to the point, then. Roman sets his drink down on his desk and sits down awkwardly next to Dean. 

“I uh, yeah I didn’t too I just, freaked out, I guess.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

“Why? Dean come on, what happened was, you know, it shouldn’t have happened.” Roman immediately regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth, not only because of what Nikki said but also because of the way Dean looks at him, the kicked puppy look spread across his face. 

 

“You didn’t want it, then?” 

 

“No no, I mean, yes, I did want it but, I was confused and shocked and --” 

 

“So you avoided me all day?” 

 

Roman swallows and tries to push the lump that has formed back into his stomach. “I wasn't, avoiding you, I just got busy. I had classes and then I went out with Nikki --” 

 

“Can we just, not talk or think about Nikki for like, five minutes please?” Dean turns to him, crawling into his lap. 

 

“I know that it’s confusing Ro, I know. But I, I miss you and I want this, this stupid awkwardness between us to go away. I like you Roman. I  _ like  _ you and I know I shouldn’t but I can’t, I can’t not tell you anymore. And you can’t tell me you don’t feel the same, you can’t, not after last night.” Dean threads his hands around Roman’s neck and pulls him closer, his fingers playing with the loose hair at the back of his neck. This is it, isn’t it? This is everything he’s wanted for the past year or so, literally sitting in his lap and saying everything he wants to hear. So why is this putting him on edge, why is the warm, fluttery feeling in his heart accompanied by a sick swirl of dread in his stomach?  _ Your boy may look like an angel, but he will lace your lemonade and set you on a path of destruction.  _

 

Dean’s his brother, he wouldn’t hurt him, right? He’d never do that,  _ she’s not real. She’s lying.  _ Roman swallows again before tipping his head forward and pressing his lips tentatively against Dean’s. 

 

“I didn’t want to leave you this morning, I’m sorry.” Roman mumbles, pressing his forehead against Dean’s. 

 

“I get it, just don’t, don’t do it again, okay? I can’t deal with that, can’t deal with you leaving me for  _ her. _ ” Dean kisses him before he can reply, hard on the mouth with a vice like grip on the back of his head. It knocks the air out of Roman’s lungs, makes his head spin and his heart race. He’s kissing Dean, he’s got Dean in his arms and this is good, this is right. Dean’s his, there’s nothing between them, no Seth--. 

 

_ Seth.  _ The thought barrels into his brain like a speeding truck and sucks the life out of him.  _ Seth.  _

Roman pulls away from Dean, panting slightly, “What about S--” 

 

Dean shushes him, doesn’t allow him to finish just kisses him again, multiple times before pushing him down onto the bed. “Stop over thinking things, stop it, stop thinking Roman. Stop thinking and just, just relax.” Dean pulls the covers over them and slots himself against Roman. 

 

“Do I gotta’ handcuff you to the bed? You’re not gonna’ leave me in the morning, right?” 

 

Roman gives him a look, “You’re into that?” 

 

“Fuck off.” 

 

Roman presses a kiss into Dean’s curls. “No, I won’t leave you.” 

 

“Promise?” 

 

“Promise.” 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we get into my usual spiel, I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who is reading this and leaving wonderful feedback for me every week, I had no idea this fic would get such a lovely response and it's honestly made and is still making me so happy, so thank you! So this is a little bit of a filler, I decided I needed to add it in before the next chapter so I hope you enjoy it! Also, the song for this chapter is Secret Love Song by Little Mix and Jason Derulo. I'm going to put it into the playlist because I wrote this entire chapter listening to that chapter and I kinda made myself sad. Ooops. So give it a listen, it is totally Dean and Roman. Hope you've had or are having a wonderful day and don't forget to drop a comment and tell me what you think!

It’s strange, really, how quickly all of Roman’s worries about this  _ thing  _ with Dean are forgotten when they’re together. Everything that has been playing on Roman’s mind for the last couple of months, none of it seems to matter when Dean gives him that smile across the dinner table and kicks his leg, Roman’s previous fears aren’t important when, after school, Dearn barges in his room and pushes him onto the bed and kisses all of the air out of his lungs. 

 

Roman can’t describe it, the effect that Dean has on him. It’s like Dean’s mellowness, his laidback attitude is infectious. If it doesn’t matter to Dean, then it doesn’t matter to Roman and it’s pretty much as simple as that. Everything that had been weighing heavy on Roman suddenly seemed lighter with the knowledge that at home, in the darkness of their rooms, Dean would be right there to smooth the stresses and strains of the day away. It didn’t mean that Roman had anything less to deal with, school and his father were still heavy loads seemingly crushing his shoulders, but Dean somehow made it feel like he’d got broader shoulders and the load was spreading out, just a little bit. 

 

They don’t talk about it, really. Roman thinks they should,  _ knows  _ they should, but he can’t find an opportunity to ask Dean how they’ll ever explain this to anyone, what even  _ is  _ this? Dean never brings it up, never hints at wanting to talk about what’s going on around them, only ever focused on just the two of them. He supposes he should be happy, ecstatic, over the moon to finally have this, to have Dean’s undivided love in every other way than brother, but he’s still scared, still worried and he doesn’t know why. 

 

His mind is quiet when they’re together, filled with a sweet sounding soft static that is so  _ Dean  _ he’d probably be able to write it out, note for note. But it’s when Roman’s alone that the worries, the doubts start to come back. 

 

_ What are we doing?  _ He can’t push them away, not when they’ve crept up on him (and they’re only extinguished when he see’s that smile, feels those lips somewhere on his skin) It starts off small, a small doubt that could be put to sleep by just thinking rationally but they spiral like a helta-skelta into thoughts so loud Roman has to crank up his headphones to try and drown them out. 

 

_ What will people think, if they found out?  _ They don’t tell anyone, not really. Roman tells Nikki, but he’s sure Dean doesn’t tell a soul. It’s best, for now, he’s not sure how anyone would react to finding out that the Reigns’ brothers were a thing. Not everyone can be as understanding and supportive of Nikki, though Roman wishes they were. They keep their affections for when they’re safely tucked away in one of their rooms, long after their parents have turned in for the night. It’s not as though their relationship is completely bound by the dark, Dean will sometimes send him texts in the middle of the day that make his heart flutter just a little, but for the majority of the time, it is. 

 

_ What about Seth?  _ Somehow everything always leads to this one thought. No matter where he is or what he’s doing, Seth makes the unwelcome appearance in his head and forces itself to think about it. He’s not asked Dean about him, not since he was going to the night Dean told him how he felt. He hasn’t got the courage, to scared that he’ll get answer he won’t like. Seth’s still Seth and nothing changes, which, Roman doesn’t expect it too seeing as technically everyone still thinks that Dean is single, but it still makes the jealousy surge inside him when he sees Seth thrown an arm around him unnecessarily or when he looks at him like he’s the earth, moon and stars. Which he is, but still. He doesn’t say anything, just fumes silently, the same way Dean fumes (not so silently) when Nikki is around. 

 

And so that’s how they progress, spending the nights in each other’s arms and the days pretending that they’re still just brothers. Roman’s ever increasing insecurities, in the end, always stop him from asking Dean about the things he really needs to ask and Dean never brings them up either, so his biggest fears stay bottled up deep down inside of him and the raging fire inside his head is only ever smothered by his brothers lips pressed against his own. 

  
  


xXx

  
  


Roman’s roused slowly from his sleep by something tickling the underside of his jaw. He blinks slowly, letting his eyes adjust to the sun streaming through his blinds and his brain register that Dean’s pressing kisses to his neck. It still makes his heart jump, waking up beside Dean, like it can’t believe that he’s finally got what he wants. 

 

“Mornin’ sleepyhead.” Dean mumbles, voice gravelly and thick with sleep. Roman stretches a little, making an involuntary noise as he does so. 

 

“What time is it?” 

 

“Five-thirty.” 

 

“And you thought that it was cool to wake me up, already?” 

 

“Well you stole the covers and stopped holding me, so yes, yes I did.” 

 

Roman rolls his eyes, throwing the covers back over Dean along with his arms to pull him into his chest, he presses his face into Dean’s neck and kisses it before shutting his eyes. 

 

“You’re such a child sometimes, let me sleep until the alarm you heathen.” Dean huffs but snuggles himself into Roman anyway. Roman instantly falls back into sleep, his constant tiredness and Dean’s comforting presence making it all too easy for him to fall under. 

 

He doesn’t wake again until the alarm goes off, the sound loud, shrill and unwelcome. There’s nothing more Roman would like than to forget the alarm and stay in bed with Dean all day. Dean makes him forget about all of his worries and right now, he could use a day where he doesn’t have to think of any of them. 

 

When he feels Dean wriggling out of his grasp he pulls him back into him and grumbles. 

 

“Dean, stay here.” 

 

Dean doesn’t resist, really, just falls back into bed and turns to face Roman. 

 

“Ro, if we don’t get up now we’re going to be late, you won’t have time to do that stupidly perfect hair of yours.” 

 

“You love my perfect hair, which is, by the way, not stupid.” 

 

“I do, but you still have to get up, c’mon.” Dean does actually get out of the bed this time and Roman feels his absence way more than he should. He forces himself to open his eyes and watches as Dean plods around his bedroom pulling on some of Roman’s clothes that he finds on the floor. 

 

“Quit being a pervert and get up, Rome.” 

 

“I don’t wanna’ go.” Roman whines, throwing the covers away from him in dramatic fashion, he doesn’t move to get out of bed though. 

 

Dean throws some clothes at him, the sweatpants getting him right in the face. “Get up now, Roman.” 

 

Roman grumbles, “Yes, sir.” 

 

“Someone harbouring a kink?” 

 

“Shut up.” Roman is about to head downstairs to make breakfast while Dean showers when Dean grabs his wrist and pulls him back in and leans up to kiss him. It’s slow and soft but it sets every part of him alive. 

 

“You have really bad morning breath, Rome.” 

 

“So do you.” 

 

It doesn’t stop Dean from kissing him again, though. It’s nice, it’s  _ more  _ than nice kissing Dean. It’s different each time, different parts of Roman’s body light up, Dean’s hands travel a different path but always end up curled in the front of whatever Roman’s wearing, trying to pull him impossibly close. 

 

“We’re going to be late.” Roman echoes Dean’s words from earlier and Dean scowls at him, though there’s no heat behind it. 

 

“Spoilsport.” Roman kisses Dean’s nose as a consolation before heading out onto the hall, where Dean slaps his ass on his way to the bathroom and winks at him as he disappears behind the door. 

 

Roman rolls his eyes trundling down the stairs. He can hear his parents talking quietly as he makes his way into the kitchen. 

 

“Morning dear.” 

 

“Morning, ma.” His father doesn’t even look up from the newspaper and he tries to ignore the look his mom gives him. 

 

“Honey your dad and I aren’t going to your aunty and uncle’s tonight, will you and Dean be okay making dinner for yourselves?” 

 

Roman pours the milk into his cereal, “Of course mom, we’re not five.” She gives him a look. 

 

“I know sweetie, but do you remember the omelette situation?” 

 

“That was definitely Dean’s fault, he swore blind I didn’t need oil because it was a non stick pan.” 

 

“Just stay away from the eggs, dear, it would be better for us all.” 

  
  


xXx

  
  


School is as usual, boring as hell. The only sweet relief he has is that he has a study period with Nikki and then practice after school  _ and  _ he’ll be home alone with Dean, afterwards. 

 

He and Nikki take their usual seat in the library, right at the back in the corner so that they can actually whisper stuff to each other without being heard or shouted at by the librarian. 

 

“So I forgot to ask a while ago, but, what’s the deal with you and Daniel?” 

 

Nikki looks up from her textbook and sighs. “What do you mean?” 

 

“Brie came to me a while ago, she asked if you’d said anything to me about him. Said you’d been distant with both of them.” 

 

“Yeah well, as much as he loves Brie, he’s a bit of an asshole.”

 

“How so?” 

 

“He makes fun of me, likes to make out that I’m stupid. Everyone just laughs like it’s a big joke, but it hurts, Rome.” Roman puts an arm around Nikki’s shoulder and pulls her into him, pressing a kiss to her temple. 

 

“You’re not stupid, Nik. You’re the smartest person I know and he can make all the jokes he wants, but nothing will change that. Tell him that you don’t appreciate his insinuations, tell Brie, don’t slog it out just because she’s your sister. It might be her boyfriend but that doesn’t give him a free pass to do what he wants.” 

 

“You really think I should tell Brie?” 

 

Roman nods, “And if that still doesn’t work, send him to me, I’ll sort him out.” 

 

“Thanks Ro-” 

 

“You two are the cutest, seriously.” Roman turns to see Seth and Dean - whose glaring at Nikki like she’s holding a dead baby or something - standing beside their table, a pile of textbooks tucked under their arms. 

 

“Uh, thanks, Seth.” Nikki stammers, sliding out of Roman’s arms and looking anywhere other than Dean. 

 

Poor, oblivious Seth launches into a conversation about chemistry homework with Nikki while Dean stares her out and Roman sits in between, eyes awkwardly shifting between the two. She sighs in relief when Dean finally has enough and drags Seth away to study. 

 

“Is he really that jealous?” 

 

“Sort of, he doesn’t like it when I talk about you, just mentioning your name annoys him.” 

 

“Are you the same with Seth?” 

 

“I don’t mention it like Dean does but I am partial to a bit of glaring, I think.” 

 

“I think he hates me.”

 

“I mean probably, but --” Nikki slaps his arm and he almost yelps, but remembers that he’s in the library and needs to be quiet before he does. 

 

He doesn’t see Dean again until they’re in the changing room for practice. Dean’s got the middle peg and Roman takes the one next to him, Randy and John taking the ones next to him. Dean gives him a bright smile, erupting thousands of butterflies in his stomach and makes his heart do a little flip. 

 

Roman wishes he could kiss him, right here, right now. He doesn’t want to have to wait hours until they get home. He doesn’t want to have to think about how he interacts with his brother in front of other people just so that they don’t get the wrong (right) idea about them. He doesn’t want to have to keep his hands to himself, doesn’t want to keep the feelings that are exploding inside of him too himself, but he has to. 

 

Right now Roman wants to slide a hand to the back of Dean’s neck, pull him close and kiss him, like they’d kissed this moments but it's so impossible. He has to make do with lightly punching his brother in the arm. It’s not a kiss and it’s not heartfelt but it’s contact, at least. It’s a  _ hey, you good?  _ in a brotherly way. 

 

“So Roman,” John says, bringing his attention to him, “A little birdie told me you’re taking to prom?” God Roman wishes John hadn’t brought it up in front of Dean. His brothers smile fades and he goes back to glaring as they make their way out onto the field. 

 

“Uh yeah, who told you?” 

 

“Brie, she’s excited, she’s like a hundred percent sure you’re going to be prom king and queen.” 

 

“Yeah well uh, there’s good competition so, tell her not to count her chickens before they hatch.” 

 

“I can’t believe you finally asked her, I thought you’d never do it.” 

 

“It was more of a mutual decision, to be honest.” 

 

“Either way, she’s been waiting for it forever so, I’m glad she finally gets what she wants.” Roman plasters on a fake smile as John pats him on the back. 

 

They spread out on the field, all going to different warm out sections and swapping every five minutes. Afterwards they move onto drills and Coach Helmsley puts him with Randy to work on their tackling skills. Randy hasn’t said a word to him the whole practice and it’s clear by the amount of force he’s putting into each tackle that there’s something on his mind. For as long known him, Randy has been a pretty private person and has always worked on his issues by himself so initially Roman doesn’t pry for information. 

 

He definitely knows something is up when one of Randy’s tackles is particularly hard, knocking the air out of him despite the tackling pad and all his gear and he gets the angle wrong so that their helmets smash into each other, the metal mesh on the front of Roman’s digging into his lip. Coach must hear the impact, or one of them must make a noise because he barrels over to them. 

 

“What happened is everything okay, Roman are you injured, don’t move.” 

 

A quick check of his body indicates no serious injury, he’s just winded and has a split lip. 

 

“Randy, go to the changing rooms, practice is over for you,” Randy sulks away without a word, not even a  _ sorry bro  _ like Roman would have expected from Randy. Coach makes him sit hunched over for a good fifteen, talking him through his breathing until he’s finally able to do it properly and he doesn’t feel like he only has one lung. Dean rushes over to him as soon as practice is over. 

 

“Are you okay? I was upfield I didn’t know what happened.” 

 

“Harsh tackle from Randy,” Roman breathes, still slightly affected, “Just got winded or, the technical term I believe is solar plexus syndrome.” 

 

Dean grins, “Look at you with all your fancy words,” He reaches out his hand to swipe some of the blood that has trickled down Roman’s chin with his thumb. He looks around, making sure they’re out of earshot from the others. “Someone need their boo-boos to be kissed better?” 

 

Roman tries to laugh before wincing when it pulls at his swollen lip. “It certainly would help.” 

 

Dean gently nudges him towards the changing room with a big grin on his face and winks. “C’mon then, I’ll make you feel better when we got home. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING: NSFW** content in this chapter, also you could consider it incest depending on how you feel on that topic so if you don't want to to read that then feel free to skip this!!! also i'm sorry this actually sucks but its been so long since ive written smut and i am hella rusty. song for this chapter is hostage by sia so give that a listen (its not in the playlist, again, i need to update it) also just a quick note to say that updates MAY slow down (depending on how much free time i get) because my exams are getting super close and yeah it's freaking me the hell out !! but thank you all so much for all the wonderful feedback you give me, keep it coming it makes me smile so much!!! if you want to chat my tumblr is psychrollins. enjoy!

Despite telling Dean that he’s okay, really, he’s got his breath back and everything else feels fine, other than his lip, Dean treats him like china. If the locker room weren’t full with their teammates he’s pretty sure he would have helped him change. 

 

Randy doesn’t join them like Roman thought he would, his stuff stays hung on the pegs the whole time, and he and Dean are the last ones out. Dean grumbles about it on the walk home. 

 

“What was he even thinking, anyway? He’s like your second in command, he knows what the hell he’s doing.” 

 

“His head wasn’t in it, hadn’t spoken to me the whole practice.” 

 

“Yeah well, he shouldn’t take his personal shit out on you at practice. He could have really hurt you, Rome.” Dean says as he pushes his key into the door and leads them both inside. 

 

“But he didn’t, did he? Stop fussing, I’m fine.” Dean throws his bag onto the couch - most likely reveling in the fact that their mom isn’t there to tell him off for it - and turns to him with his bottom lip stuck out. 

 

“Look at your pretty face, though. Your lips all busted up and you’re getting a black eye.” Dean gently takes Roman’s face into his hands and studies it, turning it slightly. 

 

“Why don’t you kiss it better?” Smirking, Dean pulls him in and gently presses his lips against Roman’s. It stings slightly, the newly broken skin sensitive, but kissing Dean is worth it. The feel of him pressed up against his body, feeling the soft skin beneath his fingers. It’s risky, kissing like this in the middle of the front room, their mom and dad could walk in at any time for any reason and any one from the neighbourhood could see through the window, but Roman can’t bring it upon him to pull away. 

 

It feels like hours before Dean finally does, a smirk spreading across his face. “Wanna’ go upstairs?” Roman lets himself be led upstairs and Goddamn does he feel like he’s fifteen and again, being led up to someone’s room for privacy, even though this is his own damn house. Still, it makes the butterflies create a storm inside him, his whole body tingling and the hand that Dean’s got on his wrist is burning hot. 

 

They end up in Roman’s room and he gently pushes Roman down onto his bed, their lips still attached. 

 

“I’m not going to break, you know.” Roman says as Dean hovers over him, their bodies barely touching, it’s driving Roman crazy. 

 

Dean traces the lines of Roman’s face and smiles, “Don’t wanna’ hurt you Rome.” 

 

Grabbing fistfuls of Dean’s shirt, Roman pulls Dean down so there bodies collide. “You’re not, I’m fine. Stop your damn teasing.”

 

“Fine, have it your way.” Dean crashes their lips together, their teeth clacking together, but the feel of Dean’s crotch pressed flush against his blocks out the sting of Dean biting on his bottom lip. His whole body is on fire, breath coming in short laboured breaths. Feels like he just scored a huge touchdown. 

 

Dean’s hands are all over him, smoothing over the planes of his chest and the curve of his belly and grabbing fistfulls of his shirt just to yank it upwards in an attempt to remove it. Roman sits up a little and Dean’s able to get it off in one swift motion and throwing it onto the floor before he removes his own. 

 

In the back of his head Roman knows that he should stop this before it goes too far. Dean is his damn  _ brother,  _ kissing is one thing, but this? This takes it to a whole other level. But he can’t. He can’t get the thought to do anything but sit there, way in the back, refusing to connect with his mouth while Dean grinds down onto him, his hands settling on Roman’s hips. 

 

He goes to pop the button on his Roman’s jeans but falters before he can, and pulls away from Roman. “This okay?” 

 

“More than.” Roman’s own mouth betrays him. He should not have said that, he should of told Dean that they can’t do this, they need to talk about stuff, but instead, he’s lifting his hips off the bed to allow Dean to tug his jeans down his legs. There’s no way he can stop now, not with the way Dean is running his hands up and down Roman’s bare thighs, fingers grazing the waistband of his underwear each time. 

 

Dean manages to get his own jeans off without detaching their lips and gets a hand on the bulge in the front of Roman’s. Any other thought Roman had before is quickly replaced with  _ fuck fuck fuck  _ as a loud moan rolls off his tongue. Dean smirks above him and slowly rubs him through his boxer shorts. 

 

“You like that?” Dean says, all types of confident and cocky that sends shivers through Roman’s body. He manages to choke out something that he thinks is a  _ yes  _ as Dean is slipping his hand underneath the waistband of Roman’s boxers and curling his fingers around Roman’s half-hard cock. Dean strokes him slowly, other hand tugging the underwear down to Roman’s calfs. 

 

Dean works him while slowly kissing down Roman’s body, lavishing particular attention on the soft swell of his tummy. Roman tries to push his head away from his belly, hating the idea of Dean being so focused on something that makes him cringe. He’s always hated his body despite how much time he spends on it. He can’t get it to look like Randy’s does, muscled and well defined as well as being big enough to tackle if coach decides to put him there. Roman’s just big, tall with thick legs and arms and a soft, round belly that has no definition to it whatsoever, he hates it. 

 

“Dean, stop that,” Dean resists his hand and proceeds to gently nip and bite at Roman’s belly. “You know I hate it.” 

 

His brother bites down harder and sucks a harsh purple mark just to the side of Roman’s naval. 

 

“You’re beautiful, Ro. Every inch of you is beautiful.” He kisses down Roman’s body further until he finally flattens his tongue against the underside of Roman’s cock and licks a strip up the swollen head. When Dean takes him into his mouth Roman moans loudly, overwhelmed at the sensation of Dean’s lips stretching around him and taking him down slowly, inch my inch. He’d pictured this, in the shower and in his dreams at night but none of that does this justice, the wet sounds coming from Dean’s mouth as he takes more of Roman’s cock into his mouth and the feeling of Dean’s hand heavy on the base send his body into overdrive. He’s hot as hell, can already feel the sweat sticking his baby hairs to his forehead and there’s an indescribable heat flowing through his body and a churning in his gut. 

 

Roman threads a hand into Dean’s hair, rubbing his messy and slightly damp curls while his other hands curls into the bedsheets to ground himself. Dean’s swirling his tongue in such a way that Roman feels like he’s about to pass out from how good this feels and he tugs Dean’s hair tighter.

 

“Fuck, Dean, you gotta--” Dean takes his mouth off Roman’s cock and grins at him, mouth slightly swollen and covered in spit and precum. He surges forward and kisses Roman forcefully, trapping his already throbbing length in between their bodies and causing a friction that has Roman curling his toes and his hands grabbing onto any part of Dean they can. 

 

“Do you have any stuff?” Dean mumbles against his lips and it takes Roman a moment to comprehend the words, his head is fuzzy and he’s too focused on the fact that Dean is pressed up against him like this. 

 

“Uh yeah, bottom drawer.” His brother presses a kiss to his sweaty forehead before leaning over to Roman’s bedside table and retrieves a condom and some lube. He looks like he’s about to say something but Roman is not talking now, he needs to feel more than he needs to hear. He pulls Dean down and kisses him while he somehow manages to slick up his fingers and press one against his hole. Roman makes a sound that is halfway between a gasp and a moan at the sensation. 

 

“Have you ever?” 

 

Roman swallows and closes his eyes as Dean’s finger smooths over his entrance again, all slick with lube, sending a shiver through him. “No.” 

 

Dean’s free hand cups Roman’s jaw, thumb smoothing over his cheek as he slowly presses his finger into him. It’s uncomfortable and and pleasurable at the same time, more so because Dean is showering Roman’s face with tiny kisses and whispers sweet words of encouragement into his ear as Roman becomes accustomed to the feel of Dean’s finger inside of him. At some point Dean adds a second finger and Roman writhes underneath Dean, bearing down and trying to feel  _ more  _ while Dean just grins at him between kissing him. 

 

When Dean pulls his fingers out Roman whines at the loss of contact but Dean silences him with a kiss and skillfully gets the condom out of the wrapper without stopping the kiss. He rolls it onto himself and slicks up with loud. 

 

“You good, babe?” Dean asks as he lines himself up, his one hand guiding him while the other has hold of Roman’s hip. Roman nods frantically, all concerns long gone and the need to feel Dean inside of him the only thing swirling around in his head. He pushes in agonizingly slow, but Roman is thankful, the intrusion is weird and a little uncomfortable but the soft circles Dean’s thumb is making on his hip make him relax enough to let Dean inch in until he’s buried right to the hilt. He doesn’t move, just lets Roman adjust and breathe. Dean kisses Roman’s throat until Roman is breathing heavily through his nose. 

 

“Move Dean, please.” He kisses Roman as he slowly starts to pull out before pushing back in, building up a slow rhythm which has Roman mewling softly. He feels like he’s on cloud nine, floating way, way above himself as each thrust sends shots of pleasure across his whole body, setting him on fire. 

 

Dean gradually picks up the pace, expletives and Roman’s name spilling from his mouth as Roman’s hands scramble for purchase against the soft skin of his brothers back everytime he hits that spot that makes him cry out with pleasure. There’s a pressure building in his gut and there’s white lights flashing behind his eyes. 

 

“Fuck Dean, I’m so close.” Dean snakes a hand in between them and grips Roman’s leaking cock and stroking him in time with his thrusts. It’s too much and Roman can’t hold back anymore, cumming with a loud moan -  that sounds an awful lot like Dean’s name - all over his belly. Dean follows shortly after, biting into Roman’s shoulder as he spills his load into the condon. He rides out his orgasm with a couple of lazy thrusts, head buried into the crook of Roman’s neck before pulling out and getting rid of the condom and looming over Roman, a grin spread wide on his face. 

 

“How’re you feeling?” 

 

Roman lets out a breathy laugh, “Much better now, thanks.” Dean cups his face and presses a soft, slow kiss to his lips before brushing some of Roman’s sweaty hair away from his face. 

 

“Go and shower and I’ll start making us some dinner.” 

 

“Mom said no eggs.” 

 

Dean rolls his eyes and kisses Roman’s forehead as he pushes himself from the bed. “That was one fucking time.” 

  
  


xXx

  
  


After dinner, the two of them settle down on the couch to watch a movie while they wait for their mom and dad to get back. Dean is stretched out with Roman in between his legs, back pressed against Dean’s chest. 

  
  


Roman desperately wants to ask Dean all sorts of questions, knows he should after what just happened, but his brother is asleep pretty much as soon as the movie starts and he really doesn’t want to wake him nor ruin the atmosphere. Instead, Roman just relaxes back into his brothers hold and watches the movie, enjoying the sound of Dean’s soft snoring. 

 

It physically pains him to move away from Dean when he hears that familiar sound of the key in the door, signalling their parents return. 

 

“Boys, we’re home-- Oh my gosh Roman what happened to your face?” His mother shrieks as she gets into the front room. She makes a beeline for him and takes his face into her hands and scans his face. 

 

“Have you been fighting? I swear to God Roman if you’ve been fighting.” 

 

Roman puts a hand over his mothers on his face, “No ma, I’ve not been fighting. Happened at practice, Randy and I collided weird.” 

 

“He’s telling the truth mom. He got winded too, Randy is an ass-”

 

“You don’t finish that sentence, Dean.” 

 

His dad - who hasn’t said anything yet - looks him up and down, a frown on his face. “You need to be more careful, son, Georgia Tech don’t want injured players.” 

 

“Sika, it wasn’t--” His mom begins but Roman doesn’t let her finish. 

 

“No mom, dad’s right. I’ll be more careful in future.” He squeezes her hand. He knows his is right in a way, Georgia Tech don’t want injured players, but his mom is also right, it wasn’t his fault. There was no way he could have done anything different to avoid Randy’s bad tackle, but his father is obviously in some kind of mood and his mother does not need to be shouted at at his expense. 

 

“Good.” Is all his dad says before disappearing into the kitchen. His mother turns back to him, a sympathetic smile on her face. 

 

“Don’t listen to him sweetheart, it wasn’t his fault, was it Dean?” 

 

“Of course not, mom. It’s Randy who needs to be more careful.” 

 

His mom presses a kiss to his good cheek, “You boys go and get some sleep, it’s late.” She moves to kiss Dean, squeezing him into a hug before she herself disappears. 

 

“Why did you agree with dad, when it wasn’t your fault?” 

 

“It’s easier that way, keeps him off my back.” Dean frowns, and slips his hand into Roman’s. He double checks that they’re alone before leaning up to Roman’s ear. 

 

“Wanna’ go make out?” 

  
Roman grins, “Hell yeah.” 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm updating this a day early because i'll be with my folks tomorrow and won't have the chance to update and i didn't wanna leave it till saturday when i'd already got the chapter done. next weeks chapter will be early too, probably on the wednesday seeing as i go on vacation on the thursday. this is a bit of a filler chapter but there are things to look out for so keep your eyes peeled :))) enjoy!

If looks could kill, Roman would be more than six feet under right now. Nikki is giving him such a stern glare that he has to look away. 

 

“Roman listen to me, I am happy for you, beyond words happy, but you can’t keep dancing around the things you need to talk about, you’ve got enough to deal with as it is.” Once he’d told Nikki about his night with Dean, her excitement dwindled when she asked him whether they were an official  _ thing  _ now, seeing as they’d consummated their relationship. Roman hadn’t been able to answer that, having not brought it up with Dean yet. 

 

“I know, I know. And I do plan on talking to him about it, but it’s never the right time.” 

 

“Sometimes there’ll never be a right time, Roman, you just have to put it out there,” Nikki sighs, linking her arm with his as they make their way over to the lunch table where the others are sitting. 

 

“Listen, I don’t want to be nagging friend, but I don’t want to see you hurt. Talk to him, please?” 

 

“Fine, I’ll talk to him.” Nikki pats his arm as they approach the table, and pulls him down into the seat beside her. Everyone other than Brie - who is most likely having lunch with Daniel somewhere else - is seated at the table, Dean is sitting opposite him with a scowl on his face while Seth, who is next to him, is writing something out of a textbook furiously. 

 

Roman knows that Dean is scowling because he’d been walking arm in arm with Nikki and he can’t help but feel equal parts satisfied and annoyed. It’s nice that Dean gets jealous, makes him feel like the extent of his feelings aren’t totally one sided but he also hates how Dean can get so jealous over something when he’s told him more than once that he doesn’t like Nikki. And how can he sit there scowling, when he does exactly the same thing with Seth? 

 

John’s voice pulls him away from his thoughts. “Seth, you’ve been working on that thing for like, an hour now, you ever going to be done?” 

 

Seth lifts his head, face finally coming into view so that Roman can see the tiredness in his eyes. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days and it takes all of Roman’s strength not to feel sorry for the kid. 

 

“I’m almost done, if you must know.” 

 

“I can’t believe you’ve left it this late, your nerd status is slipping, Sethie.” Nikki sings, biting into an apple. Seth rolls his eyes at her and pretends to laugh. 

 

“Ha ha, very funny. I’ve been busy this week, that’s all.” 

 

“Yeah too busy being fucked b--” A harsh slap to the cheek cuts Randy off mid sentence. 

 

“What the hell was that for?” Randy squeaks, clutching at his reddening cheek. Seth looks pleased with himself, though he’s got his hand cradled into his chest, probably still stinging like a bitch after the impact. 

 

“I did not want you finishing that sentence.” 

 

“What? You don’t want people to know that--”

 

“Randy! Don’t be a fucking asshole, okay?” Dean steps in, cutting his eyes at Randy. If he’s honest with himself, Roman is totally amused and a little intrigued by the whole situation. Randy goes to say something, most likely an assault on Dean this time for sticking up for Seth but Roman decides to put an end to that before it starts. 

 

“Leave him alone Randy, Seth’s not gotta’ tell anyone his private business if he doesn’t want to, let him finish his homework in peace.” Seth flashes him an appreciative smile. 

 

“Oh look, its Roman Reigns, Pensacola High’s resident superman swooping in to save the day. I’m so done with you losers, I’m out.” Randy pushes himself away from the table, the chair making an ear splitting screech as he storms away, pushing past a few kids on his way out. Silence falls around the table before John is whistling. 

 

“Who pissed in his captain crunch this morning?” 

 

“Who pissed in his captain crunch  _ period,  _ he’s been like that for a good week now.” Nikki says, disgust written all over her face. 

 

Roman shrugs and tries to focus on his food but he feels unsettled. Why was Randy being such an asshole lately? He never got a chance to talk to him after their incident in practice and he seemed okay afterwards, he never said sorry, but still, he seemed like his usual self the day after. So why is he acting up now? 

 

The rest of the day passes slowly and it feels like he’s been in school for a million years. But his last period is biology and with his improvements and Mrs Miller being the teacher, it doesn’t fill him with dread anymore. 

 

Miller gives them work sheets and test questions to do while she finishes grading the test papers they did last week to give back to them. Before, Roman would have struggled to even attempt doing this on his own, would have usually needed Cory’s answers he’d swiped from someone else or needed his phone to google shit. But now, now Roman can attempt all of the questions, even if he doesn’t get them right every time. 

 

“Yo Reigns,” Enzo hisses, halfway through the class. “You gotta’ help me with this shit.” 

 

Roman turns to him and smiles in amusement at how frazzled the guy looks. “I thought you said you’d rather bang Miller than study?” 

 

Enzo rolls his eyes dramatically. “I would! But my parents found my report cards and I gotta’ pass a couple of classes if I want to keep my car so, the first option isn’t totally accessible to me right now, she’s married dude.” 

 

Roman sighs, turning his chair around, “Is that like, the only thing stopping you?” 

 

“I ain’t got no other issues.” Roman leaves it at that, Enzo is a great guy but he really doesn’t want to find out the inner workings of his brain and his weird crush on Mrs Miller. He helps the kid with the last couple of questions and shows him a few short cuts to help him out next time he’s stuck. 

 

“Thanks Reign’s you’re the realest guy in the room,” Enzo grins when Mrs Miller dismisses them with their tests. “And you can’t teach that.” Enzo is gone with a wink, leaving Roman to shake his head fondly. Roman heaves his bag over his shoulder, waving goodbye to Mrs Miller before ducking out of the classroom. 

 

He’s almost at his locker when he hears coach Helmsley calling his name. 

 

“Everything okay, coach?” 

 

“Great Roman, great. I just wanted to let you know that I spoke on the phone to some of the big shots at Georgia Tech earlier, as well as a couple of guys from Florida State and Clemson and they’re gonna’ come see Friday’s game, see you play.” 

 

Roman’s mouth opens a little in shock, they’re coming to see him? 

 

“What, like a scout kinda thing?” 

 

Coach nods, “Yeah, kinda. Since you’ve applied to the scholarship programme, I sent over some of your records to a friend of mine at Clemson. I know it’s not Georgia Tech like you want but Clemson have shown interest and once one does the others follow. All you gotta’ do is show up, play like you usually do and I’ll do the rest of the work.” 

 

“Yeah, sure, uh, thanks coach, it means a lot.” 

 

Coach Helmsley claps him on the shoulder with a wide smile on his face. “Don’t mention it kid, you’re going places. Let the others know before tomorrow's practice, will you? I want them prepared, I’m gonna’ put you all through your paces and I don’t want them acting like massive assholes, especially Randy.” 

 

“Will do, coach.” 

 

“Have a good evening, Roman. Keep up the good work.” Coach Helmsley is striding down the busy corridor before he can reply. 

 

He’s still in shock when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He fishes it out as he pushes his way through to his locker and opens up the text from Dean. 

 

**got a thing after school won’t be home for a bit. see you later <3 **

 

Roman taps back a quick okay before shoving his phone back into the pocket of his jeans. He was looking forward to chilling in Dean’s room while they did homework before crashing with him. He tries to push down the jealousy that's swirling around in his gut. It doesn’t take Einstein to figure out that this  _ thing  _ involves Seth somehow. It’s probably another one of those stupid nerd meet ups he and Seth are obsessed with going to. It makes sense, really, since finals are like, a month away, but still. Shouldn’t things be different now? 

 

Of course not, because Roman hasn’t got the balls to ask Dean what the hell is going on here. And yeah, Dean’s allowed to go and do shit by himself, but he’d like more than a vague  _ ive got a thing  _ text when that could mean absolutely anything. 

 

Roman spends his walk home getting the word out to the team about the scouts and can’t help but feel slightly nervous about the whole thing. The game is a week away, plenty of time to get prepared, but hearing this stuff from coach about Clemson, it hits home that in a matter of months, his future is going to be decided. The way he plays on Friday could determine whether Georgia Tech accept him on their scholarship programme or whether he’s going to mess up and disappoint everyone who's ever believed in him. 

 

It doesn’t really feel real. He’s been working so hard to get himself in this position that now there’s a chance, now there’s an opening for him to succeed, it's scaring the crap out of him. It’s all too much happening at once. A few months ago he was failing most of his classes and was helplessly in love with his brother, surer than sure that he would never be loved back. And now, he’s pretty much passing all of his classes and everyday ends with Dean kissing him good night. 

 

_ Persevere and will prevail.  _ That’s what the fortune teller had said, wasn’t it? She’d also said some shit about Dean, angels and lemonade but one out of two isn’t bad. 

 

His mom is in the kitchen preparing dinner when he gets back and she greets him with concerned hands smoothing over his face. 

 

“Those bruises are doing nothing for your handsome face, Roman.” 

 

“You better not have touched any chilli ma because you are dangerously close to my eyes right now and I’m gonna’ need them.” She laughs at him and pinches his uninjured cheek. 

 

“Don’t worry, I haven’t gotten to that part yet,” She resumes her task of chopping vegetables, “How was your day?” 

 

Roman washes his hands and starts to help her, washing and peeling the potatoes. He doesn't have to ask to know where his father is.

 

“It was okay, kind of slow. But uh, coach told me that some scouts from Georgia Tech are coming to see me at the game on Friday.” His mom drops everything excitedly and engulfs him into a hug. 

 

“Oh baby I’m so proud of you!” She kisses his cheek and ushers him towards the door, “Go and tell your father, he’ll be so proud.” 

 

What he actually gets from his dad is a non committal grunt of  _ don’t mess it up, they don’t need a wasted journey.  _ His mom gushes over him at dinner and tries her hardest to make his dad say something positive about the whole thing, but to no avail. Instead he asks how Roman’s grades are and when Roman answers - truthfully - that he’s doing much better, passing almost everything, his dad wants to know why he’s not out studying with Dean and Seth instead of prancing around helping his mother in the kitchen. 

 

Roman tries to tell him that he likes to study on his own, and that he hates to see his ma doing all the work and likes to help, but it falls on deaf ears. In the end, he shoves his food down him just so that he can get away from his dad. 

 

He does some papers and all of his homework before taking a shower, by which time Dean is still not home and it makes his chest ache. It’ll be the first time in a couple of weeks that he’s going to have to sleep alone and he shouldn’t be so used to the company of someone else already. But he is, and it weighs heavy on him when he pulls on his sleep clothes and slips into bed. 

 

He’s so head over heels in love with his brother. It’s scary, really, how in love he is with him. How much he aches to have Dean wrap his arms around him and tell him that, after a long hard day, he’s here and everything is going to be okay, soothing him with a kiss. The world could end tomorrow and Roman wouldn’t give a damn as long as his last day ended in Dean’s arms. 

 

Roman’s head is still reeling when he hears his bedroom door creak open at a little past ten that night. He doesn’t have to turn around to know that it’s Dean. He only has to hear the sounds of Dean trying to rid himself of his clothes quietly - being not quiet at all, by default - before his hunch is confirmed by his bed dipping and a body slipping in beside him, wrapping their arms around him. 

 

“Hey.” Dean just  _ knows  _ that he’s not asleep, somehow, despite his best efforts to make it seem like he was. Roman rolls over so that he’s facing his brother and tucks his head into his neck. 

 

“Hey, good day?” 

 

“It was alright. Tired.” Dean says, unsuccessfully stifling a yawn. Roman kisses the underside of Dean’s jaw, amused at how slowly Dean’s facial hair grows. 

 

“Sleep, then.” 

 

“Wanna’ talk to you, though. Haven’t really seen you all day.” 

 

“Saw me at lunch.” 

 

“Yeah, but  _ she  _ had her perfectly manicured paws all over ya’.” Roman rolls his eyes, he can’t see much of Dean’s face because of the darkness of the room but he doesn’t need to see him to know that Dean’s scrunching up his face in disgust. 

 

He’s about to respond, finally ask Dean why he can talk about Nikki this way when Seth does the exact same thing to him, when Dean’s voice suddenly brightens. 

 

“Hey, congrats on those guys from Georgia Tech coming down to Friday’s game, that’s huge, Rome.” 

 

“It’s only huge if I don’t mess up.” 

 

“Roman, you’re the captain, the star player. You ain’t gonna’ mess up, okay?” Dean takes his face in his hands and presses a kiss to the bridge of his nose. 

 

“You look tired.” His brother says then, but Roman’s not sure how he can see that in the darkness. 

 

“Feel it.” 

 

Dean tugs Roman back into him, arms wrapping around his shoulders. “Go to sleep, Ro.” Dean carts his fingers through Roman’s hair until finally he feels himself being pulled into a deep, pitiful sleep. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm here with a super early update because I go on vacation tomorrow and I wouldn't be able to update until at least monday and seeing as I had the chapter written, there's no reason not to share it now. As always I want to thank each and every one of you for reading this and those who leave kudos and comments for me every chapter. You make me smile so much and I can't believe the response this fic has gotten. It was literally a small idea my teacher gave me that spiralled into this. I can't believe it. Please continue your kind words, it motivates me so much! As always you can reach me at my tumblr psychrollins for any discussions!

In between finals getting scarily close and the big game - as it has become known to everyone involved - being just two days away, Roman’s time table becomes crazy. Coach Helmsley offers him more one-on-one training, pulling in one of the other guys from the team who is looking for a scholarship to try and get them to become a dynamic duo. Mrs Miller, Mrs McMahon and Mr Heyman all put on extra study time periods for him and a couple of the kids - mostly Corey - to attend, just to make sure that he’s got his techniques down ready for the impending month. 

 

His life becomes busier than it was before - which Roman didn’t even think was possible, but clearly, he was wrong - and it leaves him with no time to himself whatsoever. 

 

It’s half past five when his alarm goes off, an hour and a half earlier than it normally does. He’s got a practice session with Coach Helmsley at seven before his morning class, then a whole day of classes before practice straight afterwards and then a study session with Mrs Miller - and probably Corey, too - after that. He’s not going to be home until the late evening and he’s already anticipating the fatigue he’s going to be feeling when the day finally ends. 

 

Dean grunts when Roman shifts to get the alarm to shut up. Dean hasn’t got to be up until they’re usual time so he gently slips out of his arms in efforts not to wake him. It’s almost physically painful to leave him there, all wrapped up in Roman’s sheets, hair a fluffy mess atop the pillow. Roman sighs and leans down to kiss Dean’s forehead before heading downstairs to grab some breakfast. 

 

The sun is only just starting to rise and he feels like he shouldn’t be awake before nature is, if he’s honest with himself. He pours himself some juice and grabs the cereal from the cupboard. Suddenly, the room is illuminated as the lights are flicked on - something he’d not done himself when he’d entered the kitchen - and Roman nearly drops the cereal out of sheer fright. He pivots quickly, heart race slowing when he sees his mom standing in the doorway, dressed in her bed gown and her face is screwed up with sleep. 

 

“You nearly gave me a heart attack, ma.” 

 

“Sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean too.” 

 

“What are you doing up? It’s way too early, go back to bed.” He says quietly when she sidles up next to him. 

 

“Honey, I could ask you the same thing.” 

 

“I have a practice session with Coach at seven, I have to be up this early.” His mom puts a hand on his arm and squeezes it gently. 

 

“What did I do to deserve such hardworking boys?” 

 

Roman kisses her forehead and gently nudges her back to the doorway while carrying his cereal over to the breakfast bar. “Go back to bed ma, I’ll be home late.” 

 

“Have a good day baby, love you.” 

 

“Love you too ma.” 

 

Roman makes it out of the house by half past six, a little later than he originally planned courtesy of Dean waking up while he was getting changed and initiating an impromptu makeout session. The sprint to the school football field is worth it though, warms him up. 

 

“Ah, Roman, glad you could make it.” Coach Helmsley grins, rubbing his hands together. Calvin - the other guy looking to get a scholarship - is standing next to him, looking just as tired as Roman feels. 

 

Coach gets them started as soon as Roman is kitted out. Calvin is their best wide receiver and Roman will honestly be shocked if the kid doesn’t get a scholarship, seeing as he’s also clever as hell. They begin with simple drills, speed, footwork - catching and receiving for Calvin - before moving on to trying out a few play through scenarios. 

 

When it’s over, Coach slaps them both on the back, and Roman feels his shoulder pads rattle. 

 

“Great work today boys, I’ve got future NFL stars on my hands, I can tell.” He ushers them into the locker rooms before heading off to start his day. There’s only half an hour before class starts so he and Calvin quickly shower, Roman mindlessly throwing his stuff into his gym bag. 

 

“We’re gonna’ smash Friday’s game, Reigns, I can feel it.” Calvin grins at him on their way out of the locker room. The school is filling up now, students everywhere, all in their groups and cliques. 

 

“Let’s hope we do, s’what our futures are riding on.” Calvin gives him a fist bump. 

 

“I’ll be seeing you at Georgia Tech, buddy.” Calvin jogs away to join his friends - who are all congregating near the big tree out in the yard - waving at Roman as he goes. 

 

Roman drags himself into the school building and heads to his locker to get his books for class. Nikki, Randy and John are all stood by there’s, books already in hand and in deep conversation. John’s going on about some girl he met at the store while Nikki tries to find her on social media so that John can talk to her. Randy is in his own world, as usual. 

 

“Roman, dude, you didn’t walk with us this morning, where were you?” John says, leaning against the locker. 

 

“Had early practice with Coach, been here since seven.” 

 

“Ouch, you’re serious about this scholarship.” 

 

Roman shoves his gym bag into his locker forcefully and slams the door shut before it can fall out. “Course I am, John. It’s like, my whole future is on the line.” 

 

“You’re going to do great Rome, you know you are.” Nikki says, rubbing his arm. If Roman had a dollar for everyone who told him that, he wouldn’t need to go to college he could just buy his way into the NFL. 

 

“Yeah well, let's not jinx it yet.” 

 

By the time Roman is in last period, he’s already fighting the urge to throw a sickie and bunk off for the rest of the evening so that he can sleep. But he’s still got practice and the study session after that and they’re too important to miss, so he hopes that the coffee that he drank not twenty minutes ago gives him enough energy to make it through the rest of the day. 

 

For the first time ever, Randy doesn’t show up to practice. He doesn’t join Roman, John and Dean by their pegs and he doesn’t show up late like he has done a thousand times and it leaves Roman wondering what the hell is going on in his friend’s head. He hasn’t been right since last week, but Roman hasn’t got a clue why and Randy hasn’t been giving anyone hints, either. 

 

Practice has to continue as normal without him, though they all try to call and text him to see where he is and Coach fumes when he doesn’t answer. 

 

“This is just what we need, Orton running awol days before the game. He knows, doesn’t he? He knows that important people are coming to see you all?” 

 

“He knows Coach, I told him myself.” Roman says, passing the tackling pad to John. 

 

“My God, never in my life have I met a kid like him before. If you guys get to him before I do, let him know that he’s got two more strikes before he’s kicked off the team.”

 

Despite Randy’s absence, practice goes well and the whole team is in high spirits and ready for the game. Roman’s high spirits are clouded somewhat by the fact that he feels like he’s about to drop dead. The early start has drained the life out of him, that and the combination of two football practice sessions and his classes. He slumps into the biology study session and Mrs Miller gives him a sympathetic smile. 

 

“You look tired Roman.” She takes a seat in front of him, a pile of textbooks under her arm. 

 

“I feel it, Miss, I feel it.” Cory gets in just after him, books in hand. 

 

Roman’s phone buzzes violently in his pocket just as they’re about to start, so he quickly pulls it out of his pocket and turns it off, the persistent buzzing will most likely annoy - and Cory and Mrs Miller - the hell out of him. 

 

They’re about ten minutes in - when Mrs Miller is explaining action potential for like the third time - when Enzo is sneaking into the room silently, his whole being stripped of his usual loud, snarky brevado. He sits with them and gets to work immediately, Roman hopes that he’s not the only one who sees the astonished but proud look on Mrs Miller’s face. 

 

“Thank you boys for coming, I’m glad you’re taking these finals seriously.” Cory and Enzo slip out with a wave of goodbye but Mrs Miller gets Roman to hold back for a moment. 

 

“I’m going on a teaching conference tomorrow and Friday, so you’ll have a sub for those two classes. He’ll be taking over the study sessions too, but I haven’t put your name down to attend. I want you to focus on the game for the next two days. You’ve been doing so well Roman, you can afford to miss a couple of these sessions in order to prepare.”

 

“Thanks, Miss. You won’t make it to the game, then?” 

 

“I’m going to try and make it back in time. Can’t miss our star player put that action potential to work, can I?” Roman huffs out a laugh, though he doesn’t really have a clue what she just said. 

 

“Have a nice evening, Roman.” 

 

“You too, Miss.” 

  
  


xXx

  
  


The sun hasn’t started to set when Roman makes his way home, but it isn’t far off. He’s alone again, the others having gone home straight after school and Dean and John had left straight after practice. His legs are aching now, shoulders feeling heavy and his brain hurting as he takes slow steps home. 

 

Relief floods his whole body when he finally makes it through the front door. He trudges up the stairs, shouting to his mom on the way up that he’s going to take a nap before he has anything to eat, he’s just far too pooped to even raise a fork to his mouth. 

 

The tiredness dissipates slightly when he makes it into his room and sees Dean stretched out on his bed, hands folded behind his head. 

 

“God, I thought you were never going to get home.” Dean says, outstretching his arms. Roman falls into them, no hesitation in accepting the open invitation. Dean wraps his arms around him and lets Roman lay on top of him, head buried in his brother's neck. God it feels good to finally take the weight off his feet, especially in Dean’s arms. 

 

“Long day?” 

 

“The longest.” Roman mumbles. He’s tired as hell, wants to fall asleep right now but he can’t help but push himself up so that he’s looming over Dean. He leans down and presses a soft kiss to Dean’s lips. He’s slow and hesitant at first, it’s always been Dean who's either initiated their intimacy or taken the lead in it, but he wants Dean to know that he wants this just as much as he does, wants to prove that he’s not totally scared of what they have. His head spins, though he’s not sure whether it's because he’s kissing Dean or because this is far too much exertion for someone as tired as he is. 

 

Dean curls his hands into the front of Roman’s shirt, trying to pull him closer. “You’re sweaty as hell, Rome.” He doesn’t stop kissing him, though. 

 

“Didn’t get a chance to shower after practice, should probably take one before I pass out and never wake up.” He tries to push himself from the bed but Dean keeps a firm grip on his shirt a grin breaking out on his face. 

 

“I like you all sweaty, though.” Dean fucking  _ smirks _ and pulls Roman back down, crashing their lips together. It’s frenzied and heated and God Roman wishes he wasn’t so tired right now. He totally wants a repeat of the other night. He pushes his groin into Dean’s, letting him know that yeah, he  _ wants  _ this, wants  _ him  _ and nobody else. Roman lets out a groan at the feel Dean pressed so close against him, remembers what it felt like to have Dean inside of him and-- 

 

The door to his room swings open, “For God's sake Dean you were meant to meet--” Roman snaps away from Dean to see Seth standing in the doorway to his room, mouth hanging open and a mixture of confusion, hurt and disgust written all over his face. Roman’s heart sinks. 

 

“What the fuck is going on here?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so first of all thanks for much for all your wonderful comments on the last chapter. you're bloooooody brilliant! also super sorry for the quality of this chapter because i am sick as hell and nothing makes sense anymore lmao. BUt here we are with another chapter. alSO if you get the usual suspects reference you are da bomb dot com. aND if you know who calvin is then plz say because i don't wanna be the only roman reigns nerd in the world :))))) please listen to who's going home with you tonight by trapt at least once while listening to this chapter because feeeeeels!!!

Roman’s heart races, though it feels like it's somewhere between his gut and his ass, as Seth continues to stand in front of them, eyes hard, angry and quite frankly disgusted. Why hadn’t he shut his door when he got up here? Why hadn’t Seth fucking knocked? There’s no way they can explain this. He’s fucking on top of Dean, their groins pressed against each others and they were kissing. 

 

“S-seth, what’re you--” Dean stammers as Roman tries to clamber off the bed without hurting himself. 

 

“You’re cheating on me, with your  _ brother _ ?” Wait,  _ what _ ? 

 

“Cheating?” Roman repeats before he can stop himself. What the hell is, are they a thing? 

 

“Yes, cheating,” Seth spits venomously, “We’ve been together for months, well we  _ were. _ ” Roman suddenly feels like the whole world has fallen off its axis. Dean has been with Seth the whole time? They were together when Dean  _ kissed _ him, when they had  _ sex _ . Roman looks at Dean, who looks like a deer caught in headlights and Roman swears he feels his heart get ripped into two pieces. 

 

“This is so fucked up, this is disgusting, I’m, fuck you Dean.” Seth storms out, slamming the door on his way out. Roman turns, ready to unleash his own tirade on Dean but his brother is already up and running out of the room, following Seth without so much as a look back to Roman. Not an apology, not a  _ I’ll be back soon,  _ just the sound of their feet thundering down the stairs and doors slamming. 

 

For a split second, Roman feels nothing. Absolutely nothing, he’s just enveloped in the too hot air around him, heart  _ thump thump thumping _ away as he stands to look out of the window, watching Dean catch up with Seth. It’s then that he feels  _ everything.  _ A sharp, hot pain bubbles in his chest as he stumbles back to the bed, eyes stinging as he tries to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall. 

 

How is this happening? Roman clenches his eyes shut, hoping that if he keeps them closed long enough, he’ll wake up and this will all be just a bad dream, Dean will be next to him, running a hand through his hair. 

 

Roman opens his eyes to the empty room. No Dean beside him. It isn’t a dream. This is real, Dean was  _ cheating  _ on him. Cheating on Seth, more so. He’s just the other guy, isn’t he? Finally Roman has answers to the questions he should have asked ages ago, back when Dean kissed him. Roman huffs out a harsh laugh. How stupid is he? How stupid is he to misinterpret all the signs. How could he just assume that Dean and Seth’s relationship was like his and Nikki’s? How could he not  _ see.  _ His body shakes, that sharp, hot pain no longer just bubbling around his chest but taking over his whole body as he finally lets out a broken cry. 

 

Roman hates crying, has since he was a little kid. His dad always told him that boys don’t cry. But Roman doesn’t even feel like a man right now, just feels like a spare part that’s used until the new one is shipped out. That’s all he was to Dean, wasn’t he? The spare part to use when the other one was out of order. Seth kicked up his studying, had less time to hang out, so Dean turned to him. 

 

How could Dean do this to him? How could his brother treat him like nothing more than a piece of gum on the bottom of his shoe? 

 

_ Your boy may look like an angel.  _ Another harsh laugh rumbles from Roman’s chest, sounding wet and cracking through his tears. She was right, the fucking fortune teller was right. How did she know, how could she know that Dean was a liar? Because fortune tellers are supposed to be phonies. Just average-joes dressed up and sitting in a prettily decorated booth to con money out of people and give them a little spook. But she knew. And Roman should have listened. Nikki said not to listen to her, seeing as her reading was bogus. 

 

_ Nikki.  _  Roman grabs his phone from his back pocket and turns it on, ignoring the way he can see his red, puffy face in the blank screen before it illuminates with life. As soon as it boots up, the thing immediately starts to buzz with incoming messages and missed calls. All of them are from Nikki, sent at various times this afternoon and through the evening. 

 

_ Missed Call: Nikki _

 

_ Missed Call (2): Nikki  _

 

_ Missed Call (3): Nikki _

 

**_God damn Roman pick up your phone!!!!_ **

 

**_Roman you really need to take my calls like right now._ **

 

**_It’s important._ **

 

_ Missed Call (4): Nikki _

 

_ Missed Call (5): Nikki  _

 

**_I can’t tell you this over text Roman you need to answer your phone._ **

 

**_PLEASE ROMAN_ **

 

_ Missed Call (6): Nikki  _

 

**_Call me when you get these Ro. We need to talk. Love ya._ **

 

Roman presses the call button immediately, forgetting for a moment about his own heartbreak to be concerned for his best friend and hoping that there's nothing wrong with her. After two rings, Nikki’s voice crackles through the receiver. 

 

“God damn Roman it's about time, I've been trying to reach you all afternoon.” 

 

“Had my phone turned off, everything okay?” He can't keep his voice from sounding wet and pained, Nikki’s tone changes immediately. 

 

“Ro are you crying?” Roman takes a deep breath, a fresh wave of pain hitting him right in the gut. 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“Please don't tell me I'm too late.” 

 

“Too late?” 

 

Nikki is silent for a moment before her voice turns soft. “I was in the library earlier and I saw,” The moment Nikki pauses, Roman knows what she's trying to say. 

 

“I know about Seth and Dean, Nikki.” He hears his friend suck in a harsh breath. 

 

“What happened, Ro?” 

 

Roman’s gut swirls with a sick feeling as he relives the moment Seth barged into his bedroom and his whole world crumbled around him. “Seth caught Dean and I kissing,” Roman forces out, feels fresh tears burning his eyes. “Told me they'd been together for months.” 

 

“Are you kidding me?” 

 

“Wish I was, Nik.” 

 

He talks with Nikki on the phone for an hour or so, and even declines her offer to come over and look after him. He needs to sleep, and he's not really in the mood for company, even Nikki’s. He just wants to curl up into a ball and forget that all of this ever happened, that tonight is just one big nightmare that Roman is yet to wake up from. 

 

When exhaustion pulls Roman under, every dream that he has somehow turns into a nightmare, Seth’s disgusted face appears and ruins everything, the fortune teller is there, practically cackling at his misfortune. It happens numerous times, with Roman waking with a start each time, sweating profusely and his heart hammering away in his chest. At one point, he wakes up to find that his mom has put some food on his bedside table. He tries to eat a little but despite it tasting delicious, it makes him feel sick to his stomach. 

 

He takes a shower to try and take his mind off everything, but it only reminds him of when Dean pushed him up against the bathroom wall and kissed all of the air out of his lungs. 

 

And that's the thing, isn't it? Everything reminds him of Dean. Everything around him reminds him of what he's lost and what he  _ never had.  _ Because Dean is just his brother. They can't be anything else because Roman is a worthless piece of crap, nobody, especially Dean, would want to love him. 

 

Roman stays awake all night, listening to every little sound, trying to hear Dean returning home and wishing that he would slip into his bed and tell him that it was all one big misunderstanding and that he does love him. When morning comes, Roman tells himself that he doesn't deserve it anyway. 

  
  
  


xXx

  
  
  


At school, Roman feels like a zombie. He has to act like he’s excited as hell, seeing as the big game is tomorrow but inside all he feels is a cold numbness working its way through his whole body. It’s like he’s taking one step forward and two steps back. Roman’s seemingly not allowed to have everything he wants all at once, even though everyone else is.

 

When he had shit grades but good football, he and Dean were super close, not close enough but Roman could deal. He was dealing. But then he was given the taste of okay grades, a massive football opportunity  _ and  _ Dean and it was everything he wanted. Too good to be true, as he’s heard people say before. 

 

He’s on his way to his locker when Calvin intercepts him. Calvin is more than a little bit of light relief, the guy is a hunk of excitable energy that is infectious. He’s so excited for the game, at the potential of having these big scouts coming to see them. It makes him feel a little better, talking to his teammate. Despite everything, it ignites a little fire of excitement inside him for tomorrow. 

 

Because in the end, it’s the ultimate dream, isn’t it? Going to Georgia Tech is what he’s wanted since he’s been a little kid, watching some of the guys who’ve previously attended moving up to the NFL and making it big, being people's heroes. 

 

Nikki is waiting for him by his locker and oday he couldn’t have been more grateful to have her as his friend. The moment she had laid eyes on him this morning she had flung her arms around him and let him have a small cry into her shoulder while she told him how much she hated Dean and that Dean didn’t deserve him. He didn’t believe the last part, but it made him feel a little better to hear someone say it, at least. He’d told her what had happened, in every heartbreaking detail and it’s fair to say that Nikki had flipped her shit at least twice. Once at Seth having the audacity to just walk into Roman’s room and once at Dean leaving Roman without saying anything. 

 

Nikki greets him with a hug and immediately launches into some elaborate story about something or other because she knows he isn’t really in the talking mood and he’s extremely thankful for that. 

 

What he’s not thankful for, however, is seeing Dean for the first time since last night. He’s managed to avoid him all day, seeing as he never actually came home last night. He’d asked his mom this morning where he was, pretending to be the concerned brother and was told that he had spent the night at Seth’s. Roman had managed to keep the heartbreak from showing on his face, but only just. 

 

Dean’s alone, shoving things into his locker as he avoids looking at Roman. Roman feels his heart beat wildly in his chest, a mixture of hurt and anger pooling in his gut, but it’s nothing compared to the anger that is radiating off Nikki beside him. 

 

“You disgust me you know that?” Nikki spits, slamming Dean’s locker shut to force him to look at her. 

 

“Excuse me?” 

 

“I said, you disgust me,” Nikki repeats, like she’s talking to a five year old. Roman knows he should probably stop Nikki from verbally attacking his brother but if he’s being honest with himself, he knows he’s unlikely to say this stuff himself and Dean should hear it. And Nikki would probably kill him if he stopped her now. 

 

“Is that how you get off, huh? Using the people who love you the most?” 

 

“You know nothing.” Dean spits back. From the corner of his eye Roman sees Dean look at him briefly but Roman doesn’t give him the satisfaction of looking back. 

 

“I know  _ everything  _ you jackass.”

 

“Course you do.” 

 

“Do you even care about Roman?” Okay, Roman definitely does not want to listen to that answer, his heart is way too fragile at the moment. 

 

“Okay we’re done here.” Roman takes hold of Nikki’s arm and pulls her away from Dean and leading her towards the cafeteria. Dean’s probably going to be there soon too, but Nikki won’t say anything in front of everyone else. 

 

“Ah look who it is, Roman,” John bellows happily, a huge smile on his face. John is always happy, for some reason. Roman wishes he could be like that. 

 

“So, how’s it feel to have another brother?” Roman takes his seat next to Nikki, confused. 

 

“Excuse me?” 

 

“Dean and Seth, I can’t believe they’ve been hiding their relationship for months.” Roman wants to be sick. It’s not even been a  _ day.  _ And they’re, they’ve told everyone they’re together? How is Seth still with him? Even if it were the other way around, Roman would be pissed at Dean for what he did, is Seth not pissed? 

 

“I’m just pissed that I got slapped the other day for almost outing them and then they decide to do it anyway.” Randy grumbles, clutching at his cheek like he remembers the pain. So that’s what all that was about. 

 

“You knew?” Roman asks, wondering how on earth Randy knew before he did. 

 

“Yeah, I saw Dean fucking Seth in the locker room showers like a month ago, it was gross.” Roman  _ is  _ nearly sick then. Nikki squeezes his knee, trying to ground him, but Roman doesn’t need grounding, he needs pulling out of the six foot deep casket he feels like he’s in. 

 

“Yeah gross.” Roman forces out a laugh, taking a large sip of his water. How is this happening? How did Dean and Seth keep all of this under wraps for so long, how did Dean manage to fool him like this?  _ The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.  _ So much for pop-culture knowledge. 

 

For the rest of the day, Roman doesn’t see Dean. And that should be it, shouldn’t it? Roman should be able to breathe now, go home now that school is over and forget about everything until the next day. But Roman can’t do that. Because Dean is his brother and he lives with him. He dreads it. Home is the last place he wants to be right now. 

  
  
  


xXx

  
  
  


It’s only when Roman’s in his room after dinner - which Dean didn’t come home for - that he see’s his brothers. He’s sitting on his bed doing his homework when Dean barges in without knocking. 

 

“Go away.” Roman mumbles without looking up at him. He doesn’t want to deal with him now, he’s too tired. Doesn’t want to hear anything about Seth or the two of them or anything. 

 

“Rome,” 

 

“I said, go away.” 

 

“We have to talk.” 

 

Roman barks out a laugh. “Bit late for that.” 

 

“Did Nikki know about us?” 

 

“Is that all you have to say?” Roman sees red, just a little. Because there’s so much more Dean should be saying. So much more. Like a  _ sorry _ . Or an  _ I didn’t mean to hurt you.  _ Even if it’s all lies, it’s what he should be saying. 

“Roman--” 

 

“No. No Dean don’t  _ Roman  _ me. Get out of my room.”

 

When Dean doesn’t move, Roman grits his teeth. “Get. Out.” 

  
Dean does then, slamming Roman’s door closed on his way out. Roman makes a pained noise, that sick feeling back in his stomach. Tears sting at his eyes and blur his vision as he cradles his textbook in his arms, a sob pushing itself from his chest to his throat and choking him. If only it would.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY so i first wanna say I FREAKING LOVE YOU ALL. you're so great and i love talking to you all about this! also i feel SUPER bad about roman's dad being a massive asshole in this because someone posted a video of roman's dad going crazy when roman won at mania AND IT WAS SO CUTE!!! he's so proud of his son and he's nothing like this in real life. anyway. here's chapter fifteen!!! hope you all enjoy and don't forget to leave comments because you're all freaking great and i love talking to you!! also hmu at my tumblr psychrollins!

Roman wakes up on game day with a headache that feels like there’s someone inside of his head with a sledgehammer trying to escape. He’s got a crick in his neck from where he fell asleep curled up and using his arm as a pillow instead of his actual pillow and his mouth is as dry as the Sahara desert, all in all, he feels like shit. 

 

It doesn’t surprise him though, he’d spent the majority of the night crying and dry heaving into the toilet. The moment Dean had slammed the door to his room, well it felt like the  _ end.  _ As if Seth walking in on them and then the two of them announcing their relationship the very next wasn't enough, Dean only caring about whether Nikki knew was the nail in the coffin. Did he not care how Roman felt, did he not realise that Roman was hurting because he's lost the one person he's ever loved? 

 

He can't understand how everything happened so quickly, one moment he and Dean were kissing, pushing each other to  _ that place  _ and the next, Roman’s whole world was shattering around him. The fact that Dean is his brother makes this whole thing worse. Maybe he was naive to think that it would have ever worked out between them, but he'd never thought that it would be over at the hands of Dean. Ever since they were six years old, Roman’s done everything he could to never hurt his brother and now here he is, seventeen years old and his brother has hurt him like no one ever has before and all so easily and effortlessly. 

 

Roman throws the covers away from himself and stretches out, trying to release some of the tension in his body. There's sunlight streaming through his blinds and he steps over to peek through. It's another beautiful day, bright blue skies with the sun pouring down even at this time of the morning. It will be good for the game, everyone loves to come to a game when the afternoon sun is beating down on them, though the team will have to do a lot of switching to prevent any of them getting heat exhaustion. 

 

He goes about his morning routine, doing his best to avoid looking at himself in any mirrors because he can't stand the sight of himself right now. He knows he looks disgusting, eyes dull and rimmed red from crying. He's pretty sure he looks like he's been punched in both eyes, the circles around them so dark they're like bruises. Is this why Dean chose Seth over him? Seth seems to have it all together so much better than he does. He's got the brains, being so much smarter than Roman in absolutely everything, and the looks. Seth’s so much smaller than him, lean body complimented with a pretty face and puppy dog eyes. Roman’s just a big lump of nothing, isn't he? All tall with thick arms and legs, a softly rounded belly that can always be seen underneath his clothes, especially the tight jersey he wears when playing football. His nose is too big for his face, nostrils flaring to the size of planets when he laughs, sneezes or coughs. His head is square, too, he thought growing his hair out would help hide it but it really hasn't done much. 

 

And that's just it, isn't it? He’ll never be enough. It's painfully obvious now, he's just not what people want. 

 

On his way down stairs Roman hears his mom and dads excited voices booming from the kitchen. 

 

“Tell him we want him around for dinner as soon as possible, sweetie.” It makes him stop dead in the hallway, his mom sounds so happy and through the crack in the door he can see his dad put his large hand on Dean’s shoulder. 

 

“We’re very proud of you son, Seth is a wonderful young man, he’ll fit right into our family.” Roman wants to vomit right there and then. If they knew what had really happened, would they be as proud of Dean? Alongside the pains in his chest, jealousy swirls in Roman’s gut. Their dad is proud of Dean for getting a good boyfriend, why can't he be proud of Roman for anything he’s done? Why isn't he God damn good enough? He pushes the door to the kitchen open and steps inside, he hopes that his parents are too wrapped up in Dean to even notice he's there. 

 

“Morning sweetheart,” No such luck. “Did you know about Dean and Seth?” Roman pours himself a glass of water and tries to swallow the bile rising in his throat. 

 

“Yeah I knew.” 

 

His mother rolls her eyes, “Of course you knew, you two tell each other everything.” He wants to scoff, a silent  _ we really fucking don't, ma  _ hanging from his tongue. 

 

“Are you okay? You look sick.” Dean has the audacity to say. 

 

“Just nervous.” Roman mumbles, pouring himself glass of water. 

 

“Oh sweetie,” his mom sighs, guilt plastering her whole face. “It's your big game today isn't it?” He only nods, downing his second glass of water. 

 

“Are you ready?” His dad asks. Roman shrugs, causing his dad to scowl. 

 

“Georgia Tech don’t wa--” 

 

“I know dad,” Roman interrupts, slinging his rucksack over his shoulder and grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl on the kitchen table. “Georgia Tech don't want people who aren't ready. I’ll try my best, if that's good enough.” He leaves without another word, his family somewhat shocked into silence at words. He could say more, but he leaves it at that, stepping out of the house and into the warm sunshine, hoping that it will brighten his mood, at least for a little while. 

 

For the most part, Roman’s morning is quiet. As it usually does when it's game day, the school thrums with energy, many are already sporting their jerseys and hoodies in support of their team and most of the people he knows shout words of good luck to him. Being the captain has its perks, most of the people in the school respect him and genuinely like him, but he knows it's only because he's helped lead their time to glory. He knows that they love Roman Reigns, the captain of the football team and not Roman Reigns, the person. 

 

He doesn't have many friends. The whole school knows his name, sure, but when it comes down to it, he can count the people he really trusts on his hands, and even then, the fingers are going down day by day. 

 

“Hey handsome,” Nikki’s sweet voice pulls him out of his own thoughts and he closes his locker, turning to her with a smile. If he’d have had to go through these last couple of days without Nikki, God he doesn't know what state he'd be in. A much worse one, he guesses. The girl has done nothing but look after him, texting him throughout the school day to make sure he's okay and right before he goes to sleep, always signing off with a  _ love ya  _ and one of those stupid kissing smiley faces. It doesn't cure his broken heart, but it sure does warm it. He knows having a friend like Nikki is rare and he should really do more to show her how grateful he his. “You ready to go to lunch?” 

 

Roman gives her a wry smile, “Definitely ready for food, not totally ready for  _ them.”  _ Nikki squeezes his arm sympathetically. 

 

“We can sit somewhere else if you want?” 

 

“Nah, can't let it push me away from my friends. Let's go.” 

 

Nikki links her arm with his and together they navigate the halls and make their way into the canteen. Roman's heart lunges when his eyes fall upon their table of friends. Dean and Seth are sitting pressed against each other, arms and shoulders touching and Seth’s laughing at something while Dean’s got that big, dopey grin on his face, dimples and all. The room suddenly feels too hot, too many people in it and around him. Why aren't they sad like he is? How is it that they can sit their like nothing has happened when Roman’s world is seemingly at an end. 

 

“Are you sure you don't wanna’ go sit somewhere else? It's a nice day, we could sit outside?” 

 

Roman shakes his head, swallowing hard. “No, if, they're together, I need to get used to it.” Nikki gives his arm an extra squeeze as they make their way over to the table and sit down. Nikki falls easily into a conversation with her sister - but not before glaring at Seth and Dean, and Roman can practically see the mental anguish Dean goes through to not flip her off - while Roman digs into his food and tries to ignore what's going on around him. 

 

He does feel Dean’s eyes on him every now and then, but he refuses to ever meet his eyes. Roman can't take that, he’ll probably start crying their and then. 

 

“Yo Reigns,” Roman lifts his head up at the sound of his name being called across the canteen and sees Calvin near the doors with his friends. He makes his way over once Roman has acknowledged him, he's got a football in his hands and he's wearing last years jersey. 

 

“Coach wanted me to let you know that he wants us all in the locker rooms straight after last period, something about last minute preparation. I've let the others know so, just turn up.” 

 

“Thanks Johnson, see you later.” 

 

“Later bro.” Calvin sticks out his fist and Roman knocks it with his own before watching him bounce away. 

 

“Since when were you and Johnson close?” John quizzes, mouth full of chicken wrap. 

 

“He's been doing the extra training sessions with me, he's a good guy. Looking to go to Georgia Tech too.” 

 

“I mean he's the best wide receiver we have but, I dunno’, always thought he was an asshole myself.” 

 

Roman shakes his head, asshole is the last thing he'd describe Calvin as. “He's cool, pretty tiring though, never stops bouncing around.” John laughs and nods and turns his attention to the rest of the table. 

 

“Hey, you girls coming to the game?” 

 

“Of course,” Brie says smiling sweetly, “Wouldn't miss our boys in action.” 

 

“What about you, Seth?” 

 

“What Brie said.” Seth replies, grinning. Dean’s smiling brightly beside him and it makes Roman want to throw up. Nikki squeezes his leg and leans into him, a sweet smile on her face. 

 

“Don't worry,” She half whispers, “I’ll be your personal cheerleader.” Roman cracks a smile, ready to say thank you for her support, but the sounds of exaggerated gagging stop him before he can. 

 

“Bella number two, please, cut the PDA out, trying to eat here.” Randy dead pans, smiling sarcastically at her. 

 

“Me?” Nikki scowls, her eyes hard and angry, “Why don't you tell that to those two sitting there?” She points to Dean and Seth who are sitting so close to each other that if they got any closer, Seth would practically be sitting in Dean’s lap. “And by the way, I’m Bella number one, asshole.” 

 

“No you are not!” Brie interjects. 

 

“I came out of the womb first, so I am indeed Bella number one.” 

 

Brie rolls her eyes and flicks her hair over her shoulder, “That's bullshit.” 

 

“Is not!” 

 

“Is too!” 

 

“Alright ladies, that's enough. You're both great, alright?” John, ever the mediator says calmly. Brie goes back to eating her salad but she's still scowling. 

 

When the bell rings to signal the end of lunch period, the whole table splits to go their separate ways. John heads off on his own as does Brie, while Seth, Dean and Randy head out to the courtyard and Roman and Nikki make their way into the hallways, getting lost in the sea of other students. 

 

It's so different to the how they’ve been since they started out at Pensacola high. No matter what it was, they've always done stuff together, even leaving the canteen even though sometimes it meant that a couple of them had to take a detour to get back to class. That's just how they've always worked, but now, now it's like there's giant wedges between all of them in some way or another and although he's got Nikki standing right beside him, Roman feels more alone than he ever has. 

  
  
  


xXx

  
  
  


The locker room practically vibrates with energy as the team prepares for the game. They've got their fresh jerseys on and the chants are loud, punctuated with large hands slamming the lockers. Roman can't deny that it doesn't have his heart beating wildly in his chest and excitement churning in his belly. The only problem is that Randy hasn't turned up yet. 

 

Coach is just about ready to have an aneurysm at the thought of his co-captain not being present for the biggest game of the season. There's only twenty minutes until kick off and Coach pulls him and Calvin aside. 

 

“Are you sure that Orton knew he had to be here right after last period?” 

 

It's kind of a stupid question, really, because even if Randy didn't know, he should at least be here by now. 

 

“Sure Coach, he was on the table when I told Roman. And besides, he should be here by now, we kickoff in twenty.” Calvin supplies and Coach Helmsley lets out a harsh sigh. 

 

“That makes me feel a whole lot better, thank you Johnson,” Coach runs a hand down his face, lingering on his slight scruff before sighing again. 

 

“Right, Johnson, you’ll take up co-captaincy. Good to play in Orton’s place?” Calvin nods calmly, though Roman can see that all the guy wants to do is cheer and jump around. “Good, I'll put Walker in your place, not as good as you but he's not bad. Roman let the others know the change in positions, there's something I've got to take care of.” Coach Helmsley pats him on the shoulder before sauntering away. The moment he steps out of the locker room, Calvin is cheering wilding beside him. 

 

“Fuck yes, I'm finally co-captain! Not like I've been waiting a million years or anything.” Roman grins and shoves his shoulder playfully as he turns away to inform the rest of the team about the position changes. Dean is hovering in the corner with John, completely engrossed in his conversation with him. He's managed to put everything out of his mind for a little while, he knows he needs to focus on the game, he can't afford any distractions. 

 

Ten minutes before kickoff, Randy strolls in without a care in the world, like their biggest game of the season doesn't start in a matter of minutes. 

 

“Where have you been?” 

 

“Doing things,” Randy bites, rolling his eyes, “Chill out Roman I'm here now.” 

 

“Coach is going to kill you.” 

 

“Fuck Coach.” 

 

“He's taken you out of the match, Randy, Johnson’s co-captain now.” Roman exclaims and he watches as Randy’s eyes go dark, his face contorting in anger and confusion. 

 

“Excuse me?” 

 

“He's swapped you for Calvin and put Walker in as the wide receiver.” 

 

“Well I'm here now,” Randy says slowly, like he's trying to stay calm, “Tell him to go swap it back.” Roman takes a long look at his friend before shaking his head. 

 

“I ain't’ doing that Randy, you didn't show up to practices and put other shit before this game when everyone else gave up their time. I respect his decision so I'm not going to change it.” 

 

“Don't be an asshole, Roman.” 

 

“Then don't be late, Randy, because then I wouldn't have to be.” The rest of the team starts to filter out the locker room and Roman grabs his helmet and mouthguard from his bag, following them out. 

 

“Good luck out there Roman, you're going to need it.” Randy sneers before sitting down on one of the benches. Roman tries to ignore it as he exits, letting the sound of the crowd out in the bleachers slowly get louder as he gets closer and the sound of the school band becoming clearing. 

 

The bleachers are almost full, mostly full of people wearing purple and white jerseys with a small section dedicated to the opposing team. “Let's go Tigers” chants fill the air as Roman makes it to where his team have gathered. 

 

“Roman!” Roman turns to where he faintly hears his name being called. Coach is walking towards him with a man in a gold jersey on, it takes Roman a second before it clicks. 

 

“Roman, I'd like you to meet Chan Gailey, head coach at Georgia Tech.” The man - Coach Gailey - sticks out his hand and Roman shakes it with a wide smile on his face. 

 

“Great to meet you Sir.” 

 

“Likewise Mr Reigns, I've heard a lot about you.” He drawls in his southern accent. 

 

“Roman has applied for Georgia Tech through a scholarship, he’s one of our most talented guys.” Coach Helmsley supplies.

 

“That’s good to hear, kid. Well if you’re half as good as they ya’ are, I’d love to have you on the team.” Coach Gailey wishes him good luck before Coach Helmsley shows him to his seat. Roman’s heart beats wildly in his chest.  _ The Head Coach at Georgia Tech is going to see him play.  _ The most important guy at Georgia Tech is going to watch  _ him  _ play football. 

 

He’s grinning from ear to ear when he huddles his team in for their pre-match pep talk. 

 

“Listen boys, when Coach said there was some big guys coming down, he wasn’t wrong. Chan Gailey, head coach at Georgia Tech is here so we’ve got to bring home the bacon. Play like we’ve been playing the whole season but  _ better.  _ I know we’ve had some last minute position changes but it’s nothing we can’t handle. We’ve got this.” The whole team put their fists out before raising them and shouting  _ Go Tigers!  _ Loudly into the air. Roman slips his mouthguard into his mouth and pulls his helmet on, running onto the field to get into position as the whole crowd cheers wilding and the school band plays. 

  
  


In the second down, they’re already up fourteen to seven with Roman being responsible for the most part of that and racking up the yardage. 

 

Despite the position change, the whole team is fluid and despite the other team doing well too, they’re not as consistent as they are. At halftime the Coach does nothing but praise them, telling them how he proud he is of them for putting on one of the most professional games of football he’s ever seen from a bunch of high schoolers. Roman’s on a high, there’s a chance that his dream is actually going to come true, if they can keep playing the way they’re playing. 

 

It’s halfway through the third down that Roman feels the shift in the other team. After Roman makes another touchdown, the opposing team get tougher. More ruthless. Roman gets tackled to the ground more than he ever has before. He’s a big guy, it takes a lot to put him on the floor, but the other team have some big guys too and Roman finds himself on the receiving end of some nasty tackles. 

 

Coach switches him out just before the fourth down, just to give him five minutes of breathing space.

 

“What’s going on out there?” 

 

“They’re getting rougher. Frustrated, I’d say.” 

 

“You’re okay though? Took a few nasty bumps out there kid.” 

 

“I’m good,” Roman says, putting his mouthpiece back in and his helmet back on. “All part of the game.” He manages to mumble before running back onto the field. 

 

They’re up thirty-one seven in the fourth down and Roman’s just got the pass, taking off down the field, chasing another touchdown. He dodges guy after guy, can see the line in sight. 

 

Roman feels the impact before he sees anything. Something large, heavy and solid ploughing into the side of him. He feels and hears everything happening all at once. Hears the sound of shoulder pads  _ cracking _ upon the impact, the  _ smacking  _ sound as he hits the floor. But most of all Roman feels his ribs crack, feels all of the air in his lungs slammed out of his body. 

 

For a moment there is silence as Roman tries to desperately suck in air. But he can’t. He can taste the blood in his mouth as he spits out his mouthguard into the helmet. It doesn’t help. His lungs burn fiercely.  _ Why can’t he breathe?  _

 

Roman hears his name screamed,  _ Dean,  _ and the hum of the crowd as silence turns into the buzz of worry. He can’t move but someone is pulling his helmet off, cradling his head in their hands as his vision blurs, head feeling light, floating. 

“It’s going to be alright, Rome, you’re gonna’ be fine.”  _ Dean…  _

 

“Someone get a fucking medic!”  _ Coach…  _

 

“You’re gonna’ be okay Rome, jesus christ you gotta’ be okay.”  _ Dean…  _

  
Dean is here. Right by his side. That’s all he needs.  _ Dean.  _


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've actually ran out of creative ways to say hello. so hi! it's that time again! thank you for the incredible feedback you guys always give me, it honestly makes me so happy! i was wondering, are the majority of you wonderfuls ambreigns faithful in this or are there any other ships taking your fancy? let me know! I had a mention of roman/calvin and i thought that was so cool that people are seeing different things in this! some revelations in this chapter so let me know what you think! as always find me at my tumblr psychrollins :) (also my medical knowledge is based off google search so... bare that in mind!)

The light stings Roman’s eyes as he blinks them open. Everything is a little blurry and all he can see is a row of bright lights above him, not to mention that his whole body hurts like a bitch. 

 

“His eyes are moving.” He vaguely hears but his heads still fuzzy and he can’t quite make out who it is. Roman tries to shift, wanting to rub his eyes and clear away the fog that has settled in his head but  _ God everything hurts.  _

 

“Don’t move, Ro, mom’s gone to get the doctor.” 

 

Ah, that’s it. He remembers now. Remembers getting bulldozed into the ground and not being able to fucking breathe. Roman blinks a couple more times, his surroundings slowly coming into focus and telling him that he is in fact, in hospital. Dean and Nikki are by his bedside and there’s a mixture of relief and concern written all over their faces. 

 

His mother and a doctor walk into the room before he has any chance to say anything, but he’s not sure he’d have been able to get the words out anyway with his mouth being so dry and the heavy feeling of his chest. 

 

“Roman, nice to finally meet you. I’m Dr. Saxton, how are you feeling?” 

 

“Sore.” The word cracks as it leaves his mouth and a sharp pain in his chest follows it. 

 

“That’s to be expected, you took an extremely nasty hit out on the field. You’ve got a couple of broken ribs, suspected pulmonary contusion and general contusions of the body. Luckily there was no spinal injury or head trauma so despite everything you are incredibly lucky,” The doctor gives him a light smile and then turns to his mom, writing something down. “We’re going to start a course of Codeine, a pain relief medication, and then he will have an x-ray done in another couple of hours to diagnose the possible pulmonary contusion. I’ll have the nurse come with his medication in a little while.” With a final smile the doctor leaves, and his mother is at his bedside the second he leaves. 

 

“My God Roman you scared me half to death.” 

 

Roman gives a slight smile, “Sorry,” His voice crackles and he tries to clear his throat but the pain in his ribs causes him to wince and hiss in pain. 

 

“Yeah I wouldn’t try and do that, Rome, pretty sure the morphine has worn off now.” Nikki says standing on his other side. She looks tired, hair pulled into a messy bun thing on the top of her head and wearing the same clothes as she was, well whenever he last saw her. 

 

“How long have you been here?”

 

“She’s been here all night, she called me to let me know what was happening before the EMT’s could.” His mom interjects, a soft smile on her face as she reaches over the bed to rub Nikki’s arm warmly. A wave of guilt mixed with gratefulness washes over Roman as he turns back to Nikki. 

 

“Thank you.” His voice crackles again and the most he can do is swallow and try to make it sound like he hasn’t been a chain smoker all his life. 

 

Nikki rolls her eyes at him and and squeezes his hand.  “Don’t be silly, I had to make sure you were still going to be able to take me to prom.” She grins then, her other hand reaching out to brush away some of the baby hairs that are flying all around his forehead. 

 

“You should go home,” He wheezes slightly, a little out of breath, “Get some rest.” 

 

Nikki goes to protest but his mom interjects before he can say anything to stop her. 

 

“He’s right sweetheart, you’ve done more than enough for us. You need to rest.” Nikki sighs in defeat. 

 

“I’ll be back later, okay?” She swings her bag over her shoulder and leans down to gently embrace him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Don’t scare me like that again, alright? Love you.” Before leaving she hugs his mother but doesn’t say a word to Dean, who’s sitting on a chair in the corner of the room. Roman almost forgot he was here. 

 

“What a wonderful young lady she is. Are you sure she’s not your girlfriend?” 

 

His mom is oblivious to the hard set of Dean’s shoulders so he answers slowly, “It’s not like that, ma.” He wheezes again and another crackle tacks itself onto the end of his words. 

 

Dean gets up - and Roman can see that Dean’s wearing the sports top he always wears underneath his football jersey and yesterday’s jeans - and steps over to his bedside. 

 

“Gotta’ clear your chest a bit Ro.” 

 

“Hurts too much.” 

 

Dean leans in, one arm sliding around his back and the other supporting his chest and helps him sit up a little. “Doctor said you have to cough up whatever’s there, clear it to prevent any complications,” Dean rubs his back absentmindedly, “Didn’t think we’d be waiting this long for pain relief though.”

 

Roman ignores the way Dean’s touch burns through the thin material of the hospital gown he’s got on and does his best to cough and clear his chest. It hurts like hell, ribs and chest burning like they’re on fire but he get’s up a load of crap that he spits into one of those stupid cardboard sick bowls and feels a little better for it. 

 

Despite his brother’s caring hands on him, Roman can’t help but want to push them away. He doesn’t want to feel them on his skin, doesn’t want to be reminded of what he once had when he knows that he can’t keep them. But he can’t do anything because every time he moves he hurts and their mom is sitting right there. 

 

“You remember what happened?” Dean finally asks, hands moving away from him and sitting down. 

 

“Remember getting ploughed into the ground, b’that’s it.” 

 

Dean nods, wincing as he remembers it, “One of the huge guys took you out. Charged right across the field to get you. I think I nearly had a heart attack there and then.”  _ But you didn’t have a heart attack when you broke mine.  _

 

“They put you on oxygen on the field, Coach and EMT’s were scared that you’d got a collapsed lung or something but luckily you just had the wind well and truly taken out of your sails.” Roman nods vaguely, then turns towards his mom. 

 

“Where’s dad?” He’d noticed as soon as he’d opened his eyes that his father wasn’t in the room, but he’d hoped that he was getting a drink or had gone to the bathroom, but Roman guesses he should have known better. 

 

“He went home a little while ago. He’ll be back later, honey.” The non committal answer from his mother lets him know that she’s hiding something and confirms the suspicions that had been creeping into his mind. His dad was pissed. Pissed that he’s thrown his Georgia Tech dream away by getting fucking injured in the biggest game of his life. 

 

_ Shit. The game. Coach Gailey. His scholarship.  _ All of it ruined by this, this injury and his inability to just take a hit. Roman feels an indescribable feeling  bubble up inside of him. Feels his skin heating up and his throat clenching. The fact that doing so would hurt immensely is the only thing that stops his body from racking with sobs. 

 

Thankfully a nurse finally enters the room, a little white paper cup with pills inside. She passes them to him silently, along with some water and watches him as he swallows them down one by one. Once he’s done, she takes the paper cup from him and crushes it in her hand and throwing it in the medical bin on the way out without a single word. 

 

“Well she was pleasant.” Dean grumbles and it makes him mom laugh. The two of them make idle conversation as Roman listens intently, trying to drown out the white noise inside his head. He falls asleep at some point because when he opens his eyes again, it’s to the feel of a hand stroking his own. 

 

It’s Dean. His brother has pulled his chair closer to the bed and is scrolling through his phone, their mother no longer present. 

 

The touch burns now he’s aware of it and he snatches his hand away quickly, forgetting about his ribs and causing himself a hell of a lot of pain. Dean looks up at him, discarding his phone in his lap and trying to grab his hand again but Roman’s got them both of them clutching at his ribs. 

 

“Rome.” 

 

“Don’t.” Roman grinds out, teeth clenched in pain. 

 

“Don’t be like this, Roman, let me help.” Roman waves him off. He may have let Dean touch him earlier but he can’t again, can’t willingly let Dean put his hands on his body when they belong to somebody else. To  _ Seth.  _

 

“Don’t fucking touch me.” Every word hurts his body, his lungs, his chest, his  _ heart.  _ Dean sighs, hovering over him before finally sitting back down. The pain in his ribs slowly dissipates, though the slow burn and ache will surely sticking around for a while.

 

“It wasn’t meant to happen that way, just so you know.” Dean says finally. Roman’s eyes flick to his brother, who’s got his eyes cast down to the floor and his unruly hair covering the rest of his face. He takes a deep breath - as much as he can, anyway - and slowly exhales through his nose, his heart beating too wildly in his chest. 

 

“Of course it wasn’t.” He intends for it to sound harsh, intimidating and wholly sarcastic but instead it comes out broken and quiet.

 

“Rome,” Dean looks up at him then, and Roman vaguely wonders whether Dean was planning on telling him at all. Had he planned what to say when the time finally came that he had to admit that he was actually dating Seth and didn’t care about him at all? Maybe he had. Maybe their whole relationship - even their  _ brotherhood  _ \- was based on one big fat lie, maybe Dean never gave a damn about Roman at all. 

 

“Please, you’ve got to listen to me--” 

 

“Ah Roman, you’re awake,” Their mom swings the door to the room open, carrying food and drinks with a slight smile on her face. “How are you feeling?” 

 

“Hurt.” Roman says simply, hoping that it’s heard loud and clear.   

  
  
  


xXx

  
  
  
  


When evening finally rolls around, Roman’s already taken another two sets of medication before he’s wheeled down to the x-ray room. His mom and Dean left just before he was, telling him that they’d be back in the morning. It’s a welcome relief, really. As much as he’d enjoyed - mostly - their company, it was nice to finally have a moment alone and to breathe, even if he does have nurses bustling around him, helping him stand as they position the radiography machine in front of him. 

 

He can stand independently, but it hurts like a bitch and he’s extremely happy when he’s helped back onto the bed and wheeled back to his room. The doctor comes in not long after and explains to him that he does in fact have a pulmonary contusion.

 

“Bruising to the lungs is much better than it collapsing,” The doctor explains, even though Roman’s pretty sure that everyone must know that. “You’re mostly out of the woods which is good, but we will have to monitor you to make sure there are no complications of the contusion. By my prediction, you’ll be home in a couple of days. Your ribs will take the longest to heal, but you will be able to recover from home in about six weeks, give or take.” 

 

Roman nods at the doctor periodically, pretending that he doesn’t know how to look after broken ribs when he’s been playing football since he can remember, just to humor him. 

 

“So will I be able to play football again, with the lung thing?” 

 

“In the long term, most definitely, but I would advise not to play in the next couple of months, just to make sure that the lungs and the ribs are fully healed.” 

 

He supposes that’s good news, but it does mean that he’ll miss the rest of the season. The lady operating room told him that he was lucky that he was a big guy, his ‘extra padding’ was most likely the reason he hasn’t got a collapsed lung, absorbing the impact that his protective gear hadn’t. Maybe there were uses of his awful body afterall. 

 

When the doctor leaves, Roman is left alone in his room staring at the tube lights above him. 

 

Will Georgia Tech still want to take him after getting injured? He’d played the best he ever had up until the point a guy decided to smash into him. There would be no denying that Roman had mostly been the reason why the game was going so well, why they had such a high score. But that doesn’t mean that they’re going to take him. His dad was right when he’d got winded, Georgia Tech didn’t want injured players. 

 

A knock on his door pulls him out of his thoughts and a wide smile spreads across his face for the first time today at the sight of the person behind it. 

 

Calvin pushes the door open and steps into the room, a grin on his own face. 

 

“Nice to see you’re still alive Reigns.” In his hands are some magazines and a box of chocolates and he places them on the desk beside the bed. “I can’t stay long, gotta’ pick my little sister up from her dance class, but I wanted to give you these. How’re you holding up?” 

 

“Doing alright, nothing too serious. Broken ribs, bruised lungs. Down but not out.” 

 

Calvin grins widely again, “S’what I like to hear. But I gotta’ ask you something,” Calvin’s face suddenly turns serious and he sits down in the chair that Dean had left pulled up at the side of the bed. “You and Orton been okay recently?” 

 

Roman’s brow furrows in confusion, “What do you mean?” 

 

“You guys been alright, like you haven’t had a fight or anything, right?” 

 

Roman shrugs, “We haven’t had a fight but he’s been  _ off  _ for the past couple of weeks. Was pissed at me about the swap just before the game too.” 

 

Calvin bows his head, like he’s hearing something he doesn’t want to before sighing and looking back up at Roman. 

 

“He might have something to do with this.” 

 

“With this?” Roman repeats, but motions to himself and his broken ribs. When Calvin nods, Roman’s heart sinks in his chest. “But why, what?” 

 

“I dunno’, but you know, I wasn’t going to let that just hospitalise you so I headed to the other teams locker room after the game. Guy already knew people were going to be on his ass about a tackle like that so he sang like a canary. Told me that some guy from our team paid him off to take you out. He wouldn’t give a name, just said that he was tall and had a face like a slapped arse and came to him about half an hour before the game was due to start, would explain why he was late.” For a moment, Roman sits in shock, the thought of his friend, one of his  _ best  _ friends paying someone to intentionally hurt him makes his gut churn uncomfortably. 

 

“I know it ain’t making any sense bro, but it’s all adding up.” Roman can’t help but nod, because it does. The not turning up to practice, the sniping at lunch, the sneer just before Roman left the locker room. 

 

“I didn’t want to bring you shit news when you’re like this, but you deserve to know.” 

 

“Have you seen him?” Roman asks.

 

Calvin shakes his head, scratching his chin, “Not since before the game. I ain’t said anything to anyone yet but as soon as I get my hands on him the fuckers gonna’ pay.”

 

“Don’t get yourself in trouble over him Johnson, he’s not worth it.” 

 

“Maybe he’s not, but you are. You’re a good guy Roman, ain’t never seen you do a bad thing yet shit always happens to you. I’m on your side, bro, always will be,” Calvin stands from his chair, a small smile returning to his face. “I gotta’ head out, but I promise you that Orton’s got it coming to him, alright?” He sticks his fist and Roman bumps it, a smile tugging at his own lips. 

 

“Thanks Calvin, for everything.” Roman says as he leaves and Calvin waves to him as he leaves. 

 

“Anytime, brother.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bleh i'm just going to apologise for this chapter because it didn't go the way i wanted it to and i rewrote it like 20 times and it just WOULDNT go but this is the happiest i am with it, i guess. hope you enjoy anyway and i promise that we're not going to be in the hospital forever! as always a big thank you for leaving comments and kudos and please continue to do so because i love talking to you all!

It’s fair to say that Roman has a pretty sleepless night, too many thoughts racing around his head. He tries to read some of the magazines that Calvin brought him but he’s too caught up in his own mind to take in anything that they say. He does a lot of watching, watches through the window of the door of all the nurses and doctors who scurry past as the night drags on. 

 

At one point something terrible must happen because all at once there are doctors and nurses rushing down the corridor and he can hear them screaming and shouting at each other to get this and do that. It lasts around twenty minutes before everything goes quiet and the doctors slowly disperse. Sometimes you forget that bad things happen outside of the emergency room. Just because you’re out of there doesn’t mean you’re out of the woods yet. 

 

The whole thing makes him think about Randy and what he’s done for his  _ best friend,  _ someone who he’s been friends with since they were in kindergarten to want to intentionally hurt him. Maybe it wasn’t directly, seeing as Randy wasn’t the one who tackled him so hard that it broke his ribs, but he paid someone to do that for him.  _ Paid  _ someone to  _ hurt  _ his friend for whatever reason. 

 

What if it had been worse? What if he had gotten a collapsed lung, head trauma or spinal injury? What if he’d been paralysed, never to walk again? The thoughts keep Roman up all night, until he slowly watches the clock on the wall ahead of him ticks over to six am and a nurse comes in to give him his medicine. 

 

After that it’s a while before he sees anyone. It’s just past eight am when the door opens and Nikki peeps her head around with a big smile on her face. 

 

“Morning sunshine,” She sing songs, stepping into the room. She’s wearing her gym clothes and Roman can only imagine how many people had heart eyes over her body this morning, being gay doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate that Nikki has a killer figure. Nikki holds up some cards and a bag in her hand, “I come bearing cards and presents. How are you feeling?” 

 

“Honestly? Like crap.” He’s tired because of his lack of sleep and his head hurts because of thinking too much about Randy. And there’s also the small factor of his broken ribs which are still hurting like a bitch despite the pain relief they’re giving him. 

 

Nikki frowns and sets the cards down on the desk alongside the stuff that Calvin brought him last night. She leans down and wraps her arms around his head - because that’s all she can actually do because of how he’s lying - and he breathes out what is a mixture of a sigh and a laugh. He can’t help but sink into her arms, feels good to have someone who cares about him so much just holding him, but he also can’t help but laugh. 

 

“What’s so funny?” Nikki pulls away slightly to study his face and Roman gives a wry smile. 

 

“I’m pretty sure the entirety of the students at school would love to be in my position right now.” 

 

Nikki furrows her eyebrows in confusion, “You’re in a damn hospital bed, Roman.” 

 

“Maybe so, but I basically have my head buried in your tits, so.” Nikki scoffs, flicking his ear before going to pull away but Roman holds onto her arm to keep her in place just a little bit longer, not ready to give up the comfort of his friends arms. 

 

“Got something on your mind?” Roman sighs and closes his eyes, nuzzling just slightly into her. Nikki lays her own head atop his and lets her fingers run through his hair. 

 

“Everything.” 

 

“When are they letting you out of here?” Nikki finally asks when she lets go of him, sitting down in the chair beside his bed. 

 

“Probably tomorrow or something, they just have to make sure that there’s no complications with my lungs.” 

 

“Complications?” Nikki asks wearily, worry etched on her face.

 

“I could get pneumonia and shit like that, but it’s rare.” That seems to relax Nikki a little and a smile settles on her face again as she reaches over and takes the cards she’d brought with her from the bedside desk. 

 

“These were all delivered to my house yesterday, not sure who most of them are from, though.” Roman takes them from her and quickly sifts through them, looking at the various different scrawls of his name on the envelopes. There’s one from Nikki and Brie, obviously, one from John and one from Brie’s boyfriend Daniel. The last card makes his heart hammer slightly in his chest while his brain tries to catch up with the words carefully printed on the inside. 

  
  


**_Roman,_ **

 

**_Get better soon champ._ **

 

**_Love, Seth._ **

  
  


“Are you okay, Roman?” Nikki’s voice pulls him out of the fog that is Seth’s card and it’s only then that he realises that he’s gripping the card so tightly between his fingers that the paper is starting to morph and bend. Roman unclenches his hands and reads the card again, like he expects it to say something different this time. It doesn’t, it still says  _ champ.  _ Still says  _ Love Seth  _ like the guy didn’t walk on him and his brother kissing mere days ago. 

 

Roman swallows thickly before passing the card silently to Nikki. She peers at him before casting her eyes down and reading the words for herself. If Roman could see himself he’d probably say they’re sharing the same expression. 

 

“Is this for real?” Roman considers it, would Seth really send him a card with nice words in it as a way to get back at him for what happened? He doesn’t think so, mainly because it’s a really shit plan but also because Seth doesn’t seem like the type. It makes him feel sick to even think about the events of that evening, but even then Seth hadn’t been all that malicious. If it had have been Roman in Seth’s position, he’s pretty sure that there would have been some fists flying in the air. 

 

“I don’t see why it wouldn’t be.” Roman finally says. Nikki sighs, standing Seth’s card along with the others on the desk. 

 

“Has Dean told you what the fuck he thinks he was doing yet?” 

 

It tugs at Roman’s heartstrings to think about it but he shakes his head. “No,” He shifts a little in the bed, trying to make himself more comfortable before continuing, “He went to say something yesterday but mom walked in before he could really say anything. I don’t know if I even want him to, I don’t want to hear him say that I was just a warm mouth to him while Seth was off studying in the library.”  _ God  _ does it hurt to say that outloud. 

 

Nikki winces, “Roman you’re his brother, you’re more than that.” 

 

Roman laughs bitterly, forgetting about his ribs again and holding onto them when the pain shoots through them, “I’m his brother, no more, no less and I’ve got to accept it.” 

 

Nikki puts a comforting hand on his arm. “You, Roman Reigns, are so, so much more. You are my--” 

 

The door to Roman’s room swings open, clattering against the door stop loudly. Dean steps into the room glaring at Nikki with eyes as intense as a thousand suns. 

 

“How are you even here already?” He grumbles, pulling the chair on the other side of the bed closer to Roman. Nikki scowls, cutting her eyes so much you can pretty much only see the dark slits of her pupils. 

 

“I came from the gym, asshole.” Dean childishly mimics Nikki’s words, rolling his eyes at her. He leans forward in the chair and hands Roman a brown paper bag. 

 

“Brought you some food, the stuff in this place smells like vomit.” Dean is completely ignoring Nikki now, giving Roman a light smile. Nikki is so far away from ignoring Dean, Roman can practically feel the anger radiating off of her. 

 

“You have a lot of nerve, Dean.” 

 

“Excuse me?” 

 

Nikki scoffs and Roman opens the paper bag loudly, hoping that the sound will bring the attention to him and stop his brother and best friend ripping each others throats open in the middle of a hospital. It doesn't. 

 

“How can you waltz in here and act like nothing has happened?” 

 

“Me?” Dean squeaks a little, “How can you sit there looking like some--”

 

“Hey, that’s enough!” Roman cuts in sharply, sensing that Dean was going to take the conversation - insult match - into dark waters. “You,” He says pointing to Dean, “Do not insult her like that, if you don’t have anything nice to say, keep your mouth shut. And you,” he turns to point at Nikki, “I appreciate the concern but try to avoid murdering my brother in the middle of the hospital.” Nikki grins despite his words and thankfully the two of them quieten down enough to allow Roman to eat the food that Dean brought him in relative peace. 

 

After Nikki has brought him up to speed with the latest social developments since Friday, she promises to be back one more time before he’s discharged before saying her goodbyes and leaving him alone with Dean (but not without glaring at him beforehand). 

 

They remain silent even after Nikki leaves and Roman takes a few naps in between the nurses coming in to help him clear his chest and give him his medicine. Dean sits by his side the whole time, scrolling through his phone or reading the magazines Roman had been brought and it comforts him as much as it hurts his heart. No matter what, Dean is still  _ Dean  _ and despite the shit that he does to him, Roman’s body will always respond to him the way it always has. His body knows that Dean is close and it immediately thinks that everything is okay, even though his heart and his head are screaming at him for being so close. 

 

After taking another nap, Roman wakes to a familiar pressure in his bladder. He desperately needs to pee, so he pushes himself into a seated position and slowly starts to maneuver himself off the bed. 

 

“What’re you doing, Rome?” God he wishes Dean would stop calling him Rome. 

 

“Need to pee.” He mumbles, biting his lip and bracing himself for the pain in his ribs as he stands. Dean quickly steps to his side and puts an arm around Roman’s waist to support him. Roman hopes that the hiss that leaves his mouth was because of the pain he’s in and not because Dean’s fingers are so light and soft on his skin. 

 

“M’fine.” 

 

“No, you’re not fine, Roman. Let me help you.” 

 

“I don’t need help.” 

 

“Drop the act Roman, I’m helping you, end of story.” Roman is a little wobbly on his feet because he hasn’t used them properly in almost two days, so maybe it is a good idea to have Dean supporting him like this, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it. 

 

Dean helps him towards the bathroom which is just opposite Roman’s room and helps him inside. Roman’s about to lift his hospital gown up when he realises that he doesn’t actually have anything else on underneath so he turns to Dean expectedly, raising an eyebrow when his brother doesn’t leave the cubicle. 

 

“What?” Dean asks, leaving against the door, “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, Roman.” 

 

Heat flushes through Roman’s body before he grumbles, “Don’t remind me.” He lifts his gown to pee anyway, the desperation outweighing everything else. Dean hisses when he does, the sound mixing with the sounds of liquid hitting more liquid and sounding strange. 

 

“What?” 

 

“Your leg, Ro.” Roman looks at where Dean is pointing and sees a large purple and black bruise on the side of his thigh and crawling all the way up to his hip with yellow tinging the sides. It looks ugly as hell but Roman hadn’t even noticed it. He cleans himself up and Dean helps him towards the sink to wash his hands. His brother doesn’t take his hands off of him the whole time. 

 

“Does it hurt?” Dean asks, fingers sliding from Roman’s waist to his hip where the bruise his hiding underneath the hospital gown. The feeling of Dean’s fingertips on his thigh takes him back to that night, the night when Roman really believed Dean loved him and it sends a shiver down his spine, remembering every feeling of Dean inside of him. 

 

“Dean,” Roman’s voice is almost a whimper, “Please don’t.” 

 

Dean curls his other hand around Roman’s hip and he swears he can feel each individual fingerprint on his skin. “I just want to help you.”

 

“I can’t take it Dean, I can’t.” 

  
“I know,” Dean whispers and Roman can feel his breath ghosting across the back of his neck, “I know.” 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for the delay on this chapter! thursday was a super weird day for me and the week hadn't really been all the great either so i hadn't managed to finish the chapter and i only finished it late last night so i apologise for that! hopefully back to normal schedule next week! im also not super happy with this but i hope you enjoy anyway! also on a side not: to the person who mentioned shipping roman and calvin, thank you for ruining my life! ( jk i am v v thankful)

Things are mostly quiet after that, Dean helps him back to his room but as soon as Roman is able reach the bed, he pushes him away. It’s more harsh than he intends it to be, he is grateful that Dean’s here helping him but his brothers touch burns his skin and he feels like he’s being suffocated. 

 

Dean sighs but doesn’t say anything about it, instead he lets Roman get himself into the bed and settles himself in the chair beside him. 

 

There are words hanging in the air between them, so many of them are on Roman’s tongue but he just can’t get them out. He’s so confused, head spinning at a million miles an hour as he watches Dean out of the corner of his eye. His brother is sitting scrolling absentmindedly through his phone, no trace of emotion on his face. After everything, after what just  _ happened,  _ how can Dean stay so emotionless, so unaffected by it all? Roman’s heart feels like it’s being ripped out of his chest every time he even thinks about Dean and Seth together, so how can Dean just sit there like he hasn’t just had his hands on Roman in a way that he shouldn’t? 

 

Roman sighs heavily and closes his eyes. He can feel a headache coming on so he settles back against the scratchy hospital pillows and tries to think about something other than Dean and the mess that is his love life. 

 

He must fall asleep at some point, because he’s woken up by the sound of harsh, half hushed voices around him.  Roman blinks his eyes open to find that his room has more people in it than it did before he’d dozed off. Dean is still in the room but now he’s joined by both his parents and Coach Helmsley and Mrs Miller. It takes him a second to process everyone in the room before it hits him. 

 

His dad his here and his face looks like he’s about to explode.  _ Shit.  _

 

Coach Helmsley doesn’t look much different and for a moment Roman thinks that he’s in for it, that his dad and coach are going to tell him how much of a failure he is and what the hell was he thinking getting injured at the biggest game of his life. But Coach’s face softens when he sees that Roman is awake. 

 

“Hey, kid, how’re you feeling?” Coach steps to his bedside and offers him a sympathetic smile. 

 

“Still a little sore, actually.” 

 

Coach nods, “That's to be expected, Roman. You took one of the hardest hits I've seen in years.” He pauses and looks briefly to Roman’s father before continuing, “The kid’s been kicked off his team, I know it's not much of a consolation but it's something, at least. And before I forget, I spoke with that head coach at Georgia Tech after the game ended and he wanted me to pass on both his condolences and congratulations, he said you played exceptionally.” 

 

Roman smiles despite the sinking feeling in his chest. “Georgia Tech don’t want injured players, Coach.” He says sadly with a small shrug. He watches as Coach Helmsley’s face scrunched in confusion. 

 

“Who told you that?” Roman's eyes flick to his dad before back to Coach who shakes his head before he can respond. “Whoever said that is an idiot and knows nothing. If Aaron Rodgers can make a comeback to the Green Bay Packers then you can still be considered for a college scholarship. Don't let negative people get in your head, Roman.” 

 

“Where’s that positive attitude from biology gone, Roman?” Mrs Miller chips in grinning at him. He can't really believe that the both of them bothered to come and see him. He smiles back and shrugs. 

 

“Guess it got knocked out of me, miss.” 

 

“I can't believe I go out of town for two days and I come back you in hospital.” 

 

“I can.” His dad grumbles behind her and she turns to glare at him briefly while Roman tries to bite back embarrassment.

 

Coach Helmsley must sense Roman’s discomfort because he's suddenly moving towards Mrs Miller, gently nudging her towards the door. “We should be getting going now, leave you and your family in peace. Just one more question before we go, if you had to choose a temporary captain who would it be?” 

 

That's a question Roman doesn't have to consider. “Johnson.” 

 

Coach grins, “I had a feeling you’d say that. And co captain?” 

 

That takes a little more time but it's still not really a hard question, “Cena or Walker, see what Calvin thinks.” Coach looks a little confused for a moment before he nods and his two teachers bid him farewell and to get better soon. Only a beat passes after their departure before Dean’s voice is cutting through the thick silence of the room. 

 

“Why didn't you pick Randy?” Roman turns to his brother and considers telling him that he didn't pick him because  _ he's  _ the reason why Roman’s in the hospital bed having to replace himself as captain, but that would open up so many questions that he doesn't exactly have the answer too so he opts for the simple answer instead. 

 

“Because he hasn't really been turning up to practices recently, and he was extremely late on Friday. His heart is not in it enough.” 

 

“But he's your best friend, he’s gonna’ be hurt that you didn't choose him.”  _ Best friend?  _ The best friend that possibly paid for someone to injure him, the best friend that hasn't sent him a get well card or come to see him like everyone else? 

 

Roman just shakes his head and doesn't say any of the words that are on the tip of his tongue. 

 

“Then let him be hurt.” 

  
  


xXx

  
  


Roman gets discharged from hospital that evening with a bunch of medication and orders to take it easy for a while. He still kind of needs help walking long distances but he doesn't let anyone know that, especially Dean, and grits his teeth the whole way to the car. 

 

When they make it home he heads straight for his room despite his mom's protests for him to eat some dinner. He's not hungry, really, and he doesn't exactly want to sit with his dad barely speaking to him, his mom fussing over him and Dean pretending like nothing has happened between them.

 

Instead he shuts himself in his room and takes his first dose of medication while watching mindless TV. He sends Nikki a text to let her know that he's out and that he's mostly okay. They share a small conversation that involves Nikki threatening to kill Dean if she ever gets her hands on him and a gracious offer of looking after him whenever he needs her. He's extremely grateful, he really is. 

 

Monday morning rolls around uncomfortably, the dull, throbbing pain in Roman’s ribs made it hard to sleep but he gently gets himself out of bed anyway and heads for the shower. It's difficult, and he finally gets to see the mess the tackle has made of his body but he instantly feels better when the hot water soothes his muscles. He throws on last years football jersey and his most decent pair of sweatpants, just because he doesn't want anything tight clinging to his bruised and sore body if he's going to be at school all day. 

 

Roman slowly makes his way down the stairs and he can hear Dean and their mom talking quietly in the kitchen. He can't hear what they're saying so he pushes the door open and steps in slowly to see his dad sitting at the table drinking coffee and reading a newspaper while Dean and their mom are leant against the kitchen counter. 

 

“Roman?” His mom raises an eyebrow with a shocked expression on her face, “What are you doing up?” 

 

He reaches into the cupboard to get a glass and hisses at the pain in his ribs, “Going to school.” He says through gritted teeth and steps over to the fridge. Dean beats him too it, though, and pours Roman a glass of juice despite Roman’s protests that he can do it himself. 

 

“Honey you are in no fit state to go to school.” 

 

Roman rolls his eyes, “I'm fine, ma.” 

 

“You have broken ribs! You are not going to school!” 

 

“He’s fine.” His dad huffs, eyes not looking up from the newspaper. 

 

“Sika he only got out of the hospital yesterday.” 

 

His dad finally looks up from the paper, face stormy as he cuts his eyes at his wife. “And he spent two days longer in there than he needed. He's fine, if he wants to go to school let him, stop babying him.” 

 

His mom looks shocked and almost looks like she's going to protest but Roman stops her with a shake of his head. 

 

“I'm going to school ma, I'm fine, promise,” Roman finishes up his orange juice and scoops his bag from the floor and heads towards the door. He can't not go to school, even if his ribs do still hurt like hell. Finals are literally a couple of weeks away and he can't take time off and miss potentially critical last minute information. He's got good pain medicine, he’ll be fine. 

 

“Dean look after your brother, please.” 

 

“Of course, mom.” 

 

“I don't need looking after!” Roman snaps on his way out of the house. Dean is hot on his heels, catching the door before it can slam. 

 

“Why is it so hard for you to accept help?” 

 

Roman narrows his eyes as he slowly slips his bag straps over his shoulder and tries to avoid his ribs. “I'm not a damn charity case.” 

 

“You're hurt, Roman.” 

 

“You don't say.” 

 

“Roman,” 

 

“Listen I don't need or want help, okay? I especially don't want it from you.” Roman spits harshly, not being able to stop the words from spiralling out of his mouth. Dean's own mouth opens to respond but he quickly snaps it shut, like he can't think of how to respond. They're silent for the rest of the way to school and when they make it their they part ways mostly in silence, despite Dean tentatively asking Roman once more if he’ll be okay. With a nod of his head Roman heads off in the opposite direction and tries to ignore the burning pain in his ribs. 

 

He slips into the room while Mrs Miller has her back turned because he just  _ knows  _ that she will chew him out for being here too and he almost succeeds in getting to his seat without her noticing but Enzo has to open his Goddamn mouth before he makes it. 

 

“Yo Reigns! Realist guy in the room or what, how’re ya feelin?” Mrs Miller turns her attention to him as soon as the words leave his mouth. Her eyes widen a little at the sight of him but she doesn't say anything, only turns to the board and starts writing on it. 

 

“Little sore but I'm alright, thanks.” 

 

“Awesome,” Enzo drawls, “For a minute I thought you were a goner.” 

 

“So did I, Zo, so did I.” 

 

It's hard to concentrate on what Mrs Miller says because of the constant aching pain in his ribs but Roman manages to get all of the notes down and take at least some it in, it's better than staying at home and getting nothing, anyway. 

 

Roman sits through another two periods which go much like the first, everyone asking him how he is and how they were sure they'd witnessed murder, before he can get away and break for lunch. As usual Nikki meets him at his locker - and she’s already promised not to have a go at him for being here - and the two of them walk slowly towards the canteen. Multiple people stop them on the way to ask how he is and how he can already be back at school but eventually they make it inside and to the table. 

 

Roman nearly gasps out loud when Randy looks at him. His whole face is marred with ugly cuts and bruises and his left eye is swollen to the point of it nearly being closed shut, but the wounds aren't fresh. 

 

“Holy shit,” Nikki exclaims, helping Roman ease down onto the bench, “What happened to you?” 

 

“Fight.” Randy grumbles. 

 

“With who?” Nikki questions, worry etched all over her face. Roman can pretty much guess who had involvement in it.

 

“He won't tell us.” John answers for Randy, who's suddenly got preoccupied with his food. 

 

Randy’s eyes flick to Roman’s before he looks away again, “It's no big deal.” 

 

“Randy have you seen your face? Of course it's a big deal!” Brie squeaks but Randy waves her off. 

 

“Just drop it, okay?” 

 

Conversation turns to Roman’s injury and the game but Roman pays them no mind, he's too busy trying to ignore his ribs and Dean and Seth sitting opposite him. 

He’s only brought out of his own mind when he hears his voice being called from across the canteen. It's familiar and Roman can't help but crack a smile. 

 

“Hey Calvin, what's up?” Calvin plonks himself down on the bench beside Roman - being mindful not to jostle him - and grins. 

 

“What’re you doing here bro? You should be resting at home!” 

 

“I'm good, ain't no need to worry about me.” 

 

“I'd be milking that shit for all its worth.” 

 

“I know, because you're a drama queen.” 

 

“I'm not the queen,” Calvin’s grin gets wider, “I'm the motherfuckin King, Helmsley made me captain!” 

 

Roman grins too, “I know that too.” 

 

Calvin’s face freezes for a second before his eyes are sparkling and he's laughing. “It was you, wasn't it? Coach said someone put in a good word for me and it was you?” 

 

Roman shrugs but his grin doesn't falter, “Maybe.” 

 

“I should have known. You're an angel, anyone ever tell you that?” 

 

“Not really, no.” 

 

“Well I’m telling you that you are.” Someone calls Calvin from across the canteen and he signals something to them before turning back to Roman. 

 

“Seriously Roman, thank you. It honestly means alot to me and I promise that I'll try and be as good a captain as you.” 

 

“I know you will be, Cal.” Calvin gets up to leave and he and Roman knock their fists together, but before he leaves, Calvin turns back and his lips curl into a smirk. 

 

“Oh and Randy, you should probably put some ice on your face, looks kinda sore.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken me so long to get this up, I hit a bit of a rough patch so I hope this doesn't suck! Warnings for sexism and emotional abuse so if you don't want to read, turn away now! Exams are quick approaching so things may get even more patchy in the next couple of weeks so just bare with me! In the mean time talk to me on tumblr! psychrollins.

Despite the medication, Roman’s ribs still hurt when finals roll around two weeks later. His mom tells him it’s because he did too much too soon and after the third time she says it, Roman tells her they’ve stopped hurting just so he doesn’t have to hear it again. He’s out of the medication the hospital gave him so he’s relying on Tylenol now, but it just doesn’t take the pain away like the stronger stuff. 

 

It gets so bad in the middle of finals that he almost passes out mid-test, the pain from being hunched over a desk the whole week being almost too much to bear; but he doesn’t tell anyone. He can’t tell anyone because he knows that if he does, they’ll make him go back to the hospital and if Georgia Tech get wind that he’s not recovering quickly, they might not give him a scholarship. Roman can’t let that happen, not after everything. 

 

Roman’s finals don’t go as great as he’d hoped they would but they don’t go horrendously like he’d imagined them to at the start of the semester. He’s still in pain by the end of them but the physical pain he’s in is nothing compared to the way his heart aches when his mom announces that to celebrate her boys getting through finals they’re going to have a huge family dinner. It sounds nice until she grins widely and tells Dean to invite Seth so that they can welcome him to the family. 

 

Family time is meant to be family time, not invite the boyfriend over time. They’d always been told that no one from school was allowed over at the weekend - and neither of them had ever made the habit of having anyone over period, because they had each other. But Seth’s part of the family now, isn’t he? It doesn’t matter that he and Dean have only been public about their relationship for a few weeks, it’s time for the family blessing. Whoopty fucking do. 

 

Roman makes sure to skip lunch that Friday, if he’s going to have to sit and watch the two of them be happy boyfriends on Saturday then he doesn't want to have to sit through them more than he has to the day before hand. He hides in the library and ignores all of Nikki’s phone calls and text messages asking where he is and tries not to think about everything that’s wrong with his life, like his ribs and his brother and how he answered a really important question on his biology final really stupidly wrong. 

 

He hides again as soon as he gets home, does his homework and sits clutching his ribs while playing video games. Roman’s phone buzzes a lot but he ignores it, it’s mostly just texts from Nikki and a couple from John telling him that Calvin makes a great captain, but he - along with Coach - has kicked Randy from the team. Roman grins and can’t find it in himself to care that his ‘best friend’ no longer has a place on the football team. He shoots a simple  **‘** **_thank you bro’_ ** text to Calvin and gets a  **‘:)’** in response. 

 

Roman’s evening passes in quiet, mild discomfort from his ribs and he takes more Tylenol before he goes to sleep. He knows that his broken ribs should be starting to heal by now. The doctor had said that it would take about six weeks for them to fully heal, but it's been two and still the pain hasn't let up. He knows he should tell someone so that whatever it is can be fixed, but it would cost him too much, Roman would lose everything he’s been working for and he can’t let that happen. 

 

When the morning light rolls around, Roman shifts awake uncomfortably. He hates sleeping in his back, it always makes him ache something terrible, but the pain in his ribs prevents him from sleeping on his side, so his whole body is aching and sore and he feels sick. It doesn’t help that he still hasn’t gotten used to sleeping alone again. He gets up and takes more Tylenol, although there isn’t many left in the packet and he should have brought more on the way home from school yesterday. He hopes that his mother has some in her first aid kit, he can pretend he has a headache when he needs them. 

 

Downstairs his mother is pottering about in the kitchen already and Dean is sitting at the table eating cereal. His hair's a mess of blonde, fluffy curls and his eyes are still full of sleep. Roman has to tear his eyes away for a dull ache starts to pull at his chest and goes to the cupboard to get his own cereal. 

 

“Morning honey, are you feeling okay? You were in your room all night.” His mom studies his face, trying to look for any signs of illness and he prays that he can keep the pain and discomfort from his features. 

 

“Fine ma, just tired.” He wonders how long he will be able to keep this ‘tired’ facade going now that finals are over. 

 

“Will you be okay to help me today? Dean is out with Seth and your dad is, well you know what he’s like.” 

 

Roman’s heart clenches a little at how ‘family’ day  has been turned on its head with the addition of Seth. They would never have been allowed out before. He nods anyway, he has nothing better to do. 

 

“Thank you sweetie.” She kisses his cheek and goes back to her milling about. Roman sits down at the table with Dean and keeps his eyes on his breakfast. 

 

“Are you okay?” Dean whispers. Roman looks up at his brothers seemingly worried face and then back down. He can’t bare to see the pity there. 

 

“Fine.” 

 

“You don’t look fine.” 

 

“Well I am.” His brother goes to speak again but Roman just gives him a stern look and his mouth clamps shut. They finish their breakfast in silence, mostly, apart from when their mother speaks to them. 

 

Roman excuses himself first, tells his mom he’s going to take a quick shower and will then be down to help. The shower helps his muscles relax a little and helps the aches in his body subside. But he feels sick when he catches sight of himself in the mirror. The large bruise that is on his thigh has turned a horrible colour and all Roman can see and feel is Dean’s fingertips pressed against it in the hospital. His body is disgusting, all flabby and marred from years of football and the toll of the injury. He was stupid to ever think that Dean would ever want him over Seth. 

 

Roman quickly wraps a towel around his middle and rushes from the bathroom to his bedroom. It’s always a dangerous venture, his dad could be there to ask him  _ “are high school footballers really meant to be this big?”  _ or his mom to pinch his cheeks and coo at his squidgy baby fat. Or worse, Dean could be there and he’d remind him of how much better looking Seth is than him. 

 

He makes it safely to his room, though, and he changes quickly realising that he’d spent longer in the shower than he’d planned. Roman throws on an old baggy shirt and his sweatpants before checking his phone. 

 

There’s a knock at his door before it opens. 

 

“Rome?” Roman turns towards the door where Dean is standing dressed in dark jeans and a t shirt with some stupid slogan on it. His hair isn’t as messy and the sleep has gone from his eyes but he looks just as adorable as he did at breakfast. 

 

“Yeah?” He mumbles, once again tearing his eyes away from his brother and going back to scrolling through his phone. Dean sighs and steps into the room, shutting the door behind him. 

 

“Can we talk?” Roman bristles instantly. He’s backed into a corner, there’s no way he can run away from this, can’t avoid having ‘the talk’ with Dean any longer. He tries anyway. 

 

“About what? I have to go help mom.” 

 

Dean gives him a look, “Mom can wait. This is important Roman.” 

 

“Go on then.” Roman sits on his bed, prepares himself for what he’s going to hear.  _ I’m sorry but Seth’s just better than you. He’s going places Roman, you’re not. Look how beautiful and smart he is. I can’t give that up for you, do you understand?  _

 

“Are you okay with Seth coming tonight?” It’s not what Roman expects and his eyes shoot open wide. 

 

He stumbles to get any words out, “I uh, I don’t really have a choice?” 

 

Dean frowns, “That’s not true.” 

 

“Mom and dad want him to meet the family.” He doesn’t know why he says it, it isn’t a question, just a statement said into the air to fill a gap. 

 

Dean bows his head and speaks in a quiet voice. “I really like him, Ro.”  _ I really like you too.  _ Roman’s head screams and he almost winces,  _ I love you!  _

 

“I know.” He says back. 

 

Dean looks up at him. “It wasn’t meant to be this way.” 

 

“I know.” Roman says again, but he doesn’t know, does he? What other way was it supposed to be? Roman stands, he can’t bear to hear any more of this, can’t hear Dean letting him go anymore. 

 

Roman clears his throat as he steps past Dean. “Could you do me a favour?” 

 

Dean’s eyes consider him carefully. “Of course.” 

 

Roman scratches the back of his neck as he talks quietly. “Could you get me some Tylenol while you’re out? I er, have a headache.” 

 

Dean frowns once more, “I think mom has some?” 

 

Roman closes his eyes, he hates begging. “Please Dean?” 

 

“Okay Ro, I’ll get you some.” 

  
  


xXx

  
  


It’s a pretty quiet and relaxing day all things considered. Even though the only thing on his mind is Dean’s quiet voice saying  _ ‘I really like him, Ro.’  _ his mother’s instructions and tasks somehow prevent him from crying. He doesn’t know why he’s upsetting him so much.  _ Of course  _ Dean likes Seth, he wouldn’t be dating him if he didn’t. But the admission makes it so much more real. Like Dean saying it is not only the nail in the coffin, but the undertakers lowering him into the ground of reality and throwing six foot of dirt on him that screamed  _ ‘You’re nothing to him. He doesn’t love you!.’  _ Or maybe it’s because he still doesn’t really have an answer to why Dean did what he did in the first place. 

 

By the end of the afternoon, Roman and his mom have cooked all the food and set up the table outside. His ribs are killing him and it’s such a relief when Dean and seth walk through the door and his brother hands him the medication. He gets a worried look when he quickly opens up the packet and swallows two down immediately while his mom is fussing over Seth. 

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

 

Roman takes another gulp of water to get rid of the pill taste. “Just peachy.” 

 

Their father comes in from wherever he’s been all day then, makes a big deal about introducing himself to Seth even though Roman’s pretty sure they’ve met before. It’s so strange to see his father so smiley and happy about something other than cars and motorbikes, but then again, it’s to do with Dean so maybe that’s why. 

 

Things get even more sickly when the rest of Roman’s family arrive - his aunt, uncle and cousins -, they all coo over Seth and can’t stop saying how cute the two of them and how lovely it is that Dean has found such a lovely, handsome young man. Roman wants to puke. 

 

He busies himself with helping his mom dish out the food and ignores the talk of medical school and Dean and Seth leaving together. 

 

He has to stop ignoring them when the conversation somehow turns to him.

 

“Patricia,” His aunt says, “that was wonderful.” She motions down to her empty plate and his mother grins. 

 

“You should be complementing Roman, that was much of his work.” His mother looks proud, but Roman already wishes that she hadn’t said anything. 

 

Roman’s aunt gives him a smile but he can see his father and uncle scowling from the corner of his eye. “Perhaps cooking is your hidden talent, Roman.” 

 

His dad snorts, “I’m sure he’d end up messing it up in the long run,” Then he shakes his head, “A man's place is not in the kitchen anyway.” Roman inwardly groans, watches as Dean sinks lower in his chair and Seth looks like he’s been slapped in the face. 

 

Before anyone can comment, Roman’s uncle speaks up. “The Georgia Tech dream out of the window then, kid?” 

 

Roman clears his throat, dry from not having said much the whole night. “Not necessarily, no. Coach says that they’ll still consider me as long as I’m healing up, which I am.” The latter part is a lie, but they don’t have to know that. 

 

“Please son, you really think that one of the best college football teams in the country want a guy who can’t even take a tackle? You’re weak. They don’t want weak players.” The words coat Roman like a thick layer of tar, suffocate him. 

 

“Roman’s pretty strong, actually.” For a moment, Roman is confused as to who’s talking, the voice is so unfamiliar in this family setting, so unlike someone to stand up for him. 

 

“The guy who tackled Roman easily had thirty pounds on him. I don’t think anyone would have stood up unharmed from that. I saw it, Dean saw it, there was nothing Roman could have done any different to stop it. And besides, Roman owned the game until that point, if the Coach was watching with the same eyes we had, he’d have seen that Roman carried the game and his injury was a freak accident.” A heavy silence follows, his whole family looking at Seth and Roman’s blood runs cold and hot in equal measures. Cold because someone dared to stand up to his father, cold because this is  _ Seth,  _ who he’s supposed to  _ hate,  _ but an undeniable warmth spreads through him. Someone stood up for him. Seth stood up for him. 

 

Finally his dad speaks, gives Roman a harsh look as he does so. “Is that so?” Roman only shrugs in reply, he knows better that to say anything to that. When his father looks away, goes back to talking to Roman’s uncle about some car part that he needs, Roman shoots Seth an appreciative smile and gets one back in return. For a moment, Roman feels okay, feels a warmth engulf him. It doesn’t last long, though, shattered again when he stands to help clear the table and a sharp pain stabs his ribs, reminding him that if they don’t heal soon his dreams are well and truly over. 

 

~

 

If Seth wasn’t hard enough to hate already, tonight is making it harder. Roman’s just been to the toilet when he hears Seth and Dean talking in Dean’s room. 

 

“Are your family always this intense?” 

 

“They like you, they’re going to make a big fuss of you.” 

 

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Seth’s voice is muffled for a second, then comes back, “I mean with Roman.” 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“Why didn’t you stick up for him?” Seth seems to ignore Dean’s question and Roman’s ears perk in interest. He keeps one eye on the stairs while focusing on the conversation, cautious of being caught eavesdropping. 

 

“You don’t know my family, Seth.” 

 

“Well I’m starting too, and the way your father treated him was  _ wrong.  _ You know that what happened in that game wasn’t his fault, yet you didn’t stick up for him.” 

 

Roman hears Dean sigh faintly. “It’s complicated.” he practically hears Seth rolls his eyes. 

 

“He’d do it if it were you, complicated or not.” And it’s the truth, he would. 

 

“Can we please not talk about this anymore?” Roman hears them shuffle about and he takes that as his cue to leave, and heads into his room. He takes another two Tylenol and lies down. His head hurts and he’s terribly confused. Seth, of all people, fighting his corner, telling  _ Dean  _ to stick up for him? Roman shakes his tired head and tries not to think about what the hell any of this means. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say a big thank you for how patient everyone is with me on this fic. My exams are three days away so things are literally piling on top of me and i'm like !!!!! but it will all be over soon and we'll hopefully be able to get back to regular scheduling. This is a bit of a filler chapter, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Let me know what you think by leaving a comment or kudos, I love hearing what you have to say! As always, you can reach me at my tumblr, psychrollins.

Roman’s eighteenth birthday is three days before prom and he wishes he could have enjoyed the run up to it more. He hadn’t even thought about it it until the night before, with everything going on and trying to do well in school and this stupid injury and  _ Dean.  _

 

His mom wakes him up on the morning with her special pancakes with a candle in the shape of the number eighteen. Dean trails in behind her looking too God damn adorable with his sleep mussed up hair and a package under his arm. They sing happy birthday to him and force him to make a wish. 

 

Roman wishes for his ribs to heal and for Dean to love him. He’s not sure either of them will come true though. 

 

Like last year (and every year since Dean’s been able to get Roman his own gift), Dean insists that Roman open his first. Roman’s heart hammers in his chest as he unravels  the paper, Dean nearly bouncing with excitement beside him. Inside the wrapping is this seasons Chicago Bears jersey, the one Roman had been saving up for since  _ last season.  _ He turns to Dean in shock, it’s even printed, his name on the back with the number he has in the school team. 

 

“What the hell Dean?” Is all Roman can say. Dean is beaming at him like he’s the one who's received the gift. 

 

“Happy birthday Ro.” 

 

He’s still in shock while opening his other gifts from his parents (which mostly include things Roman is going to need for college, and he can’t but feel sick at the thought that it could all be wasted money if he doesn’t get in.) 

 

After his mom gushes about how her baby is growing up and she can’t believe he’s  _ a man now,  _ she leaves he and Dean in his room, surrounded by scrunched up paper, gifts and cards. Roman’s got the jersey sitting in his lap and he’s running his fingers over the navy lettering of his number. 

 

“This is too much, Dean.” He can’t look at his brother in the eyes. There’s a lump in his throat and he can’t help but be confused. Dean wouldn’t get him something so expensive, so personal, if he didn’t care about him, would he? 

 

“S’not, Rome. It’s what you wanted. You deserve it.” Roman does look up then, sees his brother smiling softly at him. He wishes he could hate him, for everything he’s done he wishes that he could look at him and not have his heart flutter in his chest every time he smiles. But he can’t. Roman loves him and  _ that’s  _ what he hates. 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

Dean just grins at him - and why is this so easy for him, pretending like nothing has ever happened, like everything is the same as before he kissed him? - “Put it on, yeah? Wanna’ see it on you.” 

 

Roman hesitates slightly before slowly slipping his arms through his pyjama shirt and pulling it over his head. He hisses slightly, his ribs flaring in pain and reminding him that he hasn’t taken any pain relief this morning and that he really fucking should. 

 

“Are you okay?” Concern is evident in Dean’s voice as Roman carefully slips the jersey over his head and slips his arms in. It’s a couple sizes too big for him, the way he likes it, and another wave of butterflies erupt in Roman’s chest at how Dean’s gone to such great lengths to get him something he’ll love. 

 

“M’ fine, just sore.” Roman lies. He’s way more than sore, but he doesn’t want to ruin this peaceful moment with the truth. Dean buys it, thankfully, and goes back to admiring the jersey. 

 

“Looks great, Ro. You’ll be wearing pads under it in no time.” 

 

“You think?” 

 

“Of course, you’re gonna’ be a better version of Rex Grossman.” Roman can’t help but let out a slight laugh, ironic really, seeing as he’s injured too. 

 

Dean spares a glance at Roman’s desk clock and pushes himself from the bed, “Meet you downstairs in twenty birthday boy, or we’ll be late for school.” Dean plods out of his room and Roman tries not to miss his presence next to him as soon as his brother is gone. His mind is giving him serious whiplash. He’s gone from not wanting to be near him,  _ it nearly physically hurting to be touched by him,  _ to suddenly wishing that he’d be next to him again. 

 

Is this how whipped he is? That one act of kindness, one act of  _ love,  _ is all it takes for Roman to be putty in his hands again? He hates himself. 

 

He tries to push the thoughts away and leans over to his drawer to pull out his Tylenol. He has to hold his ribs for support as he does so, has to hold them while he swallows them down and for a moment after to let the pain subside before he begins to scoop up all of the wrapping paper from his bed. 

 

Roman shoves it all in his waste paper bin and quickly heads to the bathroom to wash and brush his teeth so he’s not late for school. 

 

Downstairs his dad wishes him a happy birthday and even manages to smile at him a little bit before Dean drags him gently towards the door, repeating that if they do not leave now, they’re going to be  _ late.  _

 

The walk to school is quiet and it’s mostly Dean who talks, but at least it’s not the horrible, tension filled silence it had been for a while. They split as soon as they reach school, Dean has History over on the back blocks, and Roman has English on the front ones. He still has a little time before first bell, so he heads to his locker to get rid of some of the weight in his bag. 

 

Nikki is standing there and she grins widely at him as he approaches. 

 

“Happy birthday handsome!” She holds a gift bag out to him and he accepts it gratefully, he’s long stopped telling her that “she shouldn’t have,” because it only gets him a slap when he does. 

 

He takes the carefully wrapped gift out of the bag and pulls the wrapping off of it. Roman can’t help but smile widely at it. It’s a beautiful navy blue silk tie with a tie clip studded with diamantes, to match Nikki’s prom dress. 

 

“I didn’t know whether you had a tie or not, but I’d already bought you the clip and wanted to get you something else so,” Nikki shrugs, but she’s smiling and Roman kisses her on the forehead. 

 

“I love it, thank you.” He places it carefully back into the gift bag and tucks it into his locker. There’s another wrapped gift inside, and he doesn’t understand how it got in there but he pulls it out anyway and inspects the wrapping paper. There’s a card taped to the front with his name scrawled messily over the front. He has no idea who it could be from. 

 

“Cool shirt, by the way.” Nikki says, touching the fabric of his sleeve. He decided to keep the jersey on this morning. 

 

“Thanks, Dean got it me.” 

 

Nikki’s face changes. “Dean got it you?” 

 

Roman sighs, shoving his books for his later periods inside his locker. “Yeah.” 

 

“Is that why you look so happy this morning?” 

 

“It’s my birthday Nik, I’m going to be at least cheerful on my birthday.” 

 

“But you’re practically glowing, like you were when you and he were a thing. Don’t tell me that you’ve forgiven him just because he got you a neat shirt.” 

 

First bell rings, effectively saving him from getting slaughtered by his best friend. Roman tucks the unknown gift under his arm, ready to open in his class, and closes his locker. Nikki is giving a hard stare and God if looks could kill. 

 

“I’m tired of being angry all the time, Nikki.” Which is kind of true, he is, but he can’t tell her that he’s just inexplainably in love with his brother that something small has him running back to him like a little bitch. She really would kill him then. 

 

“And I’m tired of you getting hurt, Roman. He’s going to hurt you again and you know it.” 

 

Roman kisses his friend’s forehead and mumbles against her, “I won’t let him, don’t worry.” Before backing away and heading to his first class, ignoring the dull ache in his ribs. 

 

He takes a seat at the back of the class, right behind Baron Corbin, one huge mother fucker, so he can open the present that was left in his locker. The class is chatting loudly, thankfully, and he manages to tear open the envelope to the card without anyone hearing. 

  
  


**_Happy birthday Roman!_ **

 

**_Hope you find some use out of the book. You’re strong and everyone knows it._ **

 

**_Love,_ **

 

**_Seth._ **

 

Roman’s brow creases in confusion. He hasn’t seen Seth since the weekend, when he’s stuck up for him in front of his family. Seth had left pretty early in the morning, before Roman had had a chance to say thank you, and the whole thing still confuses him, as to why he would do that. 

 

He sets the card down and quickly tears the paper open while the class is still in raucous discussion. Inside is a book, as mentioned in the card, and a smile breaks out on Roman’s face as he reads the title. ‘ _ 100 Ways to Politely Tell Your Parents to Suck it.’  _

 

Before he has a chance to flick through it, the teacher bargest through the door looking redder than a tomato with books and papers shoved under his arms, so Roman place the book, card and wrapping paper in his bag before he sees. 

 

Roman appreciates the gift, but it only adds to his confusion. Seth hasn’t been malicious to him at all, wasn’t even malicious to him when he caught him and Dean kissing. It was  _ Dean  _ he told to go fuck himself, not Roman. And then afterwards, he hadn’t said anything to him. Sent him a get well card in the hospital, defended him in front of his family. And now this, an extremely witty, thoughtful present and card. 

 

Is this really how you treat someone who your boyfriend cheated on you with? If Roman were Seth, he’s pretty sure there would have been fists flying on more than one occasion. But Seth has been nothing but nice to him. 

 

The thought passes through Roman’s mind that it could all be an act, but for what, Roman doesn’t know. And Seth’s always been a nice guy, really, and it’s why he’s always found him so hard to hate other than for the fact that he has something that Roman wants. 

 

Sighing, Roman tries to push the thoughts from his mind and concentrate on what the teacher is saying. It doesn’t go in, but Roman doesn’t really care. 

 

His morning classes drag on and the hunching over the desks makes his ribs burn and ache uncomfortably. He takes a Tylenol just before leaving the classroom of his last period before lunch and then heads towards the cafeteria. 

 

The group, minus Randy who is nowhere to be seen, make a big fuss of him, handing him cards and presents and sprinkling confetti - Brie’s idea - into his hair. 

 

He’d forgotten what it was like to smile like this, hasn’t since before the  _ thing  _ happened. He feels good. 

 

So good, in fact, that when they’re all going separate ways to their afternoon classes, he waits until Dean has disappeared then grabs hold of Seth and walks beside him despite the fact this class is in completely the opposite direction to Roman’s.

 

“I uh, want to say thanks, for the present. And the card in the hospital. And for sticking up for me the other night.” 

 

Seth just smiles warmly at him, it reaches his eyes and Roman can’t sense an ounce of foul play there. “Don’t mention it. Your family are, intense.” He worries his lip between his teeth.

 

“You’ll get used to it.” And Roman ignores the way it hurts his chest to say that, because it implies that Seth and Dean are going to be together for a while, and that hurts him no matter how nice Seth is to him. 

 

“Are they always like that with you?” 

 

_ Yes.  _ Roman shrugs, plays it down, “More so with the whole scholarship thing, they just want me to do well.” Seth studies his face, like he’s looking for a lie, like he doesn’t believe him. But he doesn’t say anything. Roman stops walking when they get to the set of stairs that leads to Seth’s classroom. 

 

“Thanks again, I appreciate it.” He starts to back away, readjusting his bag on his good side, and almost misses Seth’s “Don’t worry about it, Rome.” as he turns the corner. 

 

Roman lets out a long breath when he’s out of sight. Talking to Seth like nothing has happened wasn’t exactly hard, per se, but it’s  _ weird.  _ Like the whole night had just been erased in one morning. 

 

But it doesn’t matter how many times he plays it off, talks to Seth, laughs with Dean, nothing is going to stop his heart from hurting when he’s alone. When all he can think about is how the one thing he wanted was ripped away from him. That he loves Dean but Dean loves Seth. 

 

Roman scrubs a hand over his face and pushes himself to start walking to Biology. Enzo somehow shows up out of nowhere, appearing at his side like he materialised there and asks in one of his weird ways, how Roman’s birthday was going. 

  
He considers him thoughtfully, and lets out a huff. “Strange, Zo’, very strange.”  


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Coughs* I wasn't supposed to take a whole month to update but post exam slump and saltyness was a bitch. Sorry! Anyway, it's prom night so get your nice clothes on! This chapter is a little short, but hopefully I'll update midweek with the next chapter. Hope you enjoy! As always, comments and kudos are wonderful and if you wanna chat, i'm on tumblr @ psychrollins. (Also not sure how proms actually work because I missed mine, so... Yeah.)

“You know when they said that we should all get ready together, I didn’t think they meant that we would have to sit here for an  _ hour  _ waiting for them to even finish their make up.” Daniel grumbles, checking his watch for the umpteenth time already. Roman lets out a laugh and can do so without any pain because he took four Tylenol about an hour ago, although if he’d known that he’d be sitting in Nikki and Brie’s dressing room for so long he would have waited a while. 

 

He and Daniel have been sitting on bean bags for the good part of an hour, waiting as Nikki and Brie sit at their dressing tables in robes while applying their make up and doing their hair. He and Daniel have been dressed since they got here and the girls still haven't and Daniel is starting to get bored. 

 

“We can hear you.” Brie sings at her boyfriend, not taking her eyes off the mirror. She's doing some fancy, precise shit with her eyes and Roman can't help but be impressed and a little intrigued by it. 

 

“Good!” Daniel says dramatically, “Why do you need all this make up anyway? You're beautiful without it.” 

 

“Because I like to wear it, it's fun and it makes me feel good. Now shut up and don't make me ruin my eyeliner because I will kill you.” Daniel raises his hands in mock defense and shuts up. Roman grins and watches as Nikki weaves intricate braids into the top of her head, make up already applied flawlessly. She's been quiet the whole evening, concentrating on getting ready while Brie and Daniel bickered the whole time. 

 

Once she's done with her hair, braids secured with some weird smelling spray, Nikki steps into the walk in closet and without bothering to close the door slips out of her robe. Underneath she's wearing nothing but pretty, sheer black lace underwear and for a moment Roman wishes that his dick would twitch in interest. Nikki is by far the most beautiful girl he's ever saw and he knows that pretty much every guy and a handful of girls would kill to be sitting where he is now. But all Roman can seem to think about it how Dean is at home with Seth getting ready themselves, and how Dean would look just standing in his underwear while putting on his smart suit. 

 

Roman is pulled out of his thoughts by Nikki’s sweet voice. 

 

“Ro, will you come and zip me up, please?” He pushes himself up, one arm braced around his ribs for support and steps over the plush carpet to the walk in closet where Nikki is standing. 

 

Finding Nikki sexually attractive would make everything a little easier. He already adores her, knows she would make the most wonderful girlfriend to anybody, but he can't force himself into something, especially involving someone he cares about as much as he does Nikki. 

 

Roman tugs on the zipper while Nikki holds her hair out of his way. 

 

“You look beautiful, Nik.” 

 

She turns around and smiles, “Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself.” She straightens his tie a little and then gives his arm an affectionate squeeze before stepping away and going to a shelf which holds an impressive array of shoes. She pulls out some simple navy blue heels and slips them on, inspecting herself in the mirror opposite. At that, Brie steps in, and Roman takes that as his cue to rejoin Daniel on the bean bags. 

 

“I swear by the time they're done, prom will be over and all of this will have been for nothing.” 

 

Roman laughs and eases himself down, “Just appreciate the effort buddy, it'll get you much further, I promise.” 

  
  


X

  
  


When they arrive, Roman is quietly impressed by how the prom committee have decorated their school hall. It doesn't look anything like it had the day previous, an array of maroon and white colours strewn everywhere, from balloons to banners and streamers. The pride of their colours is overwhelming. 

 

Most people are already here, music blaring as a few people have already made their way to the dance flop while others mingle and talk and get pictures taken. 

 

Roman spots Dean immediately, standing in the corner with Seth nursing a drink. They're wearing matching suits, mostly, with inverted colour schemes. While Seth wears a black suit with a maroon shirt and white tie, Dean has on a black suit with a white shirt and a maroon tie. It's sickening sweet. 

 

As soon as Seth spots them, he beckons them over and Roman and Nikki follow Brie and Daniel reluctantly. 

 

“Well don't you all scrub up nicely?” He says cheerfully as Brie and Nikki hug him. 

 

Roman can't take his eyes off Dean. He looks so handsome and cute, hair tamed slightly so that his curls aren't flying everywhere, pretty tie and fitted suit. He looks so good Roman just wants him to kiss him, right here and right now. Let Dean take him by the lapels of his jacket and have him ravage his mouth, the way he did in the bathroom the second time they kissed. 

 

Roman suddenly realises he's zoned out when there's an arm being slung around his shoulder and he jumps a little, looking up at Calvin who is now plastered to his side and grinning down at him. 

 

“You don't clean up too bad Roman, navy looks good on you,” Calvin squeezes his shoulder and then turns to Nikki, taking her hand and giving her knuckles a single kiss. “And you, pretty lady, look stunning. There's no way that you two aren't getting prom king and queen. No way.” 

 

Nikki swoons slightly and Roman can't help but laugh at how well Calvin sweet talks her. 

 

After talking to Calvin for a little bit he disappears to rejoin his friends Roman and the others get themselves drinks. Randy turns up on his own, looking slightly sour and barely says a word to any of them, just takes a drink and stands with them while he scowls. 

 

A lot of Roman’s night is taken up with taken pictures. First he has some professional ones taken with Nikki and the rest of the group, then he has practically his whole year come up to him for personal pictures. Even though he's not their captain anymore, everyone still treats him like he is, and Calvin is more than happy to encourage them. 

 

Roman ducks away when he can, overwhelmed with attention and slightly sore, and heads towards the bathrooms. He's walking the deserted corridor when someone slams into him, grabbing hold of him forcefully and pushing him against the wall. Roman feels the familiar sensation of the air being slammed out of his lungs, his ribs burning fiercely as he tries to focus his eyes on the person in front of him. 

 

Randy. 

 

“Why can't you just stay down?” He spits and Roman tries to fight back, tries to push him off. But Randy has one hand around his neck and the other at his side, squeezing Roman’s injured ribs and he just can't feel anything but fiery pain coursing through him. 

 

“You weren't supposed to be here, it was supposed to be me.” Roman feels the hand around his neck increase the pressure and his vision gets more blurry. His head swims,  _ what the hell is going on here?  _ Is Randy trying to  _ kill  _ him?

 

“You're just like a cockroach Reigns. Get anywhere and everywhere and won't die. But that's okay, at least you can't be prom king if you're in hospital.” As the hand on his neck tightens again Roman tries to get his arms free from being pinned against Randy’s body, but Randy feels like a lump of lead on top of him, all muscle and hardness and strength. 

 

A high pitched, nasally squeak comes from the end of the hallway. “Randy!” 

 

Whipping his head around Randy curses before letting go and taking off in the operate direction. Roman drops to the floor gracelessly, breathing in gulps of air and clutching at his ribs. It's all too familiar. 

 

“Jesus Christ Rome, what the hell was that?” Seth’s worried face crowds his vision, warm hands settle against his own on his side. “I’ll go and get some help.” 

 

“No!” Roman wheezes, managing to catch Seth’s wrist before he disappears. “You can't tell anyone.” 

 

Seth looks at him aghast, “Roman you can barely breathe!” 

 

“I'll be fine in a minute, just get me some water and some ice. Please. Don't tell anyone.” Seth considers him for a moment before muttering a, 

 

“Fine, I'll be right back.” 

 

Roman doesn't watch Seth scurrying away, instead looks down the corridor which Randy took off down and tries to wrap his head around what just happened. 

 

_ You weren't supposed to be here. It was supposed to be me.  _ What the hell does that mean? He hasn't spoken to Randy at all since that game day, and he hadn't sold him out for what he did. He wasn't captain anymore, is that what this was about? Because he'd chosen Calvin as captain and not him? But that was weeks ago, another game had been played since then, why now? 

 

_ At least you can't be prom king if you're in hospital.  _ Did it mean that much to him, to be prom king? And why was  _ everyone  _ so sure that Roman was going to be prom king? 

 

“Here, this is the best I could do.” Seth returns, pressing a maroon paper napkin filled with ice to Roman’s side. He passes him a cup of water too, and Roman downs half of it before setting it down and fishing the Tylenol he's got stashed in his pocket out. Seth eyes him carefully before speaking. 

 

“Are you gonna’ tell me what that was about?” 

 

Roman swallows his tablets before taking the ice pack from Seth and holding it on himself. 

 

“The guy tackled me at the game because Randy paid him to.” Shock clouds Seth’s face as he tries to gather the right words to say. 

 

“But why?” 

 

Roman shifts, readjusts the the icepack and is slightly thankful that the pain has started to dissipate. 

 

“Jealousy, I suppose.” 

 

“Who knows?” 

 

“Just Calvin. It's why Randy had that busted up face the week after the game.” 

 

“That's why he wouldn't tell anyone who did it?” 

 

Roman nods. “And why I haven't told anyone what happened either. If I did, Randy would tell everyone that Calvin roughed him up, and that could jeopardise his chances of getting into Georgia Tech.” 

 

“Always thinking about other people, huh?” 

 

Roman gives Seth a faint smile as he pushes himself from the ground. Seth’s hands immediately latch onto his arms and help him up, warm and steady. 

 

“You alright?” He asks as Roman pulls the icepack away from his side as the napkin has started to get wet from the melting ice cubes and is seeping through to his shirt. 

 

“Yeah, yeah I'm fine.” Which is only half a lie, his ribs are still burning but that's nothing new, really. “Better get back to the others, or they’ll be wondering where we are.” 

 

Roman sucks in a deep breath and follows Seth back into the main hall, favouring his side a little and dumping the ice and the water cup in a bin on the way in. 

 

They join the rest of the group and Roman tries to ignore how Dean looks from him to Seth curiously, and how Seth’s eyes flick around the room but always fall back on Roman. 

 

Randy is nowhere to be found and it's a good job, because he  _ does  _ win prom king, and Nikki wins prom queen. Roman has to grin and smile while his friends slap him on the back and pull him into hugs but in reality he wants to cry out in pain and tell them to just be gentle. He lets Dean wear the crown - because it doesn't actually fit his head, it's way too small - while they're all walking back to Nikki and Brie’s. They had insisted that everyone stay at theirs to celebrate. 

 

Halfway there Nikki asks John to give her a piggyback because her feet are hurting and confused, John asks, 

 

“Why can't Roman give you one, he's your King!” 

 

Nikki rolls her eyes and crosses her arms across her chest. “Kings don't give queens piggybacks, that's the peasants job.”  Despite his grumbling and everyone laughing, he squats down and let's Nikki climb on. 

 

“You know,” John says, hooking his arms around the back of Nikki’s legs - and Roman doesn't even know how she's wrapped herself around John with the dress she has on - “I hope the power doesn't start going to your head, Bella.” 

 

“Sh peasant, just keep walking. Oh and it's Queen Nikki to you.” 

 

Roman pretends to scratch his side and laughs. Seth looks at him and raises a concerned eyebrow. Roman gives him a brief nod and Seth smiles back at him warmly. 

 

He tries not to think about what might have happened if Seth hadn't walked in on him and Randy. He pushes those thoughts away, because it's not the first time he's had to contemplate what might have happened if Seth didn't have impeccable timing. At least this time it was a welcome intrusion. 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here's a little-later-than-midweek update! A lot of you said that you were looking forward to seeing how the sleepover at Nikki's was going to go, but I never actually planned on writing it seeing as nothing was going to happen there... But I'm planning to do one shots of interludes and missing scenes so if that is a particular scene you'd like to see, request it at my tumblr! (psychrollins.) 
> 
> WARNING: In this chapter there is prevalent emotional abuse, physical abuse, homophobic slurs (slight), mild substance/drug/alcohol use. Also warning for sad feels. SAD SAD FEELS. As always, let me know what you think by dropping me some comments and kudos!

In between his birthday, prom and graduating, Roman almost forgets that he's waiting for word from Georgia Tech on his scholarship.

 

He did well in his finals, passed everything, even if it is only just in a couple of subjects. He's passed and that's the main thing. The constant pain in his ribs has lessened too, though he still takes Tylenol just to keep it at bay. 

 

Dean passed everything with straight A’s and his mom throws them a celebratory dinner to congratulate them. It's fun for the most part, he loves seeing his brother smile so wide that his dimples are nearly falling off of his face but he can't help but feel the weight of his father's disappointed gaze everytime Roman has to say that he didn't get any A’s, but he still passed. 

 

Dean’s college acceptance letter comes first. He and Dean are barely awake and out of bed when their mother comes racing up the stairs screaming Dean’s name. Of course, Roman stumbles out of his bedroom to see what all the commotion is about, only to find Dean clutching the piece of paper in his hands like it's his lifeline and his mom looking at him expectantly. 

 

“I did it, I got in!” Roman’s never seen his mother look so proud, so happy, one of the only times he's ever seen her cry. Dean’s crying too and it soaks Roman’s chest when he pulls him in for a hug. 

 

“Well done Deano.” His brother looks up at him with wet eyes and the biggest smile he's ever seen. Roman's heart hurts with equal measures pride and sadness. He's happy for his brother, unbelievably so, but this just solidifies the fact that no matter what happens to Roman, his brother is going to up and leave him in the fall. Their original plan hasn't pulled through and even though Roman wants nothing more than for Dean to be happy, it still hurts that he's going to be happy without him and so many miles away. 

 

Of course, their father is overjoyed with Dean, and the pure happiness that Roman sees on his face makes his heartache desperately to see the same thing when his letter comes. 

 

When his letter does come, he and Dean are just coming into the house from spending the day looking for summer jobs, his mom is sitting in the front room, hands clasped together as she stares at the envelope nervously. 

 

She silently hands it Roman and he holds it in his fingers as he stares down at it himself. It feels like lead in his hands, heavy and imposing and like it's dragging him down underwater so he can't breath. 

 

“Are you going to open it, Ro?” Dean's voice brings Roman out of his daze and he quickly turns the envelope over and rips it open. He pulls out the sheet, skips over the pleasantries and scans the letter. 

 

His heart hammers in his chest as his eyes zone in on one single word. 

 

_ Unsuccessful.  _

 

Roman reads the letter once, twice, three times before the words start to blur from the tears stinging his eyes and his hands shaking. He can vaguely hear someone saying something to him but the words are drowned out by the roaring of his heart in his ears. 

 

He didn't get the scholarship. Roman's legs feel weak as he throws the letter down onto the floor and bolts up the stairs, the jolting of his ribs a painful reminder of why he's such a failure. 

 

Roman flings himself onto his bed, ribs be damned, and cries heavily into his pillow. Everything he's been working for for the past year is spiralling down the drain, shows for nothing now that he doesn't have a scholarship. Now that his dreams are over. 

 

“Roman…” Dean's gentle voice filters into his ear, followed by equally as gentle hands smoothing over his back. “C’mon Ro, it's gonna’ be okay.” The bed dips beside him and Dean’s hands hook underneath his arms, hauling Roman up so that he can stretch out on the bed and pull Roman into his lap. He can't help but cry into Dean’s chest, even the comforting warmth of his brothers embrace does nothing to soothe the tirade of emotions running through him. 

 

“Why doesn't anybody want me, Dean?” Roman hiccups, voice wet and cracking on his brothers name. 

 

“Oh Roman,” His brothers arms tighten around him and he can't help but sink into them. “Don't say that, you know it's not true.” 

 

“You didn't want me, Randy hates me and now Georgia Tech don't want me.” Roman garbles, not being able to stop the words flying out. 

 

Dean’s hand stills on his back for just a second before they come up to cup around his face, pulling him from the dampness of Dean’s chest and up to look his brother in the eyes. 

 

“Don't you ever say I don't want you, Roman. It's not true. I want you, of course I want you.” Dean brushes away the tears on Roman’s cheeks with his thumb, but new ones quickly take their place. He kisses his cheeks now, kisses all over Roman’s face but it doesn't stop the tears from coming, just makes Roman’s heart hurt more. Dean cradles his head back into his chest and Roman lets himself cry more. Soothing words of “it's going to be okay, Roman.” And “this isn't the end, I promise.” Fall over him, but he can't take them in over the roaring chant of “failure, failure, failure.” That's settled in his ears. 

 

They stay like that for a long time. Their mom comes in with water and a sad smile on her face as she kisses Roman’s tear stained cheeks and tells him that she loves him, regardless. 

 

Dean holds him the whole time, close and protective, even when Roman gets a text from Calvin saying that he's holding a celebration party tonight for the both of them, and that he can't wait to go to college with him. 

 

Despite everything, that makes Roman’s lips curl into the smallest of smiles. Because even though like everyone else Calvin was gunning for Roman to get the scholarship, it was because he wanted it for him and not because it would make Roman look good. Because he thought he deserves it. 

 

It hurts Roman to text him back saying that it will just be a party for one, but he's super proud of Calvin. And he is. So proud because Calvin deserves it more than anyone. 

 

Roman calms down enough to fall into a light slumber, until he's awoke to the roaring of his name coming from down stairs. Dean's arms tighten around him he blinks his eyes open wide, heart hammering in time to the sounds of heavy footsteps drumming up the stairs. 

 

His dad is screaming his name, getting louder the closer he gets to Roman’s room. His mother's voice isn't far behind, screaming for Sika to slow calm down but her words are falling to the wayside around his father's rage. Roman clings to his brother as they roll from the bed and every fiber of his being screams for him to protect his brother, to get him out of the way of the impending situation. 

 

“Get out of here.” 

 

“What, Roman, no-” 

 

The door to Roman’s swings open and their father stands in the doorway, the letter clutched tightly between his huge fist and Roman immediately pushes Dean behind him. He knows there's no reason to, his father is not mad at Dean, but he's running on fight or flight and his body chooses fight whenever Dean is with him. 

 

“Roman Leakee Reigns you have five seconds to explain to me what the hell this is.” He growls and for a moment Roman opens his mouth to respond but no words come out. What can he say? That he failed? That's already clear as day and printed in black and white on the sheet his dad has in his hands.

 

“Get out Dean.” His dad says when Roman fails to respond and Dean hesitates before their mom calls to him, standing in the hallway shaking and scared. Dean goes to her and his dad stalks closer, scrunching the letter in his hand with every step. 

 

“Are you happy now, son? I told you they wouldn't want you!” 

 

The words stab Roman in the heart with fiery blows as his dad inches closer, his face full of rage and hatred. It's polar opposite to how he looked at Dean when he got his letter, but can he really blame him? He's failed. 

 

When he fails to respond again he’s grabbed by the collar of his shirt and hauled into his dad’s face. Roman is big, but so is his father, and the rage and disappointment flowing through him has made him bigger, hulking over Roman and making him feel like a minuscule piece of dirt. 

 

“Don't you have anything to say for yourself?” The words are spit angrily into his face and his dad shakes him, like it's going to get the words to come tumbling out of him but all it does is make him hiss in pain. His mom screams for his dad to put him down but her words don't do anything. 

 

“I-I’m sorry.” Roman manages out, the pain in his ribs is stealing all his breath, and his dad just laughs pathetically in his face. 

 

“You're a waste of space, that's what you are. If you’d have spent your time on important things like your studies and football instead of acting like a pansy in the kitchen with your mom maybe you would have gotten in,” The words like angry claws bite at Roman, rip and shred at his skin and let the shame and failure sink right into his bones. It takes the breath from his lungs, amplifies the pain in his rib cage. His broken ribs do nothing to protect the stabs of pain in his heart as it finally settles over him just how much he's let his father down. How much he's let himself down. The whole family down. 

 

Before Roman can comprehend the movement, before he can even flinch, his father's hand slaps across his face and makes a loud cracking sound. He feels the sting and instantly stumbles back, trips on his own feet and falls to the floor, head cracking against the bedpost awkwardly. Pain hits Roman from all angles, his ribs, face and head and he cries out. 

 

“Valea itiiti tama.” Roman never learnt a lot of Samoan from his parents, he could never concentrate for long enough, but he knows enough to know that he just got called a stupid little boy. 

 

Curled in on himself, Roman hears the door to his room slam. He doesn't know how long he sits there, but it's long enough for the taste of blood to dry in his mouth and his temple to throb angrily. When he does stand up, the pain that rockets through him is indescribable. It makes him double over and gasp for breath, feeling like his ribs have broken all over again. He instantly reaches for his Tylenol and empties the last four tablets into his palm before dry swallowing them all. 

 

Roman sits on his bed clutching his ribs for a short while, letting the Tylenol work its way into his bloodstream before getting up and limping into the bathroom. His lip is split a little, crusted with dried blood and he can already see that a large bruise is going to form on his temple from where he hit his head. 

 

He cleans himself up best he can before stepping out of the bathroom and makes his way to his bedroom. Voices from downstairs stop Roman halfway there. He can hear his dad talking jovially to someone, but neither his mom or brother are replying so Roman guesses he must be on the phone. He catches the words “celebrate” “tonight” and “whole family” and decides quickly that he wants no part of whatever it is. Not with how his face looks and how there's four layers of shame sitting under his skin right now. How can he sit in front of his whole family wearing his father’s disappointment? How can Roman sit in front of his family and tell them that he didn't get into Georgia Tech? How would he answer the question “what now?” 

 

When Roman limps back into his bedroom he shuts the door as quietly as he can and pulls his phone from his pocket, quickly typing out a message to Calvin. 

 

**Still got room for me at that party?**

 

It only takes a matter of seconds before a reply pings through. 

 

**Of course bro. Just getting started, get your ass over here.**

 

Calvin sends another text with the address and Roman changes into his nicer jeans and a baggy black shirt as quickly as he can. The four Tylenol he took have started to take effect now, dulling the pain and making the edges of his mind just a little fuzzy. Feels nice, like his brain is getting rid of all the shit inside. Once he’s changed, Roman goes over to his window and pulls it open. 

 

He's never done this before. He's never needed to. But right now he has no choice. It's either climb out the window or risk bolting out the front door. His dad wouldn't let him leave if he caught him, so this is the only way. Roman scales the side of the house, being careful of his ribs; even though the pain is only a dull ache now, any twinge now would be painful once the Tylenol wears off later off. 

 

Roman breaks out into a light jog once he's safely on the ground, wanting to get as far away from his house as possible just in case anyone saw him and came after him. 

 

It takes him about ten minutes to get to Calvin’s house, and before he can even knock on the door, Calvin is swinging it open and hauling him inside. His friend is all big smiles until his eyes lock onto his face. 

 

“What the fuck happened to you?” Calvin shouts loudly above the already thumping music. 

 

Roman shrugs, “It's called being a disappointment to your whole family.” He shouts back. A warm hand cups his cheek and Calvin gapes at him. 

 

“No… No. Roman that's not disappointment, that's abuse.” The word settles heavy on Roman’s shoulders, sits in the back of his as Calvin’s hand slips to the back of his neck. 

 

“It's whatever.” Roman finally chokes back, but he's not sure Calvin hears him over the music. One of Calvin’s friends saves him from whatever Calvin is going to say next, barges in next to them and shoves a shot of alcohol and a joint into Roman’s hand and drags him away from Calvin. 

 

“You look like you need to let loose, Reigns.” Roman lets himself be pulled into a throng of people and downs the alcohol in his glass before he's quickly handed another one. Roman downs that one too. 

  
“Yeah. Yeah I do.” 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I hurt you all with the last chapter... I don't know if I really make up with this chapter... But alas, here you are! 
> 
> Warning for talks about abuse, drug use and alcohol use. Also not edited very well because it's late and I'm tired. This is also very, very dialogue heavy and I'm sorry but it had to be done! 
> 
> Drop me a commnet/kudos and tell me what you think!

Roman wakes with his head pounding like his brain is trying to get out of his skull and his mouth dry as the fucking desert. He opens his eyes slowly, the night's events coming through in flashes as he takes in his surroundings. 

 

He’s not in his room. The walls are not off white with nothing hanging on them, they're a pale blue with football memorabilia on every available space. He's not in a single bed but a large double, the sheets around him are soft and he's warm and comfortable. He’s also partially naked.

 

Roman’s eyes focus and he sits up quickly, too quickly because the whole room spins and he feels like he's back on the field having just taken a harsh tackle. Roman’s head pounds and his ribs scream in protest and he can't help the groan that slips past his lips. 

 

“Easy there tiger, you're gonna’ feel like shit.” A soft voice that Roman recognises as Calvin comes from the door and he turns to see him coming in with clothes folded up in his arms. 

 

Calvin places them down on the chair next to the bed. “Washed your clothes, they stank of weed.” 

 

“Thanks, Cal,” Roman’s voice is rough and his tongue is too dry and it hurts him to even say two words. Calvin hands him a bottle of water and Roman takes a couple of sips from it before talking again. “What happened?” 

 

Calvin’s lips curl into a smile as he sits next to Roman on the bed. 

 

“You drank a lot, smoked a lot, nothing out of the ordinary.” Then Calvin tilts his head to the side and his hand reaches out, fingers pressing into the juncture of Roman’s neck and Roman hisses, feels the sting of tender flesh. “Also found out that you like guys.” 

 

Roman’s own hand flies up to his own neck, fingers feeling his neck as the image of a hulking, dark skinned guy pressing him against the wall and ravishing his mouth and neck pop into his head. 

 

“I er, shit, yeah I do please don't hate me--” 

 

“Shut up, Roman. What do you take me for, a homophobe? I don't care whether you like girls or boys or whatever, okay? It's cool. Chill out.” 

 

Roman takes another sip of water, comforted a little by Calvin’s words and the hand that's made its way to his shoulder and is squeezing gently. “Did I, you know?” 

 

“What, sleep with him?” Roman cringes and nods.

 

“Nah. He wanted to take you home but I wouldn't let him, you were out of it and in no state to decide whether you wanted to or not. You're extremely compliant when you're drunk and high, just did exactly what I said, it was pretty hilarious to be honest.” 

 

Roman groans in embarrassment and drops his head into his hands. It stings when he does so and it takes him a moment to realise why his face hurts so much. Remembers why he's here in the first place. Not getting into Georgia Tech, his dad hitting him, running away. 

 

Fuck. He's been gone all night. 

 

“My parents, shit.” 

 

“Phones on the nightstand there, was going off all night but you answered it at one point. It stopped after that.” 

 

Roman hesitantly picks up his phone and scrolls through it. He has nearly a hundred missed calls from his mom and Dean and probably the same amount of texts from each of them, both asking him to answer the phone and to come home, or tell them where he was. He finds that he'd sent a text to Dean that, in drunken language, said that he was fine and to stop calling. Then he’d picked up the phone to Dean in what had been a thirty-second call. The calls and texts died out after that, his family finally giving up on him. What was the strangest thing, was the one text that was nestled between all of the others. It was from Seth. 

 

**Don't do anything stupid. Please**

 

So Seth was there after he’d gone. Had Dean told him everything that had happened? 

 

“We need to talk about your parents.” Calvin says softly when Roman chucks his phone into his lap. 

 

“What's there to talk about, I disappointed them.” 

 

“Disappointed or not, parents shouldn't ever lay their hands on their children. Grown or not.” 

 

“It was just my dad, my mom’s never done that.” 

 

Calvin frowns, hand reaching up to push some of Roman’s hair out of his face to inspect what Roman suspects to be a killer bruise on the side of his face. 

 

“Did she do anything to stop him?” 

 

“No but--” 

 

“Then she's just as bad,” Calvin butts in. The words cut right into Roman, feels a tangle of emotions tighten in his gut. “My momma, God if she ever saw my father so much as raise his hand in my direction she would be all over him like a bad rash. Because I'm her boy, Ro. And whether I'm eight or eighteen she's gonna’ protect me. That's what mothers do.” Calvin’s voice drops quiet, “Anyone who can stand and watch abuse and not do anything about it is just as bad as the abuser, Roman.” 

 

“It's not abuse,” Roman quickly says, trying to make sense of the shit Calvin had said. “They saved Dean from abuse, they're not, they can't be-” 

 

“Can't be abusers because they helped your brother?” Calvin sighs heavily and curls a hand around the back of Roman’s neck. “Bad people can do good things. Just because they've done something good doesn't mean they can't ever do anything bad. God is good, but he still let the Devil take everything away from Job.” 

 

Before Roman can respond, his phone blares to life in his lap. It's Dean, but Roman doesn't answer it. He's not prepared to talk to anyone yet, needs more time to collect himself before he speaks to them. The walk home should be enough. 

 

Calvin tries to stop Roman from going home. Tells him that there's plenty of room for him here and that his mom will more than welcome him to the family. It's a tempting offer, because Roman’s not sure how he's going to deal with the consequences of running away without anyone knowing. But he knows that he's going to have to at some point, and he'd rather it be sooner than later. 

 

Calvin’s mom and younger sister get home just before Roman leaves and she takes one look at his face before she bursts into a frenzy and tries to get him to stay with them and that she’ll look after him. Roman is grateful, can't deny the warm feeling the hospitality he's being shown that spreads through his body like wildfire. He declines, though, but does promise to come back if things get too bad. 

 

It's still hard for Roman to process the words Calvin had said to him. Hard to think of his parents as ever being  _ abusers  _ after everything they've done for Dean. Roman still tries to think of it as it just being them disappointed in him, but everything Calvin said is ringing in his ears the whole way home - he declined a ride home, said he needed time to clear his head with the fresh air - and all Roman can think of is all the separate times his dad has ever said anything disgusting to him or manhandled him. He loses count by the time he makes it onto his street. 

 

The window to his bedroom is still open and Roman quickly makes the decision to get back in the way he came out so that he doesn't walk into the waiting hands of his dad. The climb is a struggle, his ribs are burning because he hasn't taken any painkillers since before showing up to Calvin’s and even though the weed had helped, it's worn off now. 

 

When he gets to the level of the window and looks inside, he almost loses his balance when he sees Dean and Seth sitting on his bed. 

 

“What the hell are you doing in my room?” Roman hisses as he hauls himself through the window. 

 

“Roman what are  _ you  _ doing?” Dean pushes himself from the bed quickly to help him, taking hold of his arm and steadying him when he gets through. 

 

“Just hanging out,” Roman says sarcastically, “What does it look like I'm doing?” 

 

“Where have you been?” 

 

“Out.” 

 

Dean rolls his eyes and scowls at him angrily. Roman brushes him off and goes to his bedside table where his Tylenol is stored. 

 

“I mean it, Roman, where the hell have you been all night? We were worried sick about you.” 

 

Once Roman has swallowed the tablets he turns to Dean and quickly flicks his eyes to Seth who's now standing awkwardly next to his bed, watching the scene unfold. 

 

“If you must know, Calvin had a party to celebrate getting into Georgia Tech, so I went.” 

 

“Was it Calvin who gave you that giant fucking hickey on your neck?” 

 

Dean sounds jealous and Roman can't even believe he has the gall to when his boyfriend is standing two feet away from him. Something swirls in Roman’s stomach at Dean’s face and his tone but he can't put his finger on it. 

 

“No, he's not gay.” 

 

“Who then?” 

 

“I don't know, can’t remember.” 

 

Dean looks at him completely aghast and for some reason Roman feels satisfied with that look. Why hadn't he asked Calvin what that guy's name was? Maybe he could have brought him home and paraded him around just like Dean does Seth, see how his brother felt then. 

 

“What did I miss last night?” 

 

“Nothing, dad cancelled the plans because of your stunt.” Roman groans. He hasn't avoided what he wanted to. The main reason he’d gone to Calvin’s and it had all been in vain. Fucking great. 

 

Dean grills him a bit more, with Seth still standing awkwardly, and neither of them mention the elephant in the room. The last time they were all in Roman’s room together, Seth was walking in on him and Dean kissing. So much has happened in the time between, and Roman still doesn't understand why Seth is always so nice to him and why Dean hasn't explained what the hell was going on. 

 

But for once, Roman is grateful for Seth’s presence. Seth being here means that his father can’t chew him out or lay a hand on him and that suits Roman just fine. His mom fusses over him a lot, hugs him and tells him she was worried sick but it doesn't make Roman feel warm like it used to. Calvin’s words play over and over in his head. 

 

_ God is good, but he still let the Devil take everything away from Job.  _

 

He'd never thought about it before, not until Calvin bought it up. How  _ could  _ his mom watch her child get treated like that, by his father,  _ her husband,  _ and not do anything? He couldn’t even stand the thought of his brother being in the same room as his father when he’s angry, so how could she stand to see it with her son? 

 

Perhaps a little bit of resentment settles in Roman as he remembers just how worried Calvin’s mother had been about him, how much she’d tried to make him stay. She had never met him before, yet all she wanted to do was protect him. 

 

Roman remains silent throughout dinner, lets the conversation flow between his parents and Dean and Seth about them going to college. He ignores the way his heart aches at the thought of not going away to college. He’s still incredibly hungover so he’s happy that his mom lets him escape to his room after he’s helped clear up. 

 

Roman’s ribs have just started to flare up again so he takes some painkillers and stretches out on his bed. He texts Calvin for a while, promises him that things are okay, and then plays video games for a while. It’s nearly eleven pm when there’s a faint knock at his door. He looks up and calls for whoever it is to come in. He’s mildly surprised when Seth sticks his head around the door. 

 

“Hey, uh, can I come in?” He asks, and Roman nods, shuffling to give him some space on the bed. Seth sits down gently and he’s playing with his hands. 

 

“Where’s Dean?”

 

“He’s in the shower.” 

 

When Seth has been quiet for a while, Roman asks, “What’s up?” 

 

“The bruise on your face, how did you get it?” 

 

Roman purses his lips, unsure of what to say. Dean obviously hadn’t told him what had happened, and obviously for a reason, but should Roman lie to him? After everything, Seth has been good to him. It wouldn’t be fair to lie to him. 

 

“After dad found the rejection letter, he got mad. My face just happened to be the target of that madness.” Seth stares at him for a long time, and something like hurt flashes all over Seth’s face. Something like recognition and familiarity. 

 

“Why wouldn’t Dean tell me the truth? He told me that you reacted badly and left.” 

 

Hurt clutches at Roman’s chest. His brother lied about him. Painted him in a bad light. Had the previous weeks of calm all been just a mask for him, was he lying when he said “I’ll always want you.”? 

 

“Didn’t want you to see what our families really like, didn’t want to scare you off, I guess.” Roman says finally. He doesn’t know what else to tell him. 

 

“You ran off because of what happened, then?” 

 

Roman nods and Seth smiles at him sympathetically. They sit in silence for a little while before they hear Dean banging about in the bathroom, obviously finished in the shower, and Seth gets up to leave, but before he can, Roman stops him. 

 

“Seth,” 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Why are you doing this?” 

 

“Doing what?” 

 

“Being nice, not hating my guts.” 

 

Seth smiles and opens the door to leave, “Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Calvin refers to God and Job, that's a reference to the story of Job from the bible.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *peaks head out from under the mess my uni room and life have become* all i can say is sorry its been so long, and thank you for the continued support of this fic and me. go easy on your gal as she gets back into the swing of things. let me know what you think and if youre excited im back.

Seth leaves during breakfast, and Dean walks him home leaving Roman alone at the kitchen table with his mom and dad. There is a long silence, the only sounds being the clinking of spoons on bowls and the faint slurping from coffee mugs, until Roman’s dad leans back in his chair and let's out a harsh breath. 

“We’re going to talk about your little stunt now, son.” He spits the word son like he's drank rotten milk and Roman wishes his heart didn't sink out of his ass. 

“Sika, let's not do this now.” 

His father gives his mother a stern look and she sighs, sinking back in her chair and returning back to her coffee. 

God is good, but he still let the Devil take everything away from Job. 

In his head Roman can hear Calvin’s voice, can hear Calvin’s mom fussing over him and he tries to think what he was thinking when he turned their offers of a home down. 

“We’re doing this, the boy needs to know when he's crossed the line and what his punishment will be.” 

Roman shovels his frosted wheat into his mouth, desperately trying to get his heart to slow down and his hands to stop shaking. He can't run this time, doubts with the ache in his ribs that he’ll be able to outrun his dad to the door. 

His father's voice is a dangerously low rumble when he says, “You’ve caused this family endless embarrassment, first with your injury, then your college rejection and now this. I had to cancel our family plans because of you.” 

“Could have gone without me.” Roman knows he should have just kept his mouth shut when his father slams his hand down on the table and makes everything shake. 

“Don't get smart with me, Roman.” His father shouts, eyes blaring with a rage that Roman doesn't think he's ever seen before. 

“Now you listen to me, boy, one more smart word out of your mouth and I'll make that bruise on your face look like it's a pastel colour. You think you can just go running off like that? Think you can sneak out without permission and stay out all night? Not on my watch.” And just like that Roman sinks into submission, his three hundred pound frame feeling like that of an emaciated dog under his father's heavy gaze. 

“You’ll never do it again, do you hear me? You're grounded and you're allowance is going to be stopped until I see fit. You're going to earn the respect of this family back, boy.” Roman nods, feeling the four layers of shame become a million layers as his mother sits there watching them but it saying a word. Feels that resentment he'd already felt last night grow again and there's a lump in his throat that makes him feel like he's about to vomit. 

His father must be waiting for him to respond, maybe an apology or maybe sass but Roman doesn't risk speaking. And when his father realises this, he grunts in disgust pushing his remaining breakfast away from him on the table and standing up throwing his morning paper down on the table. He walks away spitting something in Samoan at Roman, he doesn't have to understand it to know it's an insult. 

Roman and his mother sit in silence for what feels like hours, Roman’s cereal going soggy in the bowl before finally he stands up and dumps it into the bin. 

“Sweetheart,” his mother starts, but Roman cuts her off immediately, he doesn't want to hear what she has to say. 

“I'm going out. I'll be back later.” He says shortly, and with that he leaves, despite the fact that he's meant to be grounded. Roman walks around the neighbourhood a little before buying more Tylenol from the convenience store before finally heading to Nikki’s. 

It feels like ages since he's been here, and well really it has. Hasn't been in Nikki’s room since that night after prom. Roman almost forgot how good it feels to just spend time with his best friend. 

“So that's it, he's just going to act like you've just killed a hundred babies or something?” Nikki says her brow creased in disgust. Roman nods with a sigh. 

“Yup. I'm grounded apparently, but mom didn't stop me leaving. And he's stopping my allowance so I guess it's time to get a job.” 

“Why doesn't your mom ever stop him from doing all these things?” 

Calvin’s words float back to the front of his mind. He still doesn't have an answer for that. 

“I don't know. I don't care, really. It's how it's always been.” And it's the most honest Roman’s ever been with himself or anyone about the way his parents treat him, have always treated him. 

Nikki puts a comforting hand on his knee and tells him that he'll always have a place to call home with her. And he appreciates it he really does, but Roman doesn't think he'd ever run away from home. 

Roman spends a couple more hours with Nikki before he heads home to be back in time for when his father gets home. 

When he does get home, Dean and Seth are helping his mom set the dining table for dinner. Roman doesn't question why Seth’s here again seeing as he only left this morning, because now he actually welcomes Seth’s presence in the house. It means the attention is off him for once. 

“How was your day honey?” His mom asks sweetly and Roman mentally questions whether she really cares or not. He tries to shake away all the bad thoughts about her but they linger in the back of his mind. 

“It was okay ma, thanks.” He says with a small smile and Seth looks at him, those soft brown eyes focusing on the large bruise on his face. It's kind of unnerving how loving Seth’s eyes feel on his skin when he's sure they should feel like everyone else's, disgusted and disappointed. 

Dinner goes smoothly, his father didn't find out that he left the house and most of the attention is on Dean and Seth. At the end of dinner, just before they clean up the plates, their father tells them he has some exciting news. Him and their mother are going to spend the weekend with one of their aunties and uncles and he's decided that Dean can have the party he'd asked for. Roman didn't even know Dean had asked for a party, but by Dean’s excited reaction he must have begged pretty hard for it. 

He helps his ma clear up the mess from dinner and excuses himself to his room when he's done, playing video games before finally turning in for the night. 

Roman stares at the ceiling for a long time, the pain in his ribs a barely there, dull ache thanks to the four Tylenol he took before bed. Summer of officially in full swing and while Roman had planned to do lots of fun things with his friends before heading to college, that is obviously no longer be the plan. He has no college place, and thank you to his father, no allowance. 

Instead of fun, Roman’s going to have to work all summer. And hopefully keep the job once summers over because he has no fucking clue what he's going to do with his life now. Football was the only thing he's good at. 

Well, at least he thought it was.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update because there are still so many people keeping up with this. Just thank you, thank you so much. Please bare with me as I get back into the writing groove and take warning that there is drug and alcohol use in this chapter. I think some of you may scream at the end of this. Let me know what you think and find me on my tumblr @psychrollins if you want to ask me anything!

A week before Dean’s party, Roman gets a job. It’s not great and it pays pretty much nothing at all but it's honest work, at least. It’s in his father’s friends steel yard, collecting scrap metal from the piles and piles that are dumped there everyday and sorting it into sellable or meltable pieces. 

His first day doesn’t go all that great, Roman’s ribs still hurt like a bitch when he’s doing any kind of physical work so lugging steel about all day is the easiest of tasks, but he finds that taking four Tylenol in the morning numbs the pain and makes him feel hazy the whole day and work just seems to fly on by.

Work takes up pretty much most of Roman’s time that first week, he wakes up at six to be there by seven-thirty and he works until five in the evening with a half an hour lunch break in between and then goes home for dinner before passing out pretty much straight after. 

Thankfully Steve, his boss and his father’s friend, doesn’t make him work weekends if he works five days a week. 

So Roman misses his brother planning the party and only finds out about what’s going on when he slumps through the door on Friday night after his first full week at work. 

Their mother and father are just packing the car up ready for their weekend away and Dean and Seth are helping them. 

Once they’re gone, Roman dumps himself onto the couch clutching his ribs that are slowly starting to hurt again. 

“Are you okay, Roman?” 

Roman cracks an eye open to look at Dean sitting on the other couch with Seth next to him and he sighs. “Yeah, just tired. And hungry.” 

“We were gonna’ order pizza, do you wanna’ order with us?” Seth asks softly and Roman doesn’t miss the way Dean’s head jerks to look at Seth like he has two heads. Maybe it’s selfish of Roman to say yes, because Dean had clearly intended to have a quiet evening with Seth on his own before the party tomorrow but Seth did offer and Roman is hungry. 

“That would be great, thanks.” He answers back and he tries not to be hurt when he sees Dean’s face softly fall, like he’d assumed that Roman would say no. Seth smiles, all big and wide and like the answer just made him the happiest boy in the world. 

Roman watches Dean carefully as Seth babbles on about what they're ordering. He doesn’t seem completely there, seems deep in thought and pensive. Something Dean rarely is. He excuses himself to shower once Seth’s placed their order, he’s sweaty and smelly and has old oil smeared over his hands and face from dirty pieces of steel. 

The water soothes him, taking some of the ache in his shoulders, back and ribs away but he still takes two Tylenol when he gets out because the shower still isn’t enough. He’s heading from his room to the stairs when he hears the raised voices and it stops him in his tracks, strains his ears to hear what’s being said. 

“He’s just done a nine and a half hour shift and you can clearly see he’s in some discomfort, Dean, you want to just let him fend for himself?” 

“No! But we said we were going to order pizza and watch movies together, not the three of us. What happened to this weekend being our alone time?” 

“We always have alone time Dean,” Seth scoffs, “All we’ve had the past few weeks alone time because Roman’s been working so much.” 

“I mean alone time from our parents!” 

“Spending one evening with your brother isn’t going to kill you, Dean. I actually like spending time with your brother.” 

“You would.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Roman hears the doorbell ring before Dean can answer Seth and he waits for Seth’s voice to call to him telling him the pizza arrived before slowly walking down the stairs. He takes his own with a small smile and curls up on the armchair while Dean and Seth take the couch. They eat in mostly silence apart from a small conversation about what movie to watch. They settle on some futuristic sci-fi film that Roman’s sure Seth and Dean have seen a million times before. 

Roman doesn’t really watch it, though, he’s far too busy thinking about what Dean and Seth’s mini spat about him meant earlier. There’s an ache in his heart that Dean doesn’t want to spend time with him anymore when a couple of months ago he was begging him to stop studying so that he could watch films with him. But what really confuses him is Seth’s need to stand up for him, his need to include him in everything they do. Everything he said confused Roman, but this past month, Seth’s had a habit of saying things that have confused Roman. 

What did Dean mean by, ‘You would’, when Seth said he liked spending time with Roman? Why would Seth like spending time with him after everything? 

Throughout the duration of the movie, and then another one after that, Roman doesn’t come up with any answers. He sleeps more than he pays attention and he tries to listen out for any more discrepancies between his brother and Seth. 

When they don’t come Roman takes himself to bed, his ribs are starting to hurt again anyway and he’s dead to the world. 

Roman sleeps soundly that night, the four Tylenol he took before bed made his dreams far away and easily forgettable and he only wakes up when he hears someone come through the front door. It’s only quarter-past eleven but Roman decides he deserved that lie in, so he heads downstairs to see what’s going on. 

Piled high on the kitchen table are all kinds of snacks, crisps and drinks, including a whole stash of alcohol and plastic cups and everything a party would need. 

“Fuck, who’s coming to this party?” Roman drawls, scratching through his patchy beard that he’s letting grow out for once. 

“Everyone,” Dean laughs starting to put some of the stuff into the cupboards for now. 

“Can I invite Calvin?” 

Dean’s face drops slightly and he doesn’t answer immediately, takes a moment like he’s thinking it over before he finally nods. “Yeah, sure.” 

Roman hasn’t seen Calvin since the party at his house, and he misses having his friend around him constantly like when they were at school. 

“Sweet, thanks.” 

Roman spends the day playing video games until he finally drags himself into the shower before the guests start to arrive. 

When he finally makes it downstairs most of the people Dean invited are there, there’s Nikki, John, Brie and Daniel, a couple of guys from the football team that Dean actually liked and then a whole bunch of his and Seth’s friends from their nerd classes. It’s nothing like the party at Calvin’s, the music is pretty quiet and most people are standing and talking rather than downing drink after drink. But Calvin and Dean are nothing alike so maybe Roman’s a fool for expecting anything different. 

When Calvin does turn up, they spend approximately ten minutes downstairs with the others talking to them before they bail and head upstairs to Roman’s room. 

“Fuck, Ro, I thought you invited me to a party not a dinner party with no table or chairs.” 

“Fuck off, Cal. I didn’t know it was going to be like this, but I should have.” Roman laughs as they squat down underneath Roman’s window with a bottle of vodka they pinched from the kitchen table and a baggie of weed that Calvin had wrapped up in his pocket. 

“I mean I like your brother and all, but he’s a giant nerd.” 

“You say that like it's something I’m not aware of.” And Roman used to defend his brother when someone would call him a nerd or talk about him in any other way than good, but right now Roman’s just focusing on trying to separate himself from the old relationship he had with his brother so that when Dean eventually goes away to college, he doesn’t feel the loss quite so much. 

Roman takes two Tylenol with a swig of vodka while Calvin rolls them a joint, and they smoke it out of Roman’s open window. They talk for what seems like hours, about Calvin going to college and how he’s going to cope leaving his mom and sister behind when his father works so much, and how Roman’s going to cope working a deadbeat job for the rest of his life. They smoke and they drink and the hours tick away on the clock until Roman feels like he’s flying and there’s not a single ache or pain his body. 

They’re both giggling messes when there’s a knock at his bedroom door. 

It’s Seth, and as soon as he steps through the door he’s scrunching up his face and shutting the door before speaking. 

“Fuck how much have you too smoked?” At least Seth’s not completely innocent and nerdy. 

“A lot,” Calvin giggles before he pulls out a joint that Roman honestly didn’t even notice he’d rolled. “You wanna’ try some Rollins?” 

Seth’s eyes go wide before he’s nervously stepping over to them and dropping to his knees in front of them. Roman’s never really noticed before just how pretty Seth is. Especially on his knees. 

“I uh… I’ve never, how do you do it?” 

Calvin lights the joint and brings it to his lips, showing Seth what to do. 

“You just have to take a drag and then hold it in for a little while before exhaling. It’s simple.” He offers the joint to Seth who looks at it skeptically before Roman practically hears him say fuck it and he takes the joint from Calvin and lifts it to his lips. He does exactly what Calvin told him too, and Roman expects him to cough or choke or something on his first go but he does it like he’s been smoking weed for years. 

“Shit Rollins, you done this before?” 

Seth shakes his head, taking the vodka bottle from in between Roman’s legs and taking a swig from it. 

“You not havin’ fun downstairs Seth?” Roman asks, slurring his words slightly. 

“It’s kind of boring,” He admits with a shrug, “And I’m kind of sick of talking about medical school now.” 

Roman laughs softly swiping the vodka bottle and the joint because fuck he doesn’t want to hear about that either. The three of them pass the joint and vodka around until it’s all gone and they’re slumped against the wall laughing at stuff they probably won't find funny in the morning. 

“You know, Rollins, if you didn’t have a boyfriend I’d shotgun you right now.” Calvin laughs head tipped back against the wall and not looking at either of them. But Roman is watching Seth, and he sees his face contort in confusion and Roman can’t really say he blames him, because Calvin is straight, apparently. Calvin laughs at himself again before he’s standing up on wobbly legs. 

“I need to take a piss, where’s the bathroom Ro?” 

“First door on your left.” 

Calvin heads out and there’s a beat of silence before Seth is turning to him, and he looks all fuzzy in Roman’s eyes but he still stands by saying how pretty he is like this. 

“Roman… what’s shotgun?” 

Roman laughs some more before he tries his best to explain. “It’s when you get a load of smoke in your mouth and blow it into someone else's mouth, like a kiss but not really.” 

“Oh…” Seth says before he’s silent again. Roman’s not sure whether they’re still for a second or for an hour because time isn’t real to him right now but however long it is, after it, Seth’s crawling into his lap and straddling him, small, lithe legs wrapping around his waist. 

“Can you show me?” He whispers, those big brown eyes blown even wider thanks to the weed and alcohol and before Roman can really process what he’s doing he’s lighting one of Calvin’s roll ups from in his tin inhaling deeply and wrapping his hand around Seth’s small jaw and bringing him in close. He blows smoke into Seth’s open mouth, lips practically touching and there’s a sane part of him somewhere underneath his intoxication that knows that this is wrong that this is his brother’s boyfriend. But Seth’s small body seated perfectly in his lap and so close to his feels so good. 

The smoke's gone but Seth’s lips are still close to his and Roman can smell weed and vodka on his breath and something that is so distinctively Seth that Roman can’t even name it. When their lips finally touch, Roman feels electricity right to the tips of his toes. 

He doesn’t know if he can call it a kiss, more a rough smashing of drunken, uncoordinated mouths and fumbling hands over their bodies. 

It’s over before it really starts, though, when they hear Dean calling for Seth and Seth tumbles out of Roman’s lap, hitting his head on the bedpost. 

“Shit are you okay?” Seth simply bursts out laughing, not really feeling the pain of what just happened but clutching his head anyway. 

“Roman what the fuck?” Dean asks barging straight into the room. He only has to take one look at them, one smell and he’ll know what they’ve done. 

“Have you been smoking weed?” He asks but Roman doesn’t get time to reply before he’s hauling Seth off the floor. “Did you give him weed? What the fuck is wrong with you Roman?” 

“Calvin gave it me actually, don’t blame Roman!” Seth slurs trying to battle his way out of Dean’s grip but he can’t. 

“Well Roman let you have it that makes him just as bad!” Dean spits dragging Seth out of the room. Roman hears Seth whimpering and whining the whole way and its as he’s thinking how cute Seth sounds when he realises what he’s just done. He kissed Seth. He kissed Seth. Seth kissed him. Shit.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3rd update in three days? that's pretty good form for someone who's been gone for six months, I'd say. I want to apologise for this chapter, it might get you in the feels. It also may seem like the end, but I promise it's not. Let me know what you think is going to happen now! 
> 
> a/n: when roman is running home, listen to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwZZzTgXVVw for maximum feels. let me know if you do. 
> 
> find me @psychrollins on tumblr!

When Roman opens his eyes he immediately shuts them again, the light shining onto his face through his open blinds and open window is way too bright for how sick he feels right now. He has a headache from hell and his mouth is drier than anything. His stomach rolls sickly when he sits up and pain rockets through his body. Ah. His ribs. 

 

Taking a mix of Tylenol and weed mixed with alcohol had numbed Roman’s pain for a good few hours, but now it’s worn off it’s all he can feel. 

 

Roman quickly pulls his Tylenol out of his draw and takes two, washing them down with half a bottle of water that’s on his bedside table. He looks around his room, it’s not trashed, thankfully, but it still stinks of weed and he’s going to have to do something about that later. He tries to piece together the evening, remembers Calvin coming over and smoking weed with him and then - shit. Shit. 

 

Last night he kissed Seth. Seth kissed him. What the fuck. What the fuck. How did that happen and why? Why on earth would Seth kiss him? And why on would he let Seth kiss him? Roman groans, his head hurting way too much to even be thinking about this shit. 

 

With a grimace, Roman stands from his bed and hobbles over to his other window to open it and let some more air in and hopefully flush out the pungent smell of weed before his parents get back later tonight. He decides that he needs food, too, and heads out of his room to go downstairs. 

 

Before he can even comprehend what’s happening, Roman’s eyes fall on the open door to Dean’s room, where Seth is sprawled out naked in bed, the covers pooled around the backs of thighs showing his beautiful ass. No wonder Dean likes him. 

 

Roman shakes his head free of the thought, that’s his brother’s boyfriend. That’s Seth, the guy who he can’t see as anything else other than the guy who stole the love of his life. He quickly runs down the stairs, despite how it jangles his ribs and sends pain surging through his body, he doesn’t want to see Seth’s beautiful tan skin and lithe body on display anymore. (He really does.) 

 

In the kitchen, Dean is tying up a trash bag and adding it to a pile of others. 

“Morning,” Roman says quietly but loud enough for Dean to hear, going to the cupboard and pulling out a glass so he can pour some juice. Dean looks at him but doesn’t answer, just takes the trash bags outside.

 

There’s a painful stab at Roman’s heart and a lump forms in his throat. Does Dean know? Does he know that he and Seth kissed last night? His heart races and his hands shake as he pours his juice and takes cereal from the cupboard. When Dean comes back inside, Roman’s pouring milk into his bowl. 

 

“Is there any reason you’re ignoring me?” Roman risks asking, chancing a look at Dean. Dean does look at him, eyes and mouth set in a hard line. 

 

“You did weed in the house, Roman.” 

 

“I had the window open.” 

 

“Yeah and your room still smells like you’re growing the stuff. And not only that, you gave Seth weed.” 

 

“Calvin gave Seth weed, and Seth made that choice.” 

 

“You were still there and didn’t stop him!” 

 

Roman sighs sitting down, his heart starting to settle because it seems that Dean doesn’t know about the kiss. It should probably stay that way, too. 

 

“Why should I have stopped him Dean? He’s eighteen he can make his own decisions and he’s not my responsibility, he was in my room for hours before you finally came and found him.” 

 

“Because I don’t want him fucking up his life like-” Dean suddenly shuts himself up, the words dying on his tongue but they enter Roman’s head anyway. Stab him in his heart one after the other and ring around him like white noise. 

 

“Don’t want him fucking his life up like me?” 

 

“That’s not what I said,” 

 

“It was what you were going to say, Dean.” Roman spits and he can’t understand what’s happening. Why Dean’s suddenly turned from the brother that held him a couple of weeks ago telling him it was all okay and that he didn’t see him as a failure, to someone so cold and not wanting to be around him. “Don’t worry, I won’t be around you much longer, won’t be able to fuck up your life when you’re thousands of miles away in college. 

 

“Roman that’s not what I--” Dean’s cut off by the kitchen door opening and Seth padding in, looking innocent and cute in Dean’s too-big-for-him shirt and pyjama bottoms, rubbing at his eyes that are still red around the rims. 

 

“What’s going on?” 

 

“Nothing--”

 

“Dean’s just telling me he doesn’t want me fucking up your life with weed.” Roman cuts Dean off much to Dean’s dismay. 

 

“Dean,” Seth sighs, “We’ve been over this. I had half a joint. And I made the decision to do it, no one else. It’s nothing. Just forget about it okay?” 

 

“Anything could have happened to you Seth!” 

 

Roman ignores the stab of pain that hits him when Dean fusses over Seth but not him. 

 

“I can look after myself, thank you very much. And I knew what I was doing, I had full control of myself last night.” Seth says, and his eyes flick to Roman. Roman’s mouth hangs open slightly, the image of Seth sliding into his lap, shotgunning him and then kissing him floating around in his brain. Seth meant to do that. He remembers. He made a choice. 

 

Roman decides that it’s time to get out of this kitchen, and he stands up dumping the rest of his cereal in the trash and dumping the bowl in the sink. “Well this is between you two so I’m gonna leave and let you sort it out. But don’t worry, I won’t fuck up Seth’s life anymore than I already have. You’ll hardly know I exist.” He says, pretending that it isn’t breaking his heart. 

 

“Roman, wait,” Seth says, but Roman’s already out of the kitchen and heading up the stairs, ignoring his calls. 

 

When Roman’s back in his room he checks his phone, only to find a message from Calvin. 

 

Real party at K’s house tonight, you in? 

 

Roman’s still grounded, isn’t even sure when his dad’s going to drop his grounding, but he knows full well he doesn’t want to stay in playing video games and feeling sorry for himself all night. 

 

Yeah, I’m in. 

 

xXx

 

Roman’s life changes after that first week of summer. He doesn’t see his family much, especially Dean. 

 

He works in the week at Steve’s Steel Yard and then gets a job at Colter’s on the weekends. It’s hard work and he has no time for much, but it gives him money which he mostly saves, using the rest to buy essentials. 

 

Those essentials being alcohol, weed and Tylenol. His mom still feeds him, despite his dad saying that he should start paying rent to live in their home (even though Dean doesn’t have to) and Calvin’s mom, who’s been like a foster mother to him since she put her foot down one week saying that she was going to look after him like her own. 

 

Roman spends his weekends with Calvin, and they both spend it at parties drinking alcohol and smoking weed and fucking whoever wants to fuck them. For Calvin it’s usually pretty little white girls who have no idea how they ended up at the party but want a taste of him anyway. And for Roman it’s usually the biggest, jacked black guys who want to pound him into any available surface. 

That’s how life goes for Roman for the duration of the summer, working five days a week nearly all day and only seeing his family at dinner times before he passes out afterwards. Sometimes he hears someone come into his room at night, feels them touch his cheek and sigh before leaving again. He never opens his eyes to see who it is, or give them any indication that he’s awake, but he’s pretty sure it’s Dean. It hurts so he ignores it. He works weekends until seven and he goes straight to Calvin’s and has dinner with his family before he and Calvin head to whatever party Calvin’s been invited to this week. He goes home on a sunday evening for his dad to chew him out about missing their family meal and Roman listens to it all before heading to his room and passing out only to start the week again a monday morning. 

 

It’s the same shit every week, every day. He doesn’t see any of his friends, not really, only occasionally when he’s working at Colter’s and they come in to eat and he has to serve them. But Roman doesn’t really mind, he doesn’t have time to see them anyway, and he told Dean he wouldn’t be around him anyway. 

 

His relationship with Dean changes just as much as his life does. They argue more than they talk, Dean always going on at Roman about smoking weed and drinking and the constant hickeys that he comes home with. Roman doesn’t tell him that he’s doing all of this, drinking, smoking and letting himself be used by guys because he’s trying to block out the pain of his brother not wanting him anymore. Of his brother leaving to go to college with his perfect boyfriend and leaving Roman at home with his shit life and shit family. 

 

Roman avoids Seth as much as he can, which isn’t hard really seeing as he’s never home and he doesn’t go out with his friends. He never tells Dean about the kiss and he doesn’t think Seth does either. That’s fine by him, he’s happy enough to pretend that it never happened. 

 

The day that Dean is leaving for college, Roman is working at the steel yard. He’s just off his lunch break when Steve comes up to him. 

 

“Today’s the day that brother of your’s leaves for college ain’t it?” He says in that Texan accent. Roman feels the pain rip through him again. He’d said a quick goodbye to Dean last night, nothing like he wanted too because he couldn’t get the words out, and he had wanted to go with him today despite everything, but he couldn’t because he was working. 

 

“Yeah, yeah it is.” 

 

“What time’s he leavin’?” 

“Around two, why?” Roman asks, because Steve has never met his brother and can’t see why he would be interested in him. 

 

“It’s half one, get home. Go take ya brother to college.” Steve says with a small smile. Roman’s eyes widen. 

 

“But I’m--”

 

“No buts, go home. I’ll pay you for a full day’s work. Go on, off ya go.” 

 

Roman doesn’t miss a beat in putting everything down and sprinting out of the yard. He can hear Steve laughing at his eagerness but he doesn’t care how he looks. He’s glad he took Tylenol on his lunch break because he’s not run like this since the game he got injured in. It takes him ten minutes to get home when he walks, so running should in theory mean he’ll be home in five. 

 

It takes him seven minutes, but still, he’s home at twenty-to-two.

 

His heart drops when he sees the family car in the driveway gone. It’s none two yet. They shouldn’t have left yet. 

 

Roman runs into the house, his key fumbling in the door for a moment but he yanks it open so hard it nearly breaks. 

 

The house is silent and Roman’s heart doesn’t even feel like it’s beating anymore. He runs upstairs and into Dean’s room to find it barer than it’s ever been. They’ve gone. Dean’s gone. 

 

It takes two seconds before Roman’s falling to his knees with tears streaming from his eyes. 

 

This feels just as bad as when Seth walked in on him and Dean and ruined everything. Feels just as bad as when he got the rejection letter from Georgia Tech. Dean’s gone. Gone without a proper goodbye. His brother. Dean. 

 

Even after everything, after everything Dean did and said, how they’ve been these past few months, kissing Seth and all the other people Roman’s let touch him, he’s still in love with Dean. 

 

He’s tried so hard to push it away, to bury it and destroy it so when this day came it wouldn’t be so bad but all he’s done is mask it and now that mask has been ripped from it and it’s all bubbling to the surface like a volcano and its ripping him apart. 

 

How is he going to cope knowing that when he comes home from work, his brother isn’t going to be there? Even though he’s spent the majority of the summer trying to avoid him he’s still been there. Has always been there, just a few feet down the hall since they were kids and now he’s gone. 

 

Roman cries in Dean’s room for a long time, hours, because the light outside from Dean’s window dims and lets him know that the day is passing away. He finally stands on shaky legs the tears dried on his face and walks into his own room tonight. 

 

On his bed there is an envelope with his name on it. Inside is a small piece of paper and a photograph of Roman and Dean on the very first birthday Dean celebrated with them. They’re both wearing party hats and huge smiles with their arms around each other. The note simply says, 

 

Dear Brother, 

I love you. 

Dean. 

 

Fresh tears fall down Roman’s cheeks as he remembers that day. After the party he and Dean fell asleep in the same bed telling each other they were best friends as well as brothers. 

 

And now his brother is half way across the country and he didn’t even get to say goodbye to him properly. Didn’t even get to hug him. 

 

But that’s just life in the belly of the beast.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy! I'm here again! I don't have much to say about this chapter, other than its a filler chapter to set up the upcoming chapters. I know it felt like the end, but clearly, it is not. let me know what you think is going to happen! 
> 
> tumblr: @psychrollins

**7 Years Later**

  
  


At twenty-five Roman is just getting by. He works in a car repair shop as a trainee mechanic and lives in a small apartment just down the street from where he works. He’s doing well, better than he was, anyway. 

  
  


After Dean left to go to college, life for Roman got no better. His father became even more hostile towards him, forcing him to pay rent because it was time for him to move out. Roman didn’t stay there long, by the time he was nineteen he’d moved into a small dingy flat, the only thing he could afford with the money he’d saved up since he started work at the steel yard. Home life was hell, and he snapped when he heard his father say to his mother one evening that he wished Dean was their real son rather than Roman. He doesn’t see them much. 

  
  


Roman ended up quitting his job at the steel yard after only working there for a few months. It was around Thanksgiving, he’d decided that he was going to surprise Dean at his college and go and see him. He’d called him and asked whether he would be staying there over the holidays and he’d said yes. It was the perfect plan, except that Roman couldn’t afford to get there. The only thing he could do was ask for extra shifts, and the diner he worked at on weekends was already overstaffed so he had to ask Steve. 

  
  


He did ask Steve, and the answer Roman got was that he couldn’t offer him overtime but he could make money  _ other ways.  _ And Roman was used to being used, had made a habit of it over the summer so he swallowed his pride and did what he had to do for the money. 

  
  


Only, when Roman got to Dean’s college, having spent hundreds of dollars in bus tickets, he found that Dean wasn’t actually in the same state as him. He’d wasted his money and his journey and he was heartbroken once again. 

  
  


Roman couldn’t face Steve after that, he quit his job at the steel yard and took a job at the movie theatre as a janitor. The pay was good for a semi simple job so Roman was happy. 

  
  


Happy but pretty lonely. He didn’t see his friends, seeing as all of them (except Nikki who stayed in Pensacola) went away to college thousands of miles away. And Roman, at the time, didn’t make a habit of making many new friends, only his work colleagues. 

  
  


Calvin made sure to come home from Georgia Tech as much as he could, always came to see Roman first, but the training was intense and Calvin really had to focus. He didn’t spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with his family, didn’t ever want to be around his father, so he always spent the holidays with Calvin or Nikki’s family, or on his own. And Dean never called, only sent cards that he was pretty sure that Seth wrote. 

  
  


So Roman’s life went on in a dreary cycle of going to work, going home to his dingy little apartment and smoking weed, drinking alcohol and taking his Tylenol before passing out only to do it again the next day. The next week, the next month. 

  
  


He tried dating one year. Didn’t turn out too great, the guy he was seeing turned out to be married and his wife walked in on them fucking one day and the guy wrote him off as a prostitute and Roman had never felt so low in his life. 

  
  


It brought back so many memories of Seth walking in on him and Dean. How cheap he felt, how broken and unwanted he knew he was and it just  _ hurt.  _ Brought all of that back. 

  
  


And so Roman ended up on a path of destruction. 

  
  


_ ( _ _ he will lace your lemonade and set you on a path of destruction) _

  
  


Drinking and smoking until he couldn’t even remember his own name, he’d loiter around bars to find men who would fuck him so hard he’d see stars, anything to make him forget about how nobody would ever love him. 

  
  


That’s how he met Luke, Karl and AJ. One night he was drunker than hell and hit on a large guy with a beard and some wicked tattoos, kept talking about buzzards but Roman didn’t really care. Well, not until the guy wanted him to do some crazy shit that Roman just wasn’t going to do, drunk or not, and he choked him behind the back of the bar leaving him slumped against the dumpsters. 

  
  


Roman doesn’t remember much, but he remembers waking up on a random couch with no clue where he was. It turned out that two men, Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows, found him behind the dumpster and took him home to patch him up. 

  
  


He has a lot to thank Karl and Luke for. They saw him as this young, troubled boy who needed help. And it’s exactly what they gave him. Karl got him a better apartment opposite his own so that he could always be near him, and got him a job at their friends garage and taught him everything they knew. 

  
  


He’s been there for two years now, and life is much better for Roman. He’s still a regular smoker and drinker, still takes six Tylenol a day (because without it Roman can’t stop shaking and he feels like his insides are trying to tear him apart from the insides) but he has a normal, structured life with a good job and a dysfunctional little family in Karl, Luke and his boss AJ. 

  
  


Roman’s never tried dating again, never took his body out to be used again because he’s never had to. Now he’s got Karl and Luke. It’s not a relationship, not by any stretch of the imagination, because they’re not the type of guys to do that kind of shit, but they look after him and make sure he’s satisfied. They adore Roman and Roman adores them, and that’s all that really matters. 

  
  


It took Roman a while. But he’s happy. Finally happy. 

  
  
  
  


xXx

  
  
  
  


“So I was thinking that we could shower up and then order in and put a movie on?” Karl says to him as they walk home from work on Friday evening. It’s half past six and winter is closing in, the days getting shorter. 

  
  


They’re a block away from their own apartment block and honestly Roman can’t wait to just kick back with Karl and Luke this weekend. It’s been busy at the garage lately, cars and bikes giving up as the cold starts settling in, and Roman’s had more of a workload now that he’s almost fully trained. 

  
  


“Yeah that sounds great,” Roman replies as they turn around the corner, their apartment block coming into view. “But--” 

  
  


Roman’s words die in his mouth when he spots someone standing at the bottom of the stairs to their complex, one hand in his pocket the other letting him scroll through his phone. His heart beats rapidly in his chest. 

  
  


Even after all these years, after seeing him only a handful of times the whole time he’s been in college, Roman will always be able to recognize that stance. 

  
  


“Dean?” 

  
  


The words are quiet but he’s close enough to Dean for him to hear them and he whips his head up, smiling brightly at Roman. He’s still beautiful. Still got those dimples and that messy, curly blonde hair that Roman’s always loved. It’s him. It’s Dean. He’s back. 

  
  
“Hey, brother. Miss me?” 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this, my laptop died half way through last week and I didn't get a new one until the weekend. Apologies for this chapter, i'm still a little rusty! Also, this is still not over! There's still more to come, so please let me know what you think! 
> 
> Reach me on tumblr: @psychrollins

Standing in his kitchen, staring at Dean, Roman’s at a loss for words. After seven years he didn’t think that his brother would ever come back to Pensacola. Not after all this time, not after the years of pretty much complete radio silence between them. 

  
  


“How did you find out where I live?” Roman asks, voice cracking. His hands are starting to shake, he’s usually taken a Tylenol by now but he hasn’t and the jitters are starting to set in. 

  
  


Dean smirks and shrugs, “I asked Nikki. Well I hassled Nikki, she wasn’t going to give it up easily.” 

  
  


Roman nods, still doesn’t know what to say. What can he say?  _ Hey, Dean. You’ve been gone for seven years and in that time I’ve been in self destruct mode and I’m only alive because nice people came and found me.  _

  
  


It’s not a conversation starter by any means, and Dean doesn’t seem to have a clue about anything that’s happened to him. Maybe his mom and dad really did completely wash their hands of him, didn’t bother talking to Dean about him. 

  
  


“Why are you- what are you doing back in Pensacola?” He finally asks, swallowing down the lump in his throat. 

  
  


“Starting my new job at the Sacred Heart Hospital, you think I wasn’t going to come home once I finished my degree?” 

  
  


Roman doesn’t know how to answer that question, doesn’t know how to process the information that Dean’s telling him right now. Dean’s  _ home.  _ Did Roman really think he was never going to come back? He doesn’t know. He’d tried so hard to block everything from that one year out, tried to block as much of Dean as he could from his mind. 

  
  


“Did you- are you, are you still with Seth?” Roman doesn’t know why he blurts it out and he clamps his mouth shut right after, because Dean’s face falls and he sighs. 

  
  


“For now.” 

  
  


That’s. That’s not what Roman expected Dean to say. He expected a simple yes or no answer. 

  
  


“Oh…” Roman mumbles. “What does that mean?” 

  
  


“It means that we came home together to build our life but I’m not sure it’s going to work out.” Roman’s not sure what the words make him feel. Happy? Happy that Seth seems to be fading from the picture? Sad? Sad that his brother has spent eight years of his life with someone only for it to end? 

  
  


“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” 

  
  


“And yourself?” 

  
  


Roman has to think what Dean means for a moment, before he realises that Dean’s asking about his own love life. He swallows, not really sure what to say. His relationships with Karl and Luke are not really official, not really traditional, but as far as he knows none of them are sleeping with other people. 

  
  


“It’s complicated…” Roman settles with, doesn’t know how his brother will take the fact that he’s sleeping with two men at once. Probably think of him as a whore. That’s what Calvin called him when he found out. Of course he didn’t really mean it, he just wanted better for Roman. Wanted that special life for him. (Or maybe it was because one time Calvin came home and they got drunk and high together and Roman ended up underneath Calvin in bed getting pounded into the mattress, and when they woke up Roman blamed it on the alcohol and drugs and apologised, then after Calvin left he got with Luke and Karl. Roman would think it was jealousy if he weren’t so confident that Calvin would never love him.) 

  
  


Roman and Dean sit on Roman’s worn out couch and talk for hours. (Roman tries not to think about how many times he’s been fucked on it) Dean talks about how medical school was and everything he’s done for seven years and Roman sits and listens in awe. It’s so much different to his own, Dean’s life wasn’t filled with drink, drugs, addiction and sex. It was filled with hard work and golden opportunities and family love. Roman doesn’t talk about his own simply so that he can keep listening to Dean, the jitters from not having his usual Tylenol calmed by Dean’s presence. 

  
  


They end up curled together on the couch like old times, Roman tucked under Dean’s arm listening to his heartbeat. 

  
  


“When was the last time you saw mom and dad?” Dean asks softly, fingers gently stroking Roman’s arm. 

  
  


“A long time ago,” Roman sighs, “At Tamina’s wedding, so like, two or three years.” 

  
  


“You don’t want to patch things up with them?” 

  
  


Roman knows that Dean doesn’t know the extent of how much hatred there is between him and his father, how much resentment he has for his mother, but the question still makes him scoff. “No way. Not after everything.” 

  
  


Dean sighs but doesn’t say anything else on the matter, thankfully. He sighs softly, fingers playing with the bottom of Dean’s shirt. As much as Roman’s still hurt, still  _ hurting,  _ being like this with Dean again is good. Really good. He’s missed him, despite how much he hurt him that one summer and how distant they became, he’s his brother and he’s always going to love him. 

  
  


“What’s going on with you and Seth?” Roman finally asks after a period of silence, unable to keep from asking. He feels Dean tense for a moment before he sighs.

  
  


“I don’t know, it was good but now it’s just, not.” 

  
  


Roman hums, “I’m sorry.” 

  
  


“Yeah, me too.” Dean says before running his fingers through Roman’s loose bun. “I’ve missed you.” He whispers softly, and Roman looks up at him a smile creeping onto his face. The words make butterflies erupt in his belly. 

  
  


“I’ve missed you too.” Roman smiles at him. Dean’s fingers stroke his cheek, warm fingertips across his skin lighting up every nerve in his body. The way Dean’s looking at him has his heart beating fast in his chest, it’s the same way he used to look at him back when they were together, for that short time, like Roman’s the only person in existence who matters to him. 

  
  


Dean leans down slowly, almost hesitantly, and Roman’s heart is trying to rip from his body and he’s sure Dean can feel it. Roman knows that he shouldn’t, not after everything, not with Seth still in the picture no matter how faint, but he can’t help it. 

  
  


He closes the small gap between them and presses his lips to Dean’s. It’s just like the first time, sparks of electricity that flow through Roman’s body like wildfire. Dean shifts, hands cupping Roman’s cheeks and he melts into him, hands gripping the front of his shirt tightly. 

  
  


When they have to pull away for air, Roman’s panting softly. Dean grins at him, all lopsided and still with the cute dimples. They stare at each other for a long moment, their whole history running between them before Roman can't take it anymore and he's surging forward again and kissing Dean. 

  
  


It feels like home. Feels like  _ coming home.  _ Dean pulls at him gently until Roman gets the message and slides into his lap, his hands curling around Roman’s waist. Roman's much smaller now, having lost all of his football weight seeing as he wasn't playing anymore and didn't need to bulk. It was probably also down to the fact that there were times he couldn't afford food and just drank whatever alcohol there was left in his cupboard. But Roman thinks Dean might appreciate this smaller frame. He’s not quite as small as Seth - never will be, he's not build to be  _ tiny,  _ \- but he's small enough. Smaller than Dean. 

  
  


Dean gets his hands under Roman's shirt, warm, familiar hands creeping onto his skin and branding him in all the best ways. “Where's your bedroom?” Dean whispers, pulling away and kissing up Roman’s neck. 

  
  


Roman whimpers, his fingers playing with the curls at the back of Dean’s neck. “First door you see in the hall.” He breathes, a little breathless from everything that's going on right now. Dean lifts them both easily and carries him through to where Roman said his room was. 

  
  


Roman’s heart it beating furiously in his chest, not really believing that this is going to happen. But Dean’s laying him down on his bed and crawling over the top of him, lips kissing from his neck to his jaw and his hands exploring every inch of skin that he hasn't in seven years. 

  
  


“God look at you, you're still so perfect.” Dean whispers and Roman makes a choked noise. It's all too good to be true, but Dean’s pulling at his top to expose Roman’s skin and despite the fact that he hates it - it's littered with stretch marks and scars that Roman doesn't know how he got - he's letting Dean pull it off. His hands skim up his sides, knuckles feeling the dip on the left side of Roman’s ribs where the bone didn't quite heal properly and left a weird chunk of bone hanging out. 

  
  


Dean kisses him again, and Roman's own hands pull at Dean’s shirt to get it off. It's clear that he's been working out, he's all hard muscle and slim waist and Roman’s mouth practically waters at the sight of him. He's missed him, missed  _ this  _ amount of intimacy with him. 

  
  


“Dean,” he whimpers out, clutching at him and Dean makes a knowing noise, shushes him gently and tugs Roman’s shorts and underwear down in one go. Like the whore he’s always been for Dean, Roman spreads himself easily for Dean and pulls him back into him for another kiss. 

  
  


Dean’s hands are everywhere, stroking over his thighs and up under his ass and Roman can’t help but push into them, a soft whimper leaving his mouth because everything feels so good. He manages to get Dean’s jeans off even with his lust and need filled mind. 

  
  


“Where’s your stuff babe?” Dean asks, lips sucking gentle marks under his ear and down his neck. 

  
  


“Bottom draw of the bedside table.” Roman instructs and when Dean moves away to get them, he’s hit with memories of their first time. Their  _ only  _ time. It was good,  _ great,  _ it was only what happened after that was bad. Roman shakes it out of his head, doesn’t want to think about that want’s to think about  _ now,  _ and he eagerly grabs for Dean once he’s got lube and a condom in his hand. 

  
  


Dean laughs softly, kissing him back just as eagerly. He dumps the stuff on the bed and hooks his hands under Roman’s arms to easily push him further up the bed so he’s resting against the pillows. “Don’t worry baby, I got you.” He says gently, reaching for the lube and squirting a healthy amount onto his fingers. 

  
  


Roman grips at Dean’s shoulders when his fingers trace over his hole, it’s not like he hasn’t been touched there in awhile, in fact it was only yesterday that Luke pulled him into the office while Karl and AJ were on their lunch break and fucked him hard against the desk, but it’s been  _ seven years  _ since Dean’s touched him there and he didn’t know how desperate he was for him until now. 

  
  


Dean opens him up slowly, takes his time like Roman’s fragile and not been touched in the whole seven years he’s been gone. Maybe that’s what Dea wants to think, he always was selfish when it came to Roman. 

  
  


“Please, Dean, please just hurry up and get in me, please?” 

  
  


Dean’s eyes light up at that, and he pulls his fingers out in favour of ripping the condom open with his teeth and rolls it onto himself. Looking up at him, Roman doesn’t think that Dean’s ever looked so beautiful. Blonde curls matted to his forehead from a sheen of sweat, body flushed pink from the neck down. He’s beautiful and he’s missed him so much. Missed this Dean,  _ his  _ Dean. 

  
  


A strangled noise leaves Roman’s mouth when Dean pushes into him, kisses him slowly until he’s buried deep inside of him and Dean’s groin is pressed flush against Roman’s ass. 

  
  


Dean starts off slow, rolling his hips and pressing gentle kisses into the jut where Roman’s neck meets his shoulder, until Roman presses his heels into Dean’s ass and makes an insistent noise. “Please Dean, please?” He whimpers. 

  
  


In response he gets a sharp bite to his neck and a sharp thrust, both which send electric shocks of pleasure. And then Dean starts fucking into him hard and fast and it feels so good that Roman’s sure he’s going to black out. He’s screaming his name, so loud that Karl can probably hear him from across the hall but with how good Dean is making him feel he can’t bring himself to care. 

  
  


“This what you need baby? Just like this?” 

  
  


“Fuck, yeah, don’t stop please?” 

  
  


Dean doesn’t stop, fucks him into the mattress and kisses him breathless until he’s coming all over himself, untouched. 

  
  


“God you’re so fucking beautiful Rome,” Dean grits out as he spills his own release into the condom and bites a mark into Roman’s collar bone. 

  
  


They lay in their own mess kissing and touching each other until they finally drag themselves into the bathroom to clean up. Warmth swells up in Roman’s chest when Dean pulls him back to bed and holds him close, whispering soft words in his ear until he falls to sleep. It’s the most comfortable sleep Roman’s had in a long time, back in the arms of his brother. 

  
  


When Roman wakes up in the morning, it’s to a cold and empty bed. For a moment his heart plummets and he wants to be sick, until he finds the piece of paper on Dean’s pillow that says he had to leave early to get ready for work and he’ll text him later. 

  
  


Next time, if there is one, (and god does Roman hope there is a next time) he’ll tell Dean to wake him up before he leaves, because he’s missed waking up with Dean like they used to when they were kids. Even after everything, Roman still wants him. Still wants Dean and everything that comes with him. Maybe it’s stupid, but he can’t help it. He loves him, knows he always will, and if he has the chance to  _ have him,  _ why, after everything he’s been through, would he deny himself of that? 

  
  


So when Dean texts him at lunchtime, asking him if he can see him tonight, Roman doesn’t hesitate to text back a simple word and one of those emojis. 

  
  


**Yes :)**

  
  
Maybe this time it’s different. 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy all! I must say, I've never seen so many people disgusted with ambreigns sex before. I am so amused. Anyway, this is a slight filler chapter because I'll tell you now... there's not long to go. DUN DUN DUN. can you predict how this is going to end? 
> 
> reach me at my tumblr: @psychrollins

For the next few weeks, Roman’s life takes a change. This thing with Dean, just like the last time, seems to melt his problems away. He quickly falls into a new routine, coming home from work to Dean waiting outside of his apartment and they have dinner together before Dean fucks his brains out. They go to bed together, and then Dean leaves early in the morning to go to work. 

  
  


It’s as domestic as Roman feels he’s ever been and it puts an extra pep in his step and a bigger smile on his face. 

  
  


It was hard, though, telling Karl and Luke that their fooling around had to stop. Karl took it well, slapping him on the back and telling him that he’s happy he’s finally gotten what he’s been wanting for so long, but Luke kind of grumbled and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day until AJ dragged him into the office and said something to him. 

  
  


It really is different now. Roman hasn’t seen Seth since they came back, and it’s easily been a month now. Dean doesn’t talk about him really, only here and there when he says that he’s doing his head in about something or other. Roman does feel slightly bad about what’s going on, but whenever Roman mentions it Dean always tells him that it will all be over soon and Roman’s too addicted to Dean to say much else. 

  
  


And if Roman’s current situation didn’t make him happy, the visitor he gets at work makes him ecstatic. He’s nearly finished, just has to change a tire on an old truck when there’s a deep wolf whistle from the entrance of the garage. 

  
  


“Damn boy, that’s a pretty view.” Roman knows that voice, will always know that voice. He lifts his head, nearly smacking it on the wheel arch, and turns to see Calvin and Nikki grinning near the shutters. Roman’s heart leaps, he hasn’t seen Calvin for a couple of months because it’s in the middle of football season and Calvin is a rising star for the Detroit Lions. 

  
  


“Cal!” Roman shouts excitedly, jumping to his feet and running over to Calvin and jumping into his arms. Calvin wraps his arms around him, swinging him a little bit like he’s a five year old child in his parents arms. 

  
  


“Hey Rome, I’ve missed you.” He says into his shoulder, strong arms holding him tight. 

  
  


“I missed you too Cal, how’s the leg?” Roman had practically cried at the TV when he watched Calvin’s last game and someone took him down and injured his leg. 

  
  


“It’s doing well, babe. Rehabbing couple of times a day so I should be back on the field in the next couple of weeks.” 

  
  


Roman grins, “Good, the lions are doing shit without you.” He says, before turning to Nikki who’s watching them both with a smile. 

  
  


“Hey you, how was Italy?” 

  
  


“It was beautiful, Rome. Despite everything I had to do there, I kind of really enjoyed it.” 

  
  


Roman grins at his best friends, they’ve done so well for themselves. Calvin’s in the NFL and Nikki’s one of the best prosecution lawyers in the country, all at twenty five. It kind of makes Roman feel pride and jealousy at the same time. Pride that he has two of the most talented people ever in his life, but jealous that he never had a taste of that life himself. 

  
  


Every couple of months or so, depending on whether Calvin has the time, he comes home and stays at Roman’s place for the weekend or a couple of days. So when Roman goes back to his shift, Calvin takes Nikki home (they'd obviously arranged to meet at the airport and come back together) and then goes to the grocery store to get something to cook for dinner for when Roman comes home. 

  
  


When he gets home, it's to a particular scene that Roman has never wanted to see. Dean and Calvin arguing. Dean had obviously been early, waiting at the bottom of the stairs when Calvin got here and after Calvin found out about everything Dean did to Roman, he's never been his biggest fan. 

  
  


“Oh so that's it then, you're just going to walk back into his life as though you didn't break his very spirit back when we were kids?” Calvin spits, he and Dean are both up in each other's faces and Roman doesn't hesitate to put himself between them. 

  
  
  


“Alright you two that’s enough, just stop it.” Roman says putting his hands on Calvin’s chest and putting some space between him and Dean. 

  
  
  


“And like you’re any different? Just coming back and using him for a bed and then going back to your lavish lifestyle!” Dean spits back and it instantly makes Calvin lunge for him. 

  
  
  


“Cal stop it! Go and shower God damn it, I’ll handle this okay?” Calvin sighs before retreating to the bathroom mumbling profanities underneath his breath. Roman watches him go and makes sure he’s out of the room before he turns back to Dean. 

  
  
  


“Look I’m sorry I didn’t know he was going to be back today otherwise I would have told you that I’d be busy tonight.” Roman says softly as Dean pulls him into him. 

  
  
  


Dean pouts and sighs, fingers fiddling with the strings of Roman’s hoodie. “How long will he be here for?” 

  
  
  


“A couple of days at most, I’ll let you know when he’s gone ok?” Roman says, and Dean seems to relent at that pulling him in by the tassels and kissing him hard. 

  
  
  


“Just so you know, I’m not happy about him stealing you from me, I only just got you back.” Dean murmurs against his mouth, and Roman drinks those words down like they’re liquid gold. Warmth flutters through him and a smile breaks through his face. 

  
  
  


“I’ll make sure he lets me know he’s coming next time okay?” 

  
  
  


Dean nods and kisses him one more time before telling him he’ll call later and leaving the apartment. It leaves Roman alone in the kitchen with the sound of Calvin showering faintly from the bathroom. He sighs as he slips his shoes and hoodie off, going over to the discarded bag of shopping that Calvin had obviously put on the counter when he and Dean came in. 

  
  
  


He starts going through it, pulling out everything Calvin has bought. It’s mostly ingredients for dinner - fajitas, Calvin’s favourite - but also some fresh juice and fruit that Calvin always insists on buying for him. He takes two Tylenol with the fresh orange, knows he’s going to need it because he’s going to get an earful from Calvin about Dean. 

  
  
  


Calvin had been more than angry when he’d found out about Dean. They’d been drunker and higher than all holy hell and it had just seemed to slip out, all the pent up anger and sadness of never getting an explanation or an apology from Dean poured out onto Calvin’s shoulder. Roman’s sure that if Calvin had been sober enough to stand up and walk more than three steps he’d have beaten the shit out of Dean. And when he was sober enough, Roman begged him not too. 

  
  
  


“Please, please, please tell me that you’re not going there again?” Roman jumps a little at Calvin’s voice, too caught in his own head to realise that Calvin was out of the shower and standing behind him. Strong arms crowd him against the kitchen work top and Roman turns so that he’s looking up at Calvin. 

  
  
  


“It’s different this time,” Roman says but Calvin rolls his eyes dropping his head and sighing. 

  
  
  


“Different huh? How different? Is he still with Seth?” 

  
  
  


“Yeah but --” 

  
  
  


“Yeah but nothing, Ro. It’s no different. He’s going to string you along and then dump you again and you’re going to be heartbroken all over again. I don’t even think you’re strong enough to cope with that again. And what about Karl and Luke huh?” 

  
  
  


“I broke it off, they understand.” Roman says and even though he knows it was the right thing to do, it makes Calvin’s face fall. There’s a long moment before Calvin pushes away from the counter and away from Roman. 

  
  
  


“Anyone but me, huh?” He sighs, padding over to the living room and sitting down on the couch. Roman makes a noise, there’s no one on this earth - other than Nikki - that he hates upsetting more than Calvin. 

  
  
  


He’s been his best friend since those extra training sessions to get into Georgia Tech, since he had his back that final summer before he left, and he never ever hinted at wanting anything more. He always thought Calvin was straight, until he ended up fucking him last year. 

  
  
  


The thing with Calvin is, Roman can’t bare to lose him. Not when he means so much to him, and with Calvin’s career, he knows that kind of pressure that would put on a relationship. He can count the number of openly gay footballers on one hand, and what they go through is something he would never want to put Calvin through. 

  
  
  


He pads over to the couch and plops down on it beside Calvin, throwing his legs over his and nuzzing under his arm until Calvin relents and secures it around him. 

  
  
  


“Are you mad at me?” Roman asks softly, looking up at Calvin. 

  
  
  


Calvin sighs, “No. I’m just worried about you Ro. You’ve come so far since what happened, you’ve got your life together and I’m just so scared that he’s going to ruin all of it for you.”

  
  
  


“It’s different this time Cal, he’s changed. I can tell. He’s my brother, I know him better than anyone else. And I am happy, these past few weeks, they’ve been good. The pieces are finally starting to fit back together.” 

  
  
  


Calvin sighs again, but he leans down to press a kiss against his forehead. “Just, please be careful, okay?”

  
  
  


Roman nods and smiles up at him, laying his head against his chest. He’s missed Calvin, missed their nights together and the comfort of his best friend. He doesn’t get to see him often, or Nikki, they’re both so busy with their real lives but Roman cherishes the time he does get to spend with them. 

  
  
  


After a while of sitting and watching shitty evening television, Roman starts on dinner. Calvin always tells him he loves nothing more than coming home to Roman’s food and it always makes him smile, at least he’s good at something. 

  
  
  


When it’s time for bed, Calvin asks if Roman has a spare couple of pillows and a duvet. 

  
  
  


“What for?” 

  
  
  


“Can’t sleep in your bed now you’re in a serious relationship, can I?” He says with a raised eyebrow and Roman scrunches his face up. 

  
  
  


“Get your ass in the bedroom, Cal.” 

 

  
  


Calvin doesn’t put up much of a fight, follows Roman to the bedroom and strips down to his boxers like he always does when he stays over. 

  
  
  


“Dean won’t like this, you know.” 

  
  
  


“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Now shut up and go to sleep.” 

  
  
  


“Okay okay, night Ro.” 

  
  
  
“Night Cal.” 


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the longer wait on this chapter, I got sick around wrestlemania and I guess I'm not wanting to let this fic go, we're so close to the end! With that being said... I'm so sorry for what you're about to read, warnings for feels and that you may want to kill me... ENJOY? 
> 
> tumblr: @psychrollins

Calvin leaves on Monday evening, they spend the weekend pigging out on food and watching TV curled up on the sofa. 

  
  
  


Dean was mildly annoyed that he didn't get to spend any of the weekend with Roman, as he refused to spend time with Calvin and Calvin refused to spend time with him. But he text him constantly and at some points it got extremely sexual and he had to hide the screen of his phone just in case Calvin saw. 

  
  
  


But normal service is resumed on the Tuesday when Roman gets home from work and Dean is waiting for him. He loves having Calvin here, but he's also missed this routine he's gotten into with Dean. 

  
  
  


“So how was your weekend?” Roman asks him while he's cooking dinner. Dean’s sitting at his kitchen island with his arms folded, looking up at Roman. 

  
  
  


“Boring. I watched reruns of Family Feud and ate take out because I can't cook.” He says with a dramatic sigh. 

  
  
  


“Good thing I can cook then, isn't it?” Roman says with a slight smirk at he stirs rice in a pan. 

  
  
  


Dean grins, “It's a great thing.” He says before standing up and walking around the island to Roman and wrapping his arms around him from behind. Roman sinks into his embrace, inhales  _ Dean  _ and smiles. Completely intoxicating. 

  
  
  


“I really missed you this weekend.” Dean murmurs into his ear and his lips attach to his neck softly. 

  
  
  


“I missed you too.” Roman says quietly, turning his head and kissing Dean’s cheek. Dean starts kissing down his neck with his hands slipping into Roman’s shorts. 

  
  
  


“Start something now and you won’t get any dinner.” He mumbles but he’s baring his neck to him so that he can suck a mark on his throat. 

  
  
  


“What if I want you for dinner?” The words a purred into his ear and it makes Roman’s legs weak, but dinner is five minutes away and he needs to show resolve and that he’s not a complete whore for Dean. Even though he is. 

  
  
  


“Dean.” It comes out as a whimper and is really not convincing. 

  
  
  


“Okay, okay. But I want you for dessert.” Dean says pointedly with a bite to his ear lobe, then lets him go. It’s what Roman asked for, but it’s not what he wants. 

  
  
  


They eat dinner and talk about stupid things, ending it with Dean mentioning that he has to go to their parents for dinner tomorrow and asking if there was any chance of Roman being there. 

  
  
  


“No chance. Like I said, I haven’t seen them in two years and I’m not really in the mood to be starting to see them again.” Dean sighs but doesn’t push the issue, and they spend the rest of their evening cuddled up on the sofa until Dean declares that he’s hungry again and drags Roman off to bed claiming that he’s ready for his dessert. 

  
  
  
  


xXx

  
  
  
  


When Roman gets home from work the next day, he knows that Dean won’t be waiting for him because he’s got a shift change at work for the day because they were short staffed. But what Roman doesn’t expect, is for Seth to be knocking on his door at seven in the evening. 

  
  
  


Fear runs through him at first, worried that Seth’s here to tell him that he knows he’s sleeping with Dean or something like that, but when Seth tells him why he’s here it’s quite the opposite. 

  
  
  


“I already told Dean I don’t want to see them again.” Roman says, after Seth finishes his begging speech to try and get him to come to dinner with his parents tomorrow night. 

  
  
  


“I know I know, but please Ro? We really want you there.” Roman sighs, he’s not sure why Seth’s here, because Dean hadn’t put up much of a fuss when Roman said no to him. 

  
  
  


“Look, Seth. I appreciate you coming around and all, but, you of all people know just how much my dad hates me. It didn’t get any better when you and Dean went to college, it got worse. I moved out by the time I was nineteen and I promised myself I wouldn’t go back for anything.” A look of hurt settles on Seth’s face before he quickly pushes it away. 

  
  
  
  


“It won’t be for too long Roman, please? For Dean, it would mean so much for him if you were there. You can leave right after you’ve finished your food. Please?” Again Roman’s confused, because Dean hadn’t seemed all that bothered by Roman refusing to go, never said that he wanted him to be there or anything. But Seth always was good at begging, and he can feel his resolve weakening. He’d always do anything for Dean, too. 

  
  
  


“Do they even want me there? What if I turn up and my dad kicks me out?” 

  
  
  


“I already spoke to your mom, she said she’d be thrilled to have you home for at least an hour. She misses you Ro. And your dad, well he’s not in the best of shape these days, I think he just wants his family around him you know?” 

  
  
  
  


Something clutches at Roman’s chest but he wills it away, his dad doesn’t care about him so why should Roman care about him. 

  
  
  
  


“Please Roman, it would mean the world to me and Dean if you were there. Just this once, we’ll never, ever ask anything of you again.” Seth says in a soft voice, pleading with him. 

  
  
  


Roman sighs. It is only dinner, what harm could it really do? It would only be for a couple of hours, and it would make Dean happy. 

  
  
  


“Jesus, fine, okay I’ll be there. God, no wonder we never used to get in trouble at school when we had you around.” Roman says shaking his head but a face splitting grin appears on Seth’s face. 

  
  
  


“Thank you Rome, honestly it means a lot.” He says still grinning, “Anyway it might do you good to have your mom's cooking again.” 

  
  
  


Roman raises an eyebrow, confused. “Why?” 

  
  
  


Seth gawks a little, suddenly stuttering over his words like he’s nervous. “Sorry it’s uh not my place, I just, you don’t look yourself Roman. You’re so thin… and your skin, it’s not glowing like it used to. There’s no shine to your hair no glint in your eyes. That’s not the Roman I know.” Seth explains and it stuns Roman into silence. “And your hands… They’ve been shaking since I stepped in here.” He adds quietly and Roman lifts his hands to inspect them. They are shaking. He hadn’t taken his Tylenol when he came in from work. 

  
  
  
  


“I’m sorry… I’m a nurse, it’s my job to notice things. And I can’t help but notice how, how unwell you look Roman. Dean never mentioned it… but, but if you need anything, I can check you over.” 

  
  
  
  


Roman shakes his head, “I’m fine Seth, you don’t need to check me over. I’m just tired I guess, been working a lot you know how it is, got to make ends meet.” Roman lies, he doesn’t need to tell Seth that he needs to take Tylenol or he shakes. He’s not sure why Seth cares, why he’s still here now he’s got what he wanted in Roman turning up tomorrow. 

  
  
  
  


Seth sighs, like he’s taking the answer but doesn’t quite believe him. “How did your ribs heal, do you still feel discomfort in them?” 

  
  
  
  


“No,” Roman says honestly, because he doesn’t. They’re mostly good now. “Only sometimes when it’s cold, or I lift something too heavy at work.” Why is telling Seth all of this? 

  
  
  
  


“Can I see? I just, I want to check. To see how the bone healed. I know you were stubborn when we were kids and you wouldn’t get it checked out, and I could always see how you were in pain.” Seth says and he’s looking at him with those eyes again that no one can say no too. 

  
  
  
  


“Fine, take a look. But there’s nothing wrong with me Seth.” 

  
  
  
  


Seth takes the couple of steps towards him and lifts Roman’s shirt up, his hand coming up to press against his side. He seems satisfied for a moment before he puts his hand on Roman’s good side. 

  
  
  
  


“Breathe in all the way, and then breathe out for me.” He asks softly, and Roman does just that, taking a long deep breath before exhaling. Seth motions for him to do it again, so he does, and then Seth sighs. 

  
  
  
  


“I can feel the jut of bone, and with what you say about the cold and strenuous exercise has me thinking that you have early onset osteoarthritis, which, yeah, is usually only found in joints but your rib has healed like a joint so that’s what I think's happening. It’s basically post traumatic arthritis, the stress your ribs took with your injury and not being allowed to heal have all weakened the bone and as you get older you’re going to feel them stiffen up and become painful. So when the time comes, please go and see a doctor to get the right medication, okay?” Seth explains softly, and Roman wishes that he knew what all of that meant. 

  
  
  
  


“Uh yeah, sure, thanks.” 

  
  
  
  


Seth’s hands linger on his skin a moment longer, before he’s finally stepping away and putting a smile back on his face. “I guess that’s everything, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, at seven?” He says making his way to the door, Roman follows him and opens it for him. 

  
  
  
  


“Yeah, tomorrow at seven. But if it all goes to shit you’re the one I’m blaming.” Seth laughs and steps out of his apartment. 

  
  
  


“I can deal with that, later Ro.” 

  
  
  


“Bye Seth.” Roman closes the door and lets out a long breath. What the fuck has he let himself in for? 

  
  
  
  


xXx

  
  
  
  


When Roman gets to his parents house the following night, he has to stand at the end of the street and take two more Tylenol because he’s shaking so much. And it takes him ten minutes to work up the courage to actually knock on the door, and by then, he’s ten minutes late. His mom opens the door to him and she gasps when she sees him. 

  
  
  


“Roman! You came, oh my baby you came.” She says, pulling him in and wrapping her arms around him. Roman freezes for a moment, he hasn’t seen or spoken to his mom in two years and he still doesn’t want to be here, but to feel like he’s been missed? It warms something inside him. 

  
  
  


“H-hey ma.” She drags him through to the dining room, and although he doesn’t actually hear it, he knows that there’s a gasp on everyone’s tongues. 

  
  
  


“Rome! You made it.” Seth says excitedly, like it wasn’t him that convinced him to show up. Roman looks to Dean and instead of finding him happy and excited like Seth said he would be, he just looks sick. Like he’s seen something he doesn’t want to see, like he wishes the ground would swallow him up. Seth stands to hug him, and Dean does too,  but it's loose and nothing like Dean’s ever hugged. 

  
  
  


“What are you doing here?” Dean whispers into his ear before he pulls away. 

  
  
  
  


“Seth begged me to come.” He says before his mom drags him into the kitchen to help dish out the food, just like old times. She smothers him with kisses and hugs and tells him how much she missed him but to Roman it all feels fake and forced because not once has she ever tried to call him and smooth things over. 

  
  
  


When they get the food out, Dean looks slightly better, but still like this is the last place on earth he wants to be. And Roman can’t really blame him. Over dinner his mom grills him all of them about work and their lives and when his dad finds out he’s a mechanic he speaks to him for the first time all night, his eyes lighting up a little as he discusses cars and parts and stuff Roman only knows because AJ, Karl and Luke test him on a weekly basis. 

  
  
  
  


Dessert rolls around quicker than Roman anticipated and he starts trying to think of an excuse to get out of here once it’s over. 

  
  
  
  


“Uh, Dean and I have something we want to tell you all.” Seth says as they finish dessert, causing everyone’s eyes to fall on Seth, he’s smiling softly and he looks happier than ever. Beside him Dean looks nervous, his dimples showing as he bites at the inside of his cheek. Seth looks at him, like he’s waiting for Dean to say something - he doesn’t, and Roman can tell there’s something wrong but he doesn’t know what - so Seth turns back to them all. 

  
  
  
  


“The reason we wanted everyone here was because, was because we wanted to tell you that… Dean and I are engaged.” He says happily, a grin splitting his face open. 

  
  
  


As their mom shrieks, getting out of her chair and hugging both of them, their dad grinning and congratulating them, Roman feels his whole world fall apart. Again. There’s a whooshing in his ears like he’s going through a tunnel or he’s under water and screaming to himself. He’s too hot and he can feel someone’s eyes on him.  _ Dean’s eyes.  _

  
  
  


“Congratulations, that’s, that’s amazing.” Roman manages to choke out.  _ Engaged.  _ Dean and Seth are engaged. They’re going to get married. Dean was never going to leave him, nothing was wrong. Dean lied. 

  
  
  


Roman stands up quickly, can feel bile rising in his throat as he throws his napkin down on the table, “Sorry, uh, I have to leave. Something came up.” He manages to say before practically sprinting from the room, down the hall and out of the front door. Someone’s following him, but Roman doesn’t turn around to see who it is. He makes it outside before he’s violently throwing up into the street drain. 

  
  
  


“Roman…” No. No, Dean can’t be behind him, putting his hands on him, no.  _ This is just like last time.  _

  
  
  


“No!” Roman shouts shoving him away and taking steps away from him, “Don’t touch me, don’t you ever touch me again!” He screams, and Dean opens and closes his mouth like he can’t find the words to say. 

  
  
  


“Were you going to tell me? Were you just going to keep me your dirty little secret until I one day found out about your wedding day? How could you do this to me?” 

  
  
  


Dean doesn’t say anything, just looks at the ground and then back up at Roman. Just like last time, there’s no apology, no explanation, and he can’t believe he fell for it again. Calvin told him, he told him it wouldn’t be different and it’s not and now he’s heart broken again. Dean’s hurt him again. 

  
  
  


“You know what, don’t even answer that. Because everything that comes out of your mouth is lies!” Roman screams and still Dean doesn’t say anything and that’s what makes the whole thing worse. Roman shakes as he starts to step away from the house he used to call home with Dean. 

  
  
  


This time Dean doesn’t follow him. He must go back into the house because Roman’s walking home alone his whole body shaking with tears and anger. 

  
  
  


Dean’s engaged and Roman’s alone. 

  
  
  
_ Be careful, because your boy may look like an angel, but he will lace your lemonade and set you on a path of destruction. _


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Here it is folks, the end of Dear Brother! Thank you ALL for following me on this journey. It's been a whole year since I started this, a year and a couple of months. There's a lot of /me/ in this fic and not only has it allowed me to exercise some demons but its also bought me some amazing friends. So. To Kirsty, my best friend and my soulmate. Thank you so much for the constant support and love you show me everyday, this never would have gotten finished if it weren't for you. 
> 
> And to all my amazing readers who have left so many amazing comments on this. Thank you so much. I hope you enjoy the last chapter. AND BE SURE TO READ THE END NOTES BECAUSE THIS JOURNEY AINT OVER YET LOL 
> 
> tumblr: @psychrollins

When Roman gets back to his apartment, he’s crying hard and his whole body is shaking. There’s sobs so loud that he think’s he’s probably going to wake up the whole block and he quickly shuts the door behind himself. 

  
  
  


God how could he be so stupid? How could he think it was different this time? How could he not listen to Calvin, and Nikki? How could he let Dean use him again like that? Roman feels worse than when Seth walked in on them, worse than when he got rejected from Georgia tech and worse than when his father wished he wasn’t his son. Because this is Dean. Dean his brother, who he’s completely in love with. The one person Roman’s always trusted with his life and his heart so easily only to have them both broken and ruined by him just as easily. 

  
  
  


Roman slides to the floor, back pressed against the door with his head in his hands as he sobs, hot, wet tears spilling down his cheeks and wetting his shirt. What can he do now? Dean and Seth are going to get married, something that ties them together forever and Roman ruined the only decent relationship he’s ever had with Karl and Luke just to get thrown away without even being told. 

  
  
  


Why had he let Dean into his bed that day he came back? Why did he allow himself to be drawn back into him when he proved a long time ago that he couldn’t be trusted. 

  
  
  


Roman pulls his phone out with shaky hands and pulls up Dean’s contact. He intends on deleting it, never wanting contact with him again but then he’s clicking on the little message symbol and typing out a message quickly. He can barely see the screen through his tears. 

  
  
  
  


**Why would you do this to me?**

  
  
  


He sends before dropping his phone into his lap. Roman doesn’t expect a response, but the one he gets is instant. 

  
  
  


_ Because I love you.  _

  
  
  


That makes Roman sob harder, because how can that be true? How can Dean love him and break his heart so easily, lie to him so readily? 

  
  
  


**You love Seth**

  
  
  


He doesn’t know why he says that. It’s obviously true, seeing as they're getting married and all. But it seems like the only thing that Roman’s thumbs will type. Roman states at his phone waiting for Dean’s response. He waits longer than the first, and Roman expects a long paragraph to come back, maybe Dean’s explanation as to why he's always strung Roman along only to dump him cruelly in favour of Seth. Maybe it will be a long apology. 

  
  
  


What Roman gets is not what he expects. 

  
  
  


_ I love both of you. I always have.  _

  
  
  


Roman hates that. Because even though Dean says it, it doesn't make it any better. Makes it worse in fact, because it just proves that he loves Seth  _ more  _ because Dean’s always chosen Seth. He types back with his fingers shaking even more and a burning pain in his heart as fresh tears fall. 

  
  
  


**But you love Seth more**

  
  
  


He doesn't know why he's still texting Dean. Because even now, it doesn't look like Dean’s going to say sorry. That's not Dean, it never has been. 

  
  
  


_ It's not like that rome  _

  
  
  


Comes first, and Roman's about to ask him what it's like, because he wants to know. But then Dean sends another text. 

  
  
  


_ Can I call you? _

  
  
  


And that's when Roman snaps back to reality. If he lets Dean call him, he’ll fall into his trap again. He’ll listen to all of Dean’s spiel about how he loves him, probably hear some made up lies about why he lied but he'll never get an apology. Never has so why now? And Roman decides no. No more. He won't ever fall into Dean’s traps again, he won't get caught up in his web of lies that seem to only ever hurt Roman. 

  
  
  


Roman’s phone rings, it's Dean, because he's taken too long to answer his text but Roman lets the phone ring out letting the tune fade into the darkness around him because he never bothered to turn the lights on when he came in. When the call ends, Roman types out a message. 

  
  
  


**Never contact me again**

  
  
  


And that feels final, especially when he zaps the message into the ether. He can practically hear the message come through on Dean’s phone even though he's so far away. He doesn't wait for a response, he can't even guess what it will say but he doesn't care. He  _ can't  _  care anymore. So he blocks Dean’s number and deletes it for good measure. 

  
  
  


And then Roman’s all alone in the dark with nothing but his jumbled thoughts and his shaking hands. He needs a drink. And Tylenol. 

  
  
  


He stands up on shaky legs, depositing his phone and keys on the work top and turns on the lights. He avoids all the glass surfaces so he doesn't see his red blotchy, ugly face. 

  
  
  


Roman pours himself a double whisky and takes four Tylenol with it, then swallows down the rest of the whisky. Roman only took four Tylenol a couple of hours ago, and he's not sure whether taking another four will do anything to him but he doesn't really care. Maybe he’ll sleep for a whole day and get to pretend that none of this shit has happened. He goes to pour himself another double whisky, but then decides to just swig out of the bottle. It would all be unnecessary pouring anyway since he's going to probably finish the bottle. 

  
  
  


He sits down on the floor, doesn't want to go into the front room and sit on the couch where he and Dean first made out again. Doesn't want to go into the bedroom where they've been fucking for months. Kind of hates sitting in the kitchen that he always cooked for Dean in. So Roman drinks more, takes long swigs from the bottle and savours the burning in his throat. It matches the burning in his heart. He sits there for a long time, until almost three quarters of the bottle is sloshing around in his stomach and his blood. He's woozy, feels his head pounding and his stomach churning and eventually he feels it all rising in his throat and then Roman's up on his feet, the bottle falling from his hands and smashing on the tiles, and running into the bathroom before puking the entire content of his stomach into the toilet. 

  
  
  


It burns his throat and tears stream down his face as he wretches into the toilet. Roman feels like there’s nothing left inside of him when he finally collapses onto the floor beside the toilet. He breathes heavy, his whole body exhausted from how much exertion it had took to empty his stomach. 

  
  
  


“What the fuck is happening to me.” Roman croaks, his voice hoarse and heavy, his mouth tasting disgusting. He flushes the toilet, putting the lid down and sitting on it so that he can wash his face. He catches his reflection in the small mirror on the wall then and he scoffs, he looks disgusting. So much for ma’s cooking. That’s what Seth had said wasn’t it? That he looked like he needed his mother's cooking. Poor Seth. Roman feels sorry for him. Maybe he didn’t when they were kids, when his and Dean’s relationship could have been over at any moment and all it was was a fling. But this? Now they’re adults, in a serious long term relationship. Seth was so in the dark. He had no clue that for months Dean had been sleeping with Roman. How did he not tell? Dean spent every night at his house? He’s a nurse. He’s probably been on the night shift while Dean’s been sleeping in his bed. 

  
  
  


Should he tell him? Tell him,  _ sorry, your husband to be has been sleeping with his brother, the same brother he cheated on you with when we were kids, for months now and I just thought you should know,  _ or should he leave them be? Seth was so excited when he announced it. Had been so excited that he’d begged Roman to come to the dinner without Dean knowing because he thought it would be special. 

  
  
  


He can’t do that to Seth. He just can’t. He’s a good guy, who’s never done a bad thing to Roman, his only crime is loving the same man that Roman does. No. No he can’t tell Seth and ruin everything. 

  
  
  


Roman washes his face and brushes his teeth, pulls his hair back into a bun on the top of his head and goes back into the kitchen. He cleans up the spilt whiskey and the broken glass from floor and gets rid of it. He’s not crying anymore, just an aching reminder every time he lets his mind wander and his thoughts drift to Dean. 

  
  
  


He goes into the front room and switches on the TV, puts on the discovery channel and watches a documentary about the galapagos islands and then one about hammerhead sharks before he finally dozes off on the couch. 

  
  
  


It’s not a particularly long snooze. Roman wakes up at some point to an aching in his bladder. He gets up to pee and his brain reminds him of the events of the night, that Dean isn’t tucked up in his bed and calling for him to hurry up and pee because he’s cold, he can’t text Dean and tell him about a fucked up dream. 

  
  
  


It’s a heart wrenching thought, to be so, so lonely again after two months of Dean practically living with him. But it’s not even a thought it’s reality. There’s no one here but him. He washes his hands and heads back into the living room, eyes threatening to spill tears again but he pushes them away with the heel of his hands. 

  
  
  


On the TV, for some reason, is the travel channel. He must have fell asleep on the remote, because he wasn’t watching it when he fell to sleep. On the screen is white sandy beaches, bright blue seas and holiday makers enjoying the hot sun. Roman thinks it must be nice to go on holiday, to get away for a while. Be in a completely different place and not think about  _ anything  _ related to your normal life at all. He thinks he could do with a holiday. He doesn’t want to stay here in Pensacola, where his brother is getting married and where there’s no one who loves him. 

  
  
  


Maybe he just needs to disappear. How easy is it to disappear? Can you just up and go without anyone knowing a thing? Well, no, probably not. He’d need to tell AJ that he needed time off. Not that he doesn’t deserve it.

  
  
  


The excited woman on the screen tells him that you can book cheap flights at the airport, find cheap hotels and hostels once you’re there and just explore. There’s not always a need to plan a holiday apparently. You can just  _ disappear.  _

  
  
  


That’s when Roman stands, goes into his bedroom and packs a bag. He’s going to disappear for a while, clear his head, cleanse himself of everything that’s happened in these short few weeks. Once he’s packed his bag with everything he thinks he might need, he writes a note telling Karl that he’ll be gone for a while, not sure when he’ll be back and to tell AJ. He slides it under Karl’s door on the way out. What’s the point in waiting around until sunlight? He can go to the airport now, ask for a flight to  _ wherever  _ and just be free for a while. 

  
  
  


He hails a cab asks for the airport and then he’s on his way. Roman’s head swims with places he could go. Places where no one will find him. Where his past won't follow him, where people don’t know him as Roman Reigns the guy who's failed at everything he’s ever attempted, where he’ll just be Roman. Roman the tourist, Roman the holiday maker, just another face in the sea of thousands. 

  
  
  


The airport is sleepy, most people asleep on benches waiting for delayed flights or the ones who chose to fly at night are waiting for their flight to be called and ready to board. Roman heads over to one of the desks where a tired looking woman is sat clicking away at her computer. He asks about the next available flights, how much they will cost, and if he can get on any of them. The woman lists off flights that he can get on that leave early in the morning, an array of destinations but there’s one that excites him the most. 

  
  
  


“I’ll take the flight to Hawaii please.” 

  
  
  


He’s got more than a couple of hours until his flight leaves, so he lays down on one of the benches that isn’t occupied, maybe he can sleep a bit more. First, he texts Nikki and tells her where he’s going. He wants to disappear, but Nikki will no doubt attempt to contact him at some point, maybe show up at his apartment unannounced and he doesn’t need to worry her when she can’t find him. 

  
  
  


She’s obviously working, or just got home, because she responds quickly, telling him to be careful, have a good time and that she loves him and will see him soon. He snoozes for an hour, wakes up to the alarm he set and then goes through security. It doesn’t seem real, really. That he’s leaving Florida, at least for a short while. He’s never really left Florida before, maybe when he was a kid when his family actually used to go on holiday but now for a long time. 

  
  
  


On the plane he pens a long letter to Dean. In it, he tells him how much he loves him, how much he’s hurt him, and how he’ll never let him hurt him again. But when he lands at Kona International Airport in Hawaii, Roman throws the letter in the trash.

  
  


He takes a cab to the nearest beach, wants to walk a little and enjoy the sun before finding a place to stay. There’s a bar at the top of the beach, a little tiki bar complete with flames and all the other traditional details. It’s not very busy and he sits on a stool placing his bag beside him. 

  
  


“A new face, how lovely.” A pretty blonde woman says, stepping behind the bar. Roman suspects she must be the bar lady, server or whatever you call them. “Where are you from?” 

  
  
  


She’s forward, but her voice is warm and she has a friendly smile. 

  
  
  


“Florida, Pensacola. I just got here.” 

  
  
  


She smiles, “Holiday on your own?” 

  
  
  


Roman laughs, “Yeah, needed to just, get away. Disappear.” 

  
  
  
A knowing smile ghosts over the woman’s face and she pours him a drink. “Welcome to the island of runaways.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MUAHAHA. You didn't think I'd leave the story without finding out why Dean did what he did, without a REAL ending, did you? Well if you did, think again. Because there's going to be a SEQUEL. KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED FOLKS!


End file.
